Does anyone else feel almost constantly on edge around your partner and not want to have sex even though you know they are amazing? I think I am still going back and forth between believing that I have rOCD and bring able to recognise that this is a symptom. But how can a relationship last if you don't want to have sex?

Thankyou so much for your beautiful response kylee. I absolutely feel like if I'm not passionately turned on by my partner and the sex isn't easy and passionate, then how can this work? My challenge is that my partner and I had only been together a short while before rOCD started, so I don't really fully remember if there was ever a time that I felt passionate. I have been depressed and in the throws of rOCD for over 6 months now and I struggle to feel any positive emotions despite my partner having everything I ever thought I wanted in a relationship. Today he said 'I don't feel like you're excited to be my girlfriend' and that really triggered me because it's true. I don't feel excited but I want to so badly. "i have an amazing partner, why can't I just be happy?" Is what I keep telling myself. Does you have any suggestions which will help me to let go of my compulsive need to 'feel' a certain way. It's so hard to not just feel as though we're just not sexually compatible and it's my body telling me so.

@Anonymous I understand. Truthfully, sex is hard in general - even for neurotypical people. If you add OCD in the mix, you have a ticking time bomb of triggers! I think the biggest trick to overcome it is to realize that sex doesn't always have to be something special. Imagine being married like me haha, you get used to your partner over time and sex is certainly not always fiery and incredible like the movies or books you've read (though of course I still can enjoy it when OCD isn't around!). Our society (by ours, I largely mean Western society like the U.S. and U.K.) is built on oversexualized content. Even kids now days are subjected to very sexual images, movies, books, even commercials. Everything is sex, sex, sex. That's one reason ROCD (and SOOCD as well) is so difficult on sufferers. You see it everyday. You can't even watch YouTube or Instagram (or if you're into TikTok) without seeing half naked people advertising sex lol. But realistically, think back to when you were a child. What were the important pieces of your life? Compassion? Care? Empathy? Understanding? Once we can reconcile our real needs, sex becomes less of a substantial problem. Yes, we need to be intimate with our partners, BUT it is not the whole picture. Onto your next piece of your response. I see that you wrote about struggling with positive emotions. You're not alone here in that regard. I'd say most of us on this app have zero desire or passion, sometimes we feel hopeless, other times we feel anxious. If it makes you feel better, my average for beating most subtypes is about 2 to 3 years (yes, years!). So believe me when I say it takes time. I'd hope that you would recover sooner, of course, but I just would like you to see that healing is long term. It is not going to go away in a day. We focus a lot on our "feelings." For example, when I had SOOCD, I would get so afraid of being aroused by things that may not have been my "preference." This would cause panic in me because I was so sure I felt the attraction or arousal or desire, etc. I'm not sure how interested you are in neuroscience, but it is what I study in my graduate program. One way I like to think of OCD is to actually *visualize* what my brain is chemically doing. Your brain right now is tricking you into believing that you feel a certain way, and all you can do is sit around and feel helpless and wanting to just be happy for once. Your OCD, however, has specific neuromodulators (you can think of them like a bunch of spider webs linked together) that create a reaction when this trigger occurs. The more you react, the more these spider webs become active (as if they're being electrified in your brain). The key is to stop these webs from activating. To do that, we often talk about ERP. I'm not sure if you're in therapy here at NOCD or elsewhere, but I suggest it! It will help you build coping skills. It will not cure the OCD but it will certainly alleviate some of the stressors. Lastly, there have been empirical studies on the amino acid called NAC (N-Acetyl-Cysteine). It can enter the blood brain barrier (which is a fancy term for helping you regulate and destroy free radicals in your brain). It also lowers homocysteine which is very prevalent in people with high stress (*cough cough * OCD sufferers!). Homocysteine can cause heart problems for many people. Regardless, NAC is an AWESOME supplement for people with OCD. I buy mine over the counter at Walmart. You can find it nearly anywhere online for under $20 if you're in the U.S. I'm telling you this because it has helped me alongside ERP. I suggest it for people who aren't interested in taking SSRIs which can have a ton of side effects. Clearly I can't diagnose you lol, but this is just my advice to you as a friend. If you're interested in reading more about experimental research in cognitive neuroscience, let me know, I'd be more than happy to help. Knowledge is power when battling OCD. I hope this has helped you, though I know I rambled a lot! Much love to you and yours. This too shall pass!!! :)

@NOCD Advocate - Kylee C. Oh! And one more piece of advice. There's a really insightful book called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. When my ROCD was at its peak, this book actually helped me a lot. I remember reading it back when I was engaged because that was when my ROCD was at its worst. Another awesome site/YouTube channel is Awaken Into Love. They do all things ROCD and they give a ton of great advice and calming exercises tailored to this subtype.

@NOCD Advocate - Kylee C. Hi Kylee this is all incredible advice. I would love to know more about the research you talk about. I actually studied psychology so I am really interested in it myself. Is there a way to contact you directly so you can pass on those studies?

But what if I am actually just not attracted? It's so hard to know what is real and what isn't

@Anonymous See what happens when you just let yourself enjoy it, even if you feel to scared to. Or that you feel like you can’t