I feel like I’ll never be able to fall genuinely for a guy and have a relationship with one. It seems like I’ll never gain my attraction back and I feel so hopeless 😞 I don’t wanna end up with a woman but it seems like deep down I do

Hi, first time posting here. I was on the same boat as you. Those thoughts always came to mind whenever I would see pictures of women and then my mind would automatically be like “do you find her attractive? You might wanna date her” and it was scary to think about it sometimes. I say sometimes because I came to terms that these thoughts have always there and they won’t “change” my mind because I have only had feelings for men all my life. So whenever an “episode” would occur that would make me spiral, I would stop, think, and breathe. I then would ask myself “would I be happy with this person” and it would of course be a no. I may also add that I no longer try to place such an emphasis on sexuality. I like who I like. With that being said, I am madly in love with a man and we’re even planning on getting married in the future. The thoughts don’t go away though. It’s tough when my mind questions itself, mainly because I know that what I feel is real and nothing could change it, but those thoughts still come and go. It’s not easy but help is the best approach. And at the end of the day, I am aware that I have this mental illness and that I can assure myself that I do have control and can one day overcome it. Hope this helps!

I reversly feel the same. My mind tild me this for as long as I can remember. Most of the time it’s when I find a girl attractive… ocd is like, well don’t hope for a pleasant life man. You’ll never have what you want. The hardest part is I am a good lover, and I love girls, and I enjoy sex very much… but ocd highjacks my whole life. Point is, you are not alone. The feelings of grieve and sadness that comes with that are true and valid. Others feel the same way as you do. You are not crazy or even remotely trying to come out of the closet. We suffer from a mental illness called ocd. Whatever the theme, ocd sufferers have experiences and negative emotions alike. The key to freedom is ”well, maybe I am gay deep down. Maybe thats what I want, maybe not. I don’t care, I just want to enjoy my meal, or go to work, or do whatever I am trying to do at the moment” I’m with you. Good luck.