- Username
- pennydreadful
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I’m currently engaged and up until recently, have been so so happy. I know I love him and that he makes me happy. I’m trying to remind myself that this could be OCD when these thoughts and doubts pop into my mind. He’s the biggest part of my life… and the best part of it. I hope we both get the help we need to overcome this.
Oh man I feel this in my soul. I had such a difficult time with this. You’re not alone. My path to marrying my wife was not much like most people, and that is OK. It was very much a conscious choice, and had relatively little with how I felt all the time. I knew that things were good when I was not anxious and that when I was, things were bad. She was not the source of my worries. I was open with her about my worries. It caused her some discomfort but she was supportive and understood the best she could. That’s how I rationally knew that letting her go would be just the dumbest mistake of my life. Of course rationalizing it like that doesn’t make the worry go away, so again it was a conscientious choice I had to make. I had to sit with the possibility that I was committing to someone I didn’t love enough, or wasn’t attracted to enough, all that BS. I didn’t get to rely on the “head over heels, butterflies in the stomach, twitterpated” feelings everyone else takes for granted. In those moments that you are overanalyzing how you feel about someone, it makes it impossible to feel those positive emotions. I will tell you that making a firm choice (getting engaged) did not remove the anxiety entirely but it did reduce it. And then once I “locked in” that choice and got married, it reduced even further to where it was much more manageable day to day. Been married 7 years now with a beautiful daughter. Still have intrusive thoughts I’m working through here but please know, ending your relationship is not the only way to get relief. I can tell you that from experience.
I feel like I don’t love my husband of almost 18 years and I feel like I don’t want to be with him. It’s scaring the living daylights out of me. I just think about it all day and dream about it as well. It feels torturous. I wish I would feel differently.
Just to clarify, when I say I was open with her, I don’t mean that I constantly sat there bringing it up to her (aka acting on a compulsion.) just that she was aware that I had a lot of anxiety about these certain themes, but that it didn’t mean I don’t like her or something, it just is how my brain works.
i know my reply is a bit late, but thank you so much for sharing your story, and your advice :) it may seem silly, but it means so much to me (especially since i’m struggling so so much). i hope everything goes well with ur daughter and wife :)
one of the worst parts, is that my brain makes me believe that i’m lying about how i feel. that i really wouldn’t be that devastated, and that what i just wrote down is just pure bullshit. as soon as i write down how i feel, it all feels like one huge lie, and that i’m playing it all up so i don’t have to confront the “truth” of the matter: that i’m “doomed”, “stuck in a rocky rocky relationship” , and that “the only way i’ll get relief is ending it”.
We have to not inform our partners of our ocd thoughts. It's a compulsion. They don't understand ocd so they're just going to view it as harmful and clearly it makes the rocd worse for yourself. No more telling him . Start off with a clean state and go to enjoy the day
so i dont really know where to start this off other than saying I haven’t been diagnosed with ROCD but it’s the only label I can associate with. For the past two weeks I’ve felt extremely anxious and keep thinking “What if I’m using my boyfriend?” Or “what if I just see him as a friend and not my boyfriend?” Or “he deserves someone who truly loves him” even though I know deep down I love him. we’ve been dating for a month and these thoughts just started occurring two weeks ago and it pushed me into a mental drought where I couldn’t eat, focus, and I lost the motivation to do a lot. it’ll get so bad where I just wish I was back to my normal happy self but then my brain questions whether I was ever truly happy or just lying. I feel like a terrible girlfriend and Ive communicated to him that I haven’t been feeling the best mentally and I’ve reminded him that if he ever wanted to end things, he has every right to but when I tell him those things, my brain immediately says that I’m just saying those things so he can break up with me so I don’t have to feel guilty about breaking up with him. But I don’t want to break up with him. I don’t know what to do anymore and it all feels so hopeless
hi so i am pretty new to discovering ocd and trying to figure out why i am feeling the way i am feeling. i’ve never been diagnosed with ocd and honestly thought my anxiety was just super bad until it started affecting the way i saw my relationship. i’ve never had this bad of anxiety in my relationship and around november of last year is whenever i started noticing the cycle of repeated thoughts of “should i break up with him?” ive been with my boyfriend for almost two years. yes we’ve been through our ups and downs and our relationship has overall been such a beautiful relationship (super healthy compared to old ones) we love each other deeply and communicate and just overall find ways to help improve our relationship healthier and i’ve had a doubt here and there throughout these years but since last November i started feeling disconnected with him a little. i started to question sometimes if i really loved him. other times i told myself and asked myself if i should break up with him. if we really loved each other. i started focusing on his features a lot more. to the point where these thoughts around him made me feel so extremely uncomfortable. i’ve done all my research trying to figure out if I love him or not and trying to find reassurance and other people stories to see if they feel the same way I would also see how I feel whenever I was around him and it got to a point where I overall just felt very disconnected with him and a lot of different forms. I sometimes will forget about these thoughts and I will go out through my week throughout my days and I won’t even think about them and then something good will happen actually and it will trigger that immediate thought or sometimes we’re not even doing anything we’re just hanging out and being together and that will trigger the thought of wanting to break up with him and it makes me extremely uncomfortable and it makes me panic gives me anxiety and it just stresses me out because I know it’s not true, but my brain has tried to fully convince myself it is. I was doing really good and I figured out how healthy I wanted this relationship to be recently and because we’ve been so stressed on talking about our relationship and moving on even further and growing together, it started coming back and now I’m very very anxious again. I also have this type of anxiety of obsessing over things such as my health. When it comes to my gut health to my skin I have a very bad habit of having perfectionism not only within, my body face and everything around what is myself. I have a lot of anxieties, and I always thought it was just very severe anxiety until when I was researching why I was doubting my love for my boyfriend I heard of ROCD and I was super curious to know if I even have OCD, I brought it up with my psychiatrist and she doesn’t think that I have any. I have so much anxiety over this I feel like it’s physically and mentally controlling my body from how much it’s overwhelming me. I don’t know what to do. I keep convincing myself it’s not even RCOD and maybe I truly don’t love him but I have no other proof or feelings that that could be true. It’s just a thought that circles in my head and no matter how many reassurance I give myself it will come back within an hour, if someone could please give some advice I will have my own therapy session here soon and I’m very excited to know how I can overcome this
rocd is ruining me and my life and my relationship. i feel so disconnected from my boyfriend bc of it and it’s so frustrating but i also feel so numb that i can’t even feel frustrated or upset or anxious or anything bad when the bad thoughts come bc it’s been so excessive over the past couple of months. i don’t feel anything like i use to and i just wish i could love him peacefully and purely the way i use to with no worry or doubt. i feel like he deserves better bc my mind is constantly telling me i want someone else secretly or makes over analyze anything and everything with him or about him and creates so much doubt in my mind. it feels so real to the point that i feel like i’m betraying him and even though i’m not actually DOING anything to him or behind his back or anything it feels like i would be lying and deceiving him to continue being a good girlfriend and just being good to him if that makes sense. like when i’m actually with him or talking to him it’s mostly good im not thinking badly too much but as soon as he’s gone it all comes and it feels like i’m hiding a different, bad, personality from him when he’s not around. he’s such a good person and i’ve done everything to be so good to him bc i want to and he deserves it all. but inside i feel like don’t know myself at all anymore. i want to get past it but i feel like even if i do i’ll feel like i’m hiding a past betrayal from him. i don’t want to lose him. can anyone help with any of this or share ways they’ve gotten past this.
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