so-ocd tw also sorry this is so long last night i was talking with a friend of mine who is a lesbian and honestly it was very triggering. she was explaining her internalised homophobia and stuff, and how it’s led her to resent boys because they can simply like girls without any judgement, but she has to be an ‘outsider’ (her words) for it. it was sad to hear. and it made me anxious. i get turned on by boobs and i won’t deny that. and i often feel very ashamed for it. i worry it’s creepy and weird and wrong for my friends. in addition to that, i begin to feel like i can’t be straight because of it. it’s like i see women as inherently more sexual than guys (probably because i was exposed to porn quite young and it became a little unhealthy at some points). i’m worried i envy my straight guy friends for liking boobs with no shame. on a whole other note though, i’m honestly okay with the idea of being bisexual. infact, as an exposure, i came out to my friends as bi in march. and they didn’t care at all. i don’t know for sure if i actually am bi. like i said, i find women sexually ‘appealing’ but i’ve always found boys dreamy and attractive. and i’ve always wanted to date or marry a guy. what hurts is i’m now scared im 100% lesbian and i don’t like guys. it feels like a huge part of me has been ripped out. and it’s like i just have to accept it, or be filled with shame like my friend is. another thing is that whenever i’ve kissed boys it’s really sucked. like it’s just felt super uncomfortable and unhygienic. so now if a guy wants to kiss me, i feel grossed out. then i begin to imagine a GIRL kissing me, and it feels clean and stuff? which i hate. this feels like definite proof that i don’t like guys. it just makes me feel so empty. two nights ago i was fantasising all day about my (male) crush, and literally all i wanted was to be next to him again. yet now i feel like a closeted lesbian. i hope it’s just ocd. thanks if you read :)

I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?

hi i’m a lesbian! and i have known im a lesbian for a really long time and i have a sweet girlfriend of 1 year. it all started when i saw this masc lesbian come out as straight, after that i had my guy friend over and he’s a sweet guy and he was flirting with me (he didn’t know i was gay) im not sure but i panicked and my brain froze and i was like “do i like him”, ever since my brain has been over worked 24/7 for 2 months now and it’s spiralling constantly. im trying to control it but all these thoughts are so disgusting and my brain tries to put him and i in scenarios that make me uncomfortable and i feel panic and i hate it. i have always been comfortable being a lesbian and i still am comfortable as a lesbian, but i dislike these thoughts i have about him and men and i want it to be over. i do not want to experiment with men even tho my brain is telling me i do, i find it disgusting and i dread it, i have a sweet girlfriend and i want to be with her forever, i do not imagine anything with any men and i hate these thoughts. im scared of becoming bisexual/straight one day and i hate hearing sexuality is fluid. its a whole mix of comphet and so-ocd

I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments