- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m currently engaged and up until recently, have been so so happy. I know I love him and that he makes me happy. I’m trying to remind myself that this could be OCD when these thoughts and doubts pop into my mind. He’s the biggest part of my life… and the best part of it. I hope we both get the help we need to overcome this.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
Oh man I feel this in my soul. I had such a difficult time with this. You’re not alone. My path to marrying my wife was not much like most people, and that is OK. It was very much a conscious choice, and had relatively little with how I felt all the time. I knew that things were good when I was not anxious and that when I was, things were bad. She was not the source of my worries. I was open with her about my worries. It caused her some discomfort but she was supportive and understood the best she could. That’s how I rationally knew that letting her go would be just the dumbest mistake of my life. Of course rationalizing it like that doesn’t make the worry go away, so again it was a conscientious choice I had to make. I had to sit with the possibility that I was committing to someone I didn’t love enough, or wasn’t attracted to enough, all that BS. I didn’t get to rely on the “head over heels, butterflies in the stomach, twitterpated” feelings everyone else takes for granted. In those moments that you are overanalyzing how you feel about someone, it makes it impossible to feel those positive emotions. I will tell you that making a firm choice (getting engaged) did not remove the anxiety entirely but it did reduce it. And then once I “locked in” that choice and got married, it reduced even further to where it was much more manageable day to day. Been married 7 years now with a beautiful daughter. Still have intrusive thoughts I’m working through here but please know, ending your relationship is not the only way to get relief. I can tell you that from experience.
- Date posted
- 4y
I feel like I don’t love my husband of almost 18 years and I feel like I don’t want to be with him. It’s scaring the living daylights out of me. I just think about it all day and dream about it as well. It feels torturous. I wish I would feel differently.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
Just to clarify, when I say I was open with her, I don’t mean that I constantly sat there bringing it up to her (aka acting on a compulsion.) just that she was aware that I had a lot of anxiety about these certain themes, but that it didn’t mean I don’t like her or something, it just is how my brain works.
- Date posted
- 4y
i know my reply is a bit late, but thank you so much for sharing your story, and your advice :) it may seem silly, but it means so much to me (especially since i’m struggling so so much). i hope everything goes well with ur daughter and wife :)
- Date posted
- 4y
one of the worst parts, is that my brain makes me believe that i’m lying about how i feel. that i really wouldn’t be that devastated, and that what i just wrote down is just pure bullshit. as soon as i write down how i feel, it all feels like one huge lie, and that i’m playing it all up so i don’t have to confront the “truth” of the matter: that i’m “doomed”, “stuck in a rocky rocky relationship” , and that “the only way i’ll get relief is ending it”.
- Date posted
- 4y
We have to not inform our partners of our ocd thoughts. It's a compulsion. They don't understand ocd so they're just going to view it as harmful and clearly it makes the rocd worse for yourself. No more telling him . Start off with a clean state and go to enjoy the day
Related posts
- Date posted
- 17w
Hi everyone, I don’t really know how to put this into words, but I’ll try. I’ve been struggling with what I believe is ROCD for over a year and a half. I’ve been in a relationship for two years, and for a long time now, I feel like I’ve been stuck in a mental fog or trance — a constant state of doubt, guilt, anxiety, and emotional numbness. I can’t tell what I feel anymore. Sometimes I think: “Maybe I never loved him. Maybe I’m just staying out of habit, or because I’m in denial.” Other times I feel devastated and overwhelmed because all I really want is to feel love, safety, and peace again with him. I want to stop overthinking. I want to stop questioning if I’m lying to myself or if I’m hurting him by staying. My family (especially my mom and dad) and even my therapist have told me things that increased my doubts — that I’m only lying to myself, that I’m not really in love, that I’ve been unhappy since the beginning and I should just end it so I don’t hurt him anymore. My mom keeps saying “it’s not too late to walk away.” But it doesn’t feel that simple for me. When he tells me how much pain he’s in, sometimes I feel… nothing. And then I hate myself for not feeling guilt or sadness in that moment. I wonder: “If I really cared, wouldn’t I feel something?” But I also feel like I’ve become emotionally numb — like my mind and body are shutting down to protect me from constant fear and inner conflict. What makes it even harder is that we’re supposed to take a trip together soon for my 18th birthday. And instead of feeling excited, I’m terrified that I’ll feel numb, anxious, and distant even on that day. That I’ll ruin it. That I won’t be able to enjoy anything. And then I feel even more broken for being scared of my own birthday. I’m so afraid that I’m living based on a false “should.” That I’m staying because I should stay. But when I think about leaving, I panic too. Nothing feels right. Nothing brings relief. I just want clarity. Peace. And to know that I’m not alone or broken. If anyone here has felt like this — please let me know. It would mean everything right now. Thank you for reading.
- Date posted
- 12w
Hi everyone. I’m really struggling and I need to let it all out. I’ve been dealing with ROCD (or what I think is ROCD) for a long time, and I feel like I’m at my breaking point. I’m in a loving relationship with a boyfriend who is kind, understanding, and patient. But ever since I started reading a lot online, googling symptoms, talking to AI like ChatGPT, searching for reassurance, things have gotten worse and worse. And now… I feel completely disconnected from my feelings. I don’t know what’s real anymore. My boyfriend told me that he believes I’ve convinced myself that I have something that needs to be treated, and that all this constant researching is making me feel worse. And honestly, I think he’s right. Before I fell into this cycle, I could be more intimate with him. I used to say “I love you,” I used to feel warmth. Now I don’t say it anymore. I haven’t in a long time. And it hurts him. And I know I’m hurting him, and that makes it even worse. He also said that maybe I’m having these obsessive thoughts because I don’t have a daily purpose, that I need to get occupied, to stop being consumed by this. And others in my life have told me the same. He even suggested taking a break from each other for a week, just to give me space. But I’m terrified of that. I’m scared that the thing I fear most will become “the truth.” I’m scared I’ll feel relief, and that will mean everything I fear is real. But he told me that if I don’t want the break, maybe it means I still care. Still love. Still want this. The problem is, I don’t know anymore. And that’s what’s killing me. I’ve also had a psychologist who told me that just because I feel guilt or “care,” it doesn’t necessarily mean I like him — and that sent me spiraling. She said that maybe I care about people in general, but it doesn’t mean I love him. And it made me feel like I’m just lying to myself. That maybe I’m holding on out of obligation, or because I set in my head that I “have to be with him.” And even when he tells me beautiful things — logical things — things that SHOULD make me feel safe and seen… I don’t feel better. I just feel more empty. And then I start spiraling again: “If this doesn’t help me feel better, then something must be wrong.” “What if I’m just pretending?” “What if I’ve been lying to myself all along?” I feel like there’s something wrong inside of me. Like no matter what anyone says, or how much love I’m given, I can’t feel it. I just want to know what to do. I want someone to tell me what this is. I want to stop feeling like I’m running after a version of myself that used to feel, used to love, used to be calm. I don’t know if this is ROCD or if I’m just slowly facing a truth I’ve been afraid to accept. Please, if anyone has felt this way, I need to hear that I’m not alone. And if you’ve come out the other side… how? My relationship is perfect and he is perfect, i just deal with this and i am far from happy.
- Date posted
- 12w
Hi. I wanted to stop posting here, but I can’t hold it in anymore. I’m feeling so lost. I’m in a relationship that, from the outside, looks wonderful. We’ve been together for 2 years. He loves me deeply. He’s kind and caring. And still… I can’t feel anything. I can’t imagine a future with him — living together, starting a family, growing old. When I try, it feels like something in me shuts down, like it’s wrong. I don’t feel happiness in the relationship. I don’t feel love, warmth, or comfort. I feel anxiety, numbness, guilt, and fear. We fight over the smallest things. My thoughts scream that I don’t love him, that I’m forcing this, that I’m just used to him. The scariest part is: sometimes I feel okay, even calm. And that’s when it hits me — “What if this calm means I’ve accepted the truth? What if I don’t love him?” It feels like I’m in shock. Like I’m finally seeing clearly… but I’m terrified that it’s a clarity I never wanted. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I just know that I’m exhausted. And I want peace. If anyone else has felt this — the numbness, the fear, the doubt that feels like the truth — please tell me how you’ve gotten through it. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this. i know that people reading this will tell me to leave. but i dont have any reasons. All the problems started because of my never ending thoughts. i feel like i ruin everything. i feel like i have changed. im so lost and scared. i dont understand what is happening. It feels so real. im in agony, im crying so much. I wasnt always like this. i am trying to remember times i felt better and i cant. i cant feel anything. its so hard. i can’t explain how i feel and in scared what are you going to respond if someone will. i usually see “if you feel so bad then leave” but its not like that. he loves me so much and if the thoughts werent there it would gave been so different. everything was perfect. but i keep thinking that when the thoughts started, one and a half years ago, i realised that “i just dont like him” and gbat i couldn’t accept the truth and i am denying it. i feel fake. do i even have rocd? or is this cope?? why do i feel like this. why does it feel so real? please somebody help me
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