Hello all, I was diagnosed with OCD in 2012 while I was pregnant, at first the therapist/Drs I was seeing made me feel like I was losing my mind and totally had judgmental reactions, I’ve been on and off medication during my OCD journey, I currently see a psychiatrist and recently decided to go back on medication due to how severe my intrusive thoughts have gotten. Of course I question if my thoughts/ideas lately are even related to my OCD diagnosis, I’m struggling more due to stress I can’t avoid unfortunately. I’m wrapped up in my head with ideas or scenarios that feel desired in my head. I’ve never had OCD manifest in a way it currently has.. It’s taken part of my personality and is using it against me on this “theme”. I hope there’s hope to live life without worrying if these scary thoughts/ideas are truly who I am or what I desire.

I’m really considering a session.. sometimes I’ll have the most intrusive thought that feels like I’m deliberately thinking it, if that makes sense?

@latishal It does. My OCD has been with me for so long, I couldn't tell what was what. And oftentimes, my OCD behaviors would happen faster than the regular thoughts. Highly recommend talking to a therapist here!

It’s really been a struggle for me recently, the thoughts seem so desired and wanted because I have a giving and caring personality with a side of wanting to be recognized it has created some thoughts with that involved so it makes it harder to allow them just to be thoughts. 😞

@latishal The stronger you get, the thoughts come at you harder sometimes. It’s a challenge but just realizing that you don’t want them truly, you could find yourself not being effected as much by the thoughts.

@Anthony The more I learn about them sometimes it gets easier to deal with them. Its really hard when it so close to your personality, and it takes a huge chunk of it and twists it around, impossible to escape. Learning about it really helps me to.look at it for what it is.

I have a harm theme and I honestly feel like sometimes I generate these thoughts deliberately which makes me have a lot more anxiety. I’ll also have a thought related to a previous thought/idea that I didn’t react to or do compulsions after having it, I think that’s OCD trying to one up me into doing compulsions? I know the tools I need to apply to recover but when the thoughts seem so real or even desired by me deliberately thinking them I get caught back up in the cycle, does that make sense?

The way my OCD has currently manifested is freighting to say the least, if I described it you might even question if it’s my OCD or not. 😞

@latishal You said it yourself. They seeeem so real. If you know deep down they aren’t true, just let them be there and don’t worry. If you don’t mean them and they aren’t true, then they can be there.

@Anthony That’s the hardest part, my thoughts have escalated into this large scenario in my head and I can’t figure out if I desire it or not, it surely seems like I do but I also get anxiety and tingly with it. 😞

@latishal it makes perfect sense to me because it sounds just like me. have you suffered with it since 2012? I have since 2011 and I think once you've suffered with a certain theme for such a long time it manifests into ways you would never imagine. its so clever and constantly shifting to make you doubt yourself. I wouldn't question it if you were to describe it because i know its probably something I have been through aswell. did you only start with OCD during pregnancy or have you had it when you were younger also? x

@latishal I understand. Deciding whether thoughts are thoughts you want or not is difficult but I know you will get better at it.

@Kimberley* I believe I had it when I was younger but just not as noticeable. (I may have had an eating disorder in high school and lots of anxiety) I didn’t have a good childhood to say the least, it was very rough. My themes or should I say thoughts have changed so much.

@latishal yea same, I had it when I was younger but it came out terribly after I had my little girl. you have to try and remember who you was before your OCD thoughts took over, ocd is the doubting disease and it will continue to manifest until you actually believe the crap it comes out with. I have hit a place where I've started to believe the thoughts but you have to try and pull yourself back from it as hard as it is. Trust in your values and the person you was before you started suffering with this theme. that is who you are, not your thoughts. x

@Kimberley* The way my OCD is mandifesting recently is so different then I’ve expierenced before. It’s taking my caring personality against me in a way, does that make sense? It alignes with how I think sometimes what’s why it makes me panic because it’s taking a piece of my personality and using it against me. 😞 I’m trying to leave them as JUST thoughts and trying not to figure them out. Hardest part is leaving them alone.

@latishal yes that makes sense, so it's making you feel like your a bad person? the hardest part is leaving them alone it really is and it's something I really struggle with. because I don't feel anxiety over things at the min that makes me think I'm a hideous person and that I don't care about it. it's awful.

@Kimberley* Totally feeling like a bad person, I haven’t been experiencing anxiety nearly as much but I’ve been practicing some techniques to disregard the thoughts or not react but then it makes me believe them even more, does that happen for you?