- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I relate to all of this SO MUCH. I had a huge spike related to tumblr too oh my gosh.... TMI warning but last summer I was masturbating and looking at a porn page on tumblr and then I was looking at the notes and clicked on a random blog (i was trying to see if I could find a different porn blog lmao) and they had a picture of a child that wasn't sexually explicit but was kind of in the vein of sexualizing a child's body and I freaked out and had to stop and it haunted me for weeks after. Now I'm so worried I will find a child's body sexually attractive, always questioning myself, constantly telling myself "why are you denying it?" And freaking out. I'm also studying psychology and had a professor that like LOVED Freud and all his theories which is literally the worst for ocd, fuck Freud, and that really set my ocd off majorly. This past month has been better but I still get triggered and go down the anxiety spiral.
- Date posted
- 6y
I totally get you! Same here! It all started on tumblr, came across some not so appropriate content, and was like omg. And then freaked out that the gov might have their eye on me because of it now and my mind does not stop wondering and freaking out. I feel like i want to just give in, like let my mind wonder like people say but im scared that i will feel horrible? They say reassurance is bad, so what do i do? Continue the thoughts, being as disturbing as they are? Its all so confusing. I feel like I’m stuck.
- Date posted
- 6y
My pocd started when my friends husband called me a pedophile (jokingly) after i made a joke about their baby boy. From what I've learned, i guess you have to become numb to the thoughts by living with them. You have to try to just do what's right everyday and enjoy life. The thoughts occur because of our fear. It's so hard though i know
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m so happy there are other people like me. I’m a young girl and I’ve always been attracted to older boys, but these past couple of years I’ve been scared that I’m a pedophile
- Date posted
- 6y
Sorry for the rant lol
- Date posted
- 6y
@katarina51 yes it is so hard. And im sorry. i remember constantly googling what a pedophile was and signs of it. And i felt soo bad. I wasnt gonna be able to live with myself, until i came across this app, and seen the topics and stumbled upon pocd, and read on it. It felt soooooooooo relieving to see i wasnt crazy and that it was scientifically proven to be a thing! Now I’m just like well, what if i like it and I’m just hiding behind the fact that pocd exists??
- Date posted
- 6y
@iajswh what I've heard is that a pedophile will go out of their way to be near kids. For example, theyll go to a park for the kids. But for us, well want to go as far away from a park as possible because we're afraid.
- Date posted
- 6y
Omg I’m literally the exact same way and ive been struggling with pocd since seeing cartoon child porn and then having to question myself if I liked it or not. From there I started googling things to compare myself to pedophiles and felt really uneasy looking at children. There’s also a constant struggle with morality.
- Date posted
- 6y
Can you do some ERP with your therapist about this?
- Date posted
- 6y
Yep.
- Date posted
- 6y
@T. Its okay i completely understand. If i may ask, what/who is freud and what was his theories about? Maybe i can understand a bit better?
- Date posted
- 6y
@iajswh Freud was important for modern day psychology but had theories that some buy into and some don't. Mainly his ideas of repression set me off - and if you haven't really looked into it don't waste your time, it's basically saying you repress any "bad" thoughts or feelings you have but that repression causes you anxiety and that your "unconscious" mind may want things that are bad and your superego (morals) have to contradict those so you don't actually do the bad things. I told all of this to my therapist (about how these ideas really set me off) and she said not to worry because the majority of people think Freud's theories are a bunch of crock, but still, they really triggered my ocd into being noticeable (beforehand I didn't know I even had it, and of course I still sometimes doubt that I do even though my therapist diagnosed me with it)
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
Sometimes I think " do I like kids?" "Would i get aroused if I saw content with kids?""What if I'm a pedo and cant accept it?" "What if I'm ok with these thoughts?" "What if I'm not distressed enough " "What if I enjoy these thoughts?" , i avoid kids as much as i can, i cant look at them bc I'm scared I'm gonna have some groin like response. I keep testing if I'd get turned on or if I'd have some groinal response to sexual scenarios with kids. Sometimes I think that if I took my life this would be over and i wouldn't have to think about this and i wish i doubted something else instead of things like this. I had similar situations just with different topics such as if i loved or found sexually appealing a guy while in a relationship and i kept asking myself those questions for months and i avoided going to school for weeks and when I went I'd cry and have anxiety attacks. I had it with past actions i obessed over and felt the need to exploit every detail and be honest because otherwise i was being a fraud. I had it for sexual things that happened when i was a child. Im not diagnosed with ocd but should i tell this to my local counselor? Can someone help? Give me advice or tell me anything?
- Date posted
- 21w
Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young 🫠 I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.
- Date posted
- 20w
(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.
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