- Username
- pennydreadful
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I’m currently engaged and up until recently, have been so so happy. I know I love him and that he makes me happy. I’m trying to remind myself that this could be OCD when these thoughts and doubts pop into my mind. He’s the biggest part of my life… and the best part of it. I hope we both get the help we need to overcome this.
Oh man I feel this in my soul. I had such a difficult time with this. You’re not alone. My path to marrying my wife was not much like most people, and that is OK. It was very much a conscious choice, and had relatively little with how I felt all the time. I knew that things were good when I was not anxious and that when I was, things were bad. She was not the source of my worries. I was open with her about my worries. It caused her some discomfort but she was supportive and understood the best she could. That’s how I rationally knew that letting her go would be just the dumbest mistake of my life. Of course rationalizing it like that doesn’t make the worry go away, so again it was a conscientious choice I had to make. I had to sit with the possibility that I was committing to someone I didn’t love enough, or wasn’t attracted to enough, all that BS. I didn’t get to rely on the “head over heels, butterflies in the stomach, twitterpated” feelings everyone else takes for granted. In those moments that you are overanalyzing how you feel about someone, it makes it impossible to feel those positive emotions. I will tell you that making a firm choice (getting engaged) did not remove the anxiety entirely but it did reduce it. And then once I “locked in” that choice and got married, it reduced even further to where it was much more manageable day to day. Been married 7 years now with a beautiful daughter. Still have intrusive thoughts I’m working through here but please know, ending your relationship is not the only way to get relief. I can tell you that from experience.
I feel like I don’t love my husband of almost 18 years and I feel like I don’t want to be with him. It’s scaring the living daylights out of me. I just think about it all day and dream about it as well. It feels torturous. I wish I would feel differently.
Just to clarify, when I say I was open with her, I don’t mean that I constantly sat there bringing it up to her (aka acting on a compulsion.) just that she was aware that I had a lot of anxiety about these certain themes, but that it didn’t mean I don’t like her or something, it just is how my brain works.
i know my reply is a bit late, but thank you so much for sharing your story, and your advice :) it may seem silly, but it means so much to me (especially since i’m struggling so so much). i hope everything goes well with ur daughter and wife :)
one of the worst parts, is that my brain makes me believe that i’m lying about how i feel. that i really wouldn’t be that devastated, and that what i just wrote down is just pure bullshit. as soon as i write down how i feel, it all feels like one huge lie, and that i’m playing it all up so i don’t have to confront the “truth” of the matter: that i’m “doomed”, “stuck in a rocky rocky relationship” , and that “the only way i’ll get relief is ending it”.
We have to not inform our partners of our ocd thoughts. It's a compulsion. They don't understand ocd so they're just going to view it as harmful and clearly it makes the rocd worse for yourself. No more telling him . Start off with a clean state and go to enjoy the day
i cant stop thinking about the fight i had with my boyfriend two days ago **might trigger ROCD** hello everyone! i just needed to vent somewhere, and maybe get a little bit of advice. two days ago, me and my boyfriend (L) )(been together for 5 months now) got into an argument over the phone. this wasn’t our first argument, and we both knew it wasn’t going to be our last. it wasn’t a screaming match, nor was it laced with insults of any kind. it was a disagreement over something silly, and we both escalated it. eventually, we decided to sit down and talk about it all. we resolved things peacefully, he apologized, and i apologized as well. after this, we went back to our normal, goofy selves. problem is, i cant stop thinking about the argument. i cant stop thinking about how nervous i felt during it, as well as after. i still feel nervous whenever it’s brought up and whenever i’m away from him. i want our relationship to last for a very long time,,but i’m getting so scared that my nervous feelings will get in the middle of that, and make me break it off with him. im aware that i have anxiety (GAD), as well as a strong feeling that i have OCD, but it just bothers me that i still haven’t let go of these nervous feelings. what is this trying to tell me? my brain is telling me that this is the beginning of the end, that sooner or later i’ll stop loving him because of our argument, and that i’ll never see him the same way i used to. im scared because i feel myself already believing it. i cant look at a picture of him without being reminded of what happened. L might be coming over today, and all my brain can think about is “what if you can’t hug him or kiss him the same? what if you don’t want him to come over?” I told L all this and he understood. he once again apologized for causing all this pain. although he didn’t want one, L offered the idea of a break, but that made me feel worse. i don’t want a break from him. i wake up and wish to talk to him. i want to spend my summer with him. I love him, and i don’t want to end it or put a pause on what we have. It’s even worse when my brain tells me that i don’t love him anymore because of the argument. i don’t know what to believe. i am so so lost. i don’t know what to do. i have no one else but him to talk about this to. i don’t wanna suffocate him in the slightest. someone, please give me advice. i feel like i’m drowning.
I am having the absolute worst week. My anxiety is so bad, I can’t think straight. I haven’t had a moment of calm for days and I feel like I’m going crazy. I’ve had what I think is intense ROCD/RA for about three years now, and it is getting so difficult to tell if all the issues I see are just in my head or if there is actually something wrong with my relationship. We’ve been together for five years and the first two years were lovely. I had some fears and doubts, but I felt very happy with my partner. We were together 24/7 and always had fun with each other. Then we started to spend a bit less time together and ROCD or whatever this is hit me really hard. I started worrying that he didn’t love me anymore, and that I didn’t love him and I did a lot of feeling checking and other things that I have figured out are common ROCD symptoms. Flash forward to now, I still feel like we don’t spend enough time together, and I get super upset by little things like if he has positioned his body so that it is pointing straight forward instead of towards me. I know I have an anxious attachment style and I am finding it so difficult to figure out what are reasonable concerns and what are things that I need to learn to be okey with because they are actually healthy and normal. The longer ROCD has gone on, the harder it has gotten. Two months ago I felt super in love and was actually feeling like I was in recovery. Then I went away for a work trip for a week and I had a lot of fun and was very busy so I didn’t have time to miss him and after I got home my ROCD exploded again. I have been wondering why I don’t feel that excited when I’m at home and do we still have fun together and lots of thoughts like that. Of course, I know that my ROCD gets in the way of our relationship being as good as it can be, and my partner has had health issues since the past few years that make him very tired which also doesn’t help. He is super sweet and funny and caring and smart but I keep finding faults. I also keep wishing that when he was tired he wanted to cuddle with me or something, because that’s what I want when I’m tired, and I don’t know if that’s a reasonable thing or if it’s just that people need different things when they aren’t feeling well. Right now I am super triggered and my mind is pretty much completely sure that I need to break up with him and that my anxiety comes from uprooting my life and needing to have difficult conversations rather than from actually wanting to stay in the relationship. I am so confused and I can’t sleep because I keep waking up with anxious thoughts and I keep waiting for signs that all is good between us but even when I get them my brain explains them away. I should also add that during the weekend I was at a work party and was harassed by a manager, so I think that has contributed to my spike. Also, we are at my parents place for the next ten days now and that also usually triggers my ROCD. My anxiety is so high that I can’t eat properly, which just makes the cycle worse as well. I know this is a lot, and I know seeking for reassurance is not the right thing to do. I just needed to get some things out of my head because it has been spinning for so long. And if anyone has any advice on how I should cope that would be amazing.
I just wanted to come on here and rant for a minute because it has been awhile, back in September I started experiencing rocd with my husband I have been with for 9 years. At first I didn’t understand what was going on but then I found out I had ocd. It was swarming my mind for months like I was stuck in a loop and couldn’t get out and I had so much anxiety and as you could imagine it also lead to depression (which I also suffer with) in November I found out I was pregnant and I got really excited and scared, I had to stop doing my therapy due to finances but overall my mindset eventually started getting better, I worked really hard to get out of my cycle I was in. I still had intrusive thoughts but they didn’t get to me as badly and I was able to kinda just accept them and move on with my day but I still get my days where they become more overwhelming and I start to give in to the thoughts and become sad or anxious and start to believe them meanwhile trying not to but my brain questions rather it’s truly ocd or if it’s just how I feel. It has been a major rollercoaster and I’m still learning how to fully cope with it, I want to be better mentally for my baby and for my husband but it’s just not that easy, these thoughts are obsessive and it’s like it always tries to find a new way to bring you back into it. Like today and yesterday it’s been really heavy on my mind like “what if I don’t want to be with him, what if I don’t want to be with him FOREVER, what if this isn’t what I actually want to do with my life” so on, but I don’t want to be with anyone else and I only want to be with him, he is the only person I want to do life with. And yes these are valid questions for your normal person but with someone with ocd they are obsessive and they give you anxiety and they scare you and confuse you and make you start to believe them. So if your going through this I promise your not alone this shit just sucks
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