BIG tw in advance for really gross intrusive thoughts. i feel horrible, i keep thinking bad stuff and feeling like i’m gonna act on it. i don’t feel scared or anything anymore even though after i feel guilty as hell cause i can’t tell if it was me or just ocd. i was just watching my brother and i had this thought “ if i did something bad to him no one would know “ and i focused on it on purpose for erp reasons but then i thought about doing something inappropriate to him and i genuinely felt like i was gonna do it / i wanted to do it even more so because i knew it was bad but like this doesn’t match with my morales at all. i don’t think i can handle this any longer i can’t tell of this is an ocd urge or not anymore i feel like it isn’t and it makes me feel disgusting i want to cry

i feel like i’m gonna snap any day now and it’s scaring me what if one day i do actually do these things i don’t know if i’ll be able to handle it

i literally feel exactly like this

It’s scary I know

I get that feeling too

But it is ocd we have never been like this before

And mine started after experience of hocd now mine has changed to this

i can’t go to my mom w help w this cause she’ll just get annoyed i want to hole myself up in my room but then she’ll get suspicious

yesterday i almost did something horrible too and i hate it

i want to hurt myself as punishment i won’t cause itll worry my mom but i’m v tempted 😁

it’s like. i’ve been struggling with these bad thoughts since march when i had my big ocd breakdown. ever since then i’ve been working on becoming better but these past few months it feels like i started right back where i was and i don’t know how to fix it i truly think im the problem at this point

one of these days i’m gonna do something drastic i feel without help and that scares me i don’t want to yet i still sometimes find myself tempted / close to doing it