BIG tw in advance for really gross intrusive thoughts. i feel horrible, i keep thinking bad stuff and feeling like i’m gonna act on it. i don’t feel scared or anything anymore even though after i feel guilty as hell cause i can’t tell if it was me or just ocd. i was just watching my brother and i had this thought “ if i did something bad to him no one would know “ and i focused on it on purpose for erp reasons but then i thought about doing something inappropriate to him and i genuinely felt like i was gonna do it / i wanted to do it even more so because i knew it was bad but like this doesn’t match with my morales at all. i don’t think i can handle this any longer i can’t tell of this is an ocd urge or not anymore i feel like it isn’t and it makes me feel disgusting i want to cry

i’m struggling. so i’m a nanny and i had an intrusive thought to like do something bad to him so i was very upset crying saying i don’t want to do it but as i was changing him i got closer to it to see if i would actually do it and i got grossed out. now im feel extremely guilty i even got closer.

i haven’t been diagnosed with ocd but I have anxiety about harming other people/family members and it’s like urges and im scared I actually want to do it? I don’t think I’ve ever been violent as a kid (im 21 now) and the intrusive thoughts don’t go away so im just stuck all day everyday for the past few weeks just thinking and being scared about it and im having all these weird emotions like being irritated and angry I don’t want to hurt people I don’t think idk why my mind is making me think I do I’ve had intrusive thoughts before that I could brush away sure it took like a day or two but this one is different it doesn’t go away and leaves me with the worst fear imaginable and nothing I look up that should be giving me relief is giving me relief + I feel like im not in control of my body and that im just gonna lose it and act on these thoughts it’s just all on a loop and im not sure how im supposed to live the rest of my life when im in constant fear of my self

I dont know whats going on. I dont know if its OCD anymore. I know it was in the beginning. Ive been through a lot of trauma and had one little scary thought of killing my sister 4 months ago that has blossomed into this giant idea of me being a serial killer and wanting to hurt everyone (I never had any social issues growing up but I have had some trauma). Recently I’ve been having urges to just give in. And my mental images have been horrible and I can’t stop checking if I like them or not. I think I’ve convinced myself I have. This morning I woke up a shaking mess with an urge to unalive my family and when my mom left for work I was alone with my sister and couldnt stop vomiting uncontrollably. I dont know if i’m upset because I cant hurt anyone and I want to, or if I’m scared and just want my old life back. I was an avid horror and gore lover and now I’m convinced I want to do the things I’ve seen in the movies. Someone please help. I’m ready to check into the psych ward.