I feel terrible because a set of memories have been on my mind since march. i used to watch a lot of pornography. that included lolicon, shotacon, and even toddlercon. at the time i had been watching it, i didn’t think much of it. i don’t want to blame it on hormones even though at the time i had watch that stuff, i was very hypersexual and watch all kind of pornography (not including animals or real children). on top of that, i had watched that stuff up until before i turned 15 (16 now- started watching it when i was around 12 ish). It felt normal watching it and thinking about it now it was NOT normal. i feel gross and i’ve been panicking about it everyday. my sibling and my mom tell me that i was a kid and i didn’t know any better and i don’t listen to them because that would be reassurance. i don’t know what to do anymore because some of the intrusive thoughts i have are associated with the things i’ve seen. i really don’t wanna remember what i’ve seen and what i’ve done. can anyone give me advice on how to deal with reoccurring memories or what to do with it because i really don’t want to feel impeding guilt all the time. it makes me extremely suicidal. since my dad finally got out of my room and my parents are starting to feel better from sickness i’ll have to go back to my room and it reminds me of the things i’ve done and i’m scared i’ll end up driving myself crazy and killing myself because i’ve tried multiple times over and over again everyday before my dad was in my room because of the memories and i just wanna know how to deal with them.