- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
this was me and it’ll attack when i’m with him and it is hell. but i know just sitting with it was hard but it helped! i’m not going to lie, my boyfriend and i HAVE had some issues so i didn’t just dismiss but now i can decipher which is ocd and which is i’m genuinely upset rn but your feelings don’t magically changes in one night! and ROCD is a hard one! it’s very tough but you can do this! don’t forget, love is a choice. NOT A FEELING!
thank you for the advice ❤️
i get worried because it feels like my feelings are hardly there for them lately but they also are the only person who gives me comfort and i can’t seem to stay away from them. i just feel out of it and my emotions and sense of self feel gone. i also keep going over interactions between me and them all the time to see how i’m feeling until i feel right about it
i totally get this and do the same thing. you’re not alone
@ anonymous it’s so hard knowing whether it’s rational or irrational and it breaks my heart because all i want to do is feel the way i felt about them before. this all happened out of nowhere. how do you cope with it
@getwellsoon literally same exact thing with me. happened out of no where and all i want is to go back to the way i felt before. i had a different theme then and it feels like that one was so much easier than this one
@ anonymous me too. this one just came so unexpectedly that it’s hard for me to tell if it’s an intrusive thought or not but i know deep deep down i don’t want to give up on them.
Yes, very much so. I have had this happen to me where you question the relationship n ocd makes you obsess
Absolutely. When I was dating my (now) wife I had that kind of ROCD really, really bad. It took a very deliberate choice. Marrying her had more to do with a firm choice than it did about how I felt all the time. I just knew that when I wasn’t anxious, things were good, and that when I was, I couldn’t connect. Obsessions often focus on things that are important to you, so no big surprise that it has latched onto your relationship! Just know that when you’re analyzing how you feel about someone it basically makes it impossible to feel positive emotions. I will tell you that as soon as I made a “final” choice (getting engaged) my anxiety didn’t disappear but it did reduce by a significant degree.
thank you so much, that gives me so much hope
Glad we are here to talk to each other about this.
feeling very drained
Lately, I’ve been feeling like my relationship isn’t real. I keep thinking: • Why am I even with him? • Do I actually like him, or am I just used to him? • What if I’m just convincing myself that I like him? I feel numb, disconnected, and nothing I tell myself reassures me. Sometimes, I get really irritable when we talk, I don’t feel joy, and I start overanalyzing everything. It makes me feel like the absolute truth is that I don’t like him, and I’m just in denial. I also heard that when you don’t like someone, there’s no anxiety—just relief. But I have moments where the thought “I don’t want to be with him” crosses my mind, and I don’t feel anything at all. And because I don’t panic immediately, I start thinking “Maybe this means it’s true.” I’ve read that love isn’t about feeling excitement 24/7, but my mind keeps telling me that if I don’t feel connected, if I have to search for reasons why I like him, that must mean I don’t. I feel like I’m losing touch with my emotions, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to feel love or happiness the way I used to. It’s like I keep waiting for some proof that I truly want to be with him, but I never find it. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I’m trapped in this endless doubt, and I don’t know what’s real anymore.
Lately, I’ve been feeling so disconnected from my boyfriend, and I don’t understand why. When I look at him, it feels like I’m looking at a stranger, and my mind keeps telling me that I don’t like him, that I never really loved him, or that I was just attached and comfortable. It feels real, and that terrifies me. I know logically that ROCD makes me overanalyze every little feeling, but it doesn’t make this any easier. I keep waiting to feel something—love, excitement, even relief—but instead, I just feel numb and distant. When we talk, I feel weird. When he kisses me, I don’t feel much. I keep thinking, ‘If I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel something?’ And the fact that I don’t just fuels my anxiety even more. It scares me that I can’t remember how I felt before ROCD took over. I look at old pictures, and my brain tells me, ‘That wasn’t real, you were just excited to have a relationship.’ And because I can’t access those feelings right now, it makes me doubt everything even more. I also feel guilty because my boyfriend is so loving and patient, but I feel like I’m hurting him. He tells me he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, and I hate that I can’t just snap out of this and be the way I was before. It’s exhausting. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I keep checking how I feel every second, and it just makes me feel worse. I know that’s a compulsion, but it’s so hard to stop. I keep searching for certainty, but no answer satisfies me. Even when I try to accept the uncertainty, my mind screams, ‘But what if you don’t love him? What if you’re just lying to yourself?’ I want to be present with him. I want to feel love naturally again. But I don’t know how to get there, and it’s terrifying.”
I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.
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