Y'all this pocd is so stupid. I know myself. I'm a 21 year old woman who has literally been into older men since i was in elementary school lol. And I've been into my age and older too in women since 4th grade when i figured out i was bi. BUT, in all those years, I've never thought about children in the same manner. Kids actually always highly irritated me. Also, when someone I've dated acted too childish, i wasn't into it. The only thing I've been into is being the dominant over an ”innocent” acting person during sex. And this also goes with the daddy kink. BUT i never actually thought about kids in regards to these things. Literally nothing adds up to me wanting to seek out kids, but now, because of intrusive thoughts, I'm suddenly worried that I'm a pedophile? It's so stupid but here i am and i feel so gross and I'm so done. I don't want to worry anymore. I swear I'm a good person, i just want to believe it.

POCD

Username: T.T.

Date posted: 5y ago

I relate to all of this SO MUCH. I had a huge spike related to tumblr too oh my gosh.... TMI warning but last summer I was masturbating and looking at a porn page on tumblr and then I was looking at the notes and clicked on a random blog (i was trying to see if I could find a different porn blog lmao) and they had a picture of a child that wasn't sexually explicit but was kind of in the vein of sexualizing a child's body and I freaked out and had to stop and it haunted me for weeks after. Now I'm so worried I will find a child's body sexually attractive, always questioning myself, constantly telling myself "why are you denying it?" And freaking out. I'm also studying psychology and had a professor that like LOVED Freud and all his theories which is literally the worst for ocd, fuck Freud, and that really set my ocd off majorly. This past month has been better but I still get triggered and go down the anxiety spiral.

Username: iajswhiajswh

Date posted: 5y ago

I totally get you! Same here! It all started on tumblr, came across some not so appropriate content, and was like omg. And then freaked out that the gov might have their eye on me because of it now and my mind does not stop wondering and freaking out. I feel like i want to just give in, like let my mind wonder like people say but im scared that i will feel horrible? They say reassurance is bad, so what do i do? Continue the thoughts, being as disturbing as they are? Its all so confusing. I feel like I’m stuck.

Username: Katari51Katari51

Date posted: 5y ago

My pocd started when my friends husband called me a pedophile (jokingly) after i made a joke about their baby boy. From what I've learned, i guess you have to become numb to the thoughts by living with them. You have to try to just do what's right everyday and enjoy life. The thoughts occur because of our fear. It's so hard though i know

Username: zoelolzoelol

Date posted: 5y ago

I’m so happy there are other people like me. I’m a young girl and I’ve always been attracted to older boys, but these past couple of years I’ve been scared that I’m a pedophile

Username: Katari51Katari51

Date posted: 5y ago

Sorry for the rant lol

Username: iajswhiajswh

Date posted: 5y ago

@katarina51 yes it is so hard. And im sorry. i remember constantly googling what a pedophile was and signs of it. And i felt soo bad. I wasnt gonna be able to live with myself, until i came across this app, and seen the topics and stumbled upon pocd, and read on it. It felt soooooooooo relieving to see i wasnt crazy and that it was scientifically proven to be a thing! Now I’m just like well, what if i like it and I’m just hiding behind the fact that pocd exists??

Username: Katari51Katari51

Date posted: 5y ago

@iajswh what I've heard is that a pedophile will go out of their way to be near kids. For example, theyll go to a park for the kids. But for us, well want to go as far away from a park as possible because we're afraid.

Username: ρєαcнєѕρєαcнєѕ

Date posted: 5y ago

Omg I’m literally the exact same way and ive been struggling with pocd since seeing cartoon child porn and then having to question myself if I liked it or not. From there I started googling things to compare myself to pedophiles and felt really uneasy looking at children. There’s also a constant struggle with morality.

Username: KaltaKalta

Date posted: 5y ago

Can you do some ERP with your therapist about this?

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 5y ago

Yep.

Username: iajswhiajswh

Date posted: 5y ago

@T. Its okay i completely understand. If i may ask, what/who is freud and what was his theories about? Maybe i can understand a bit better?

Username: T.T.

Date posted: 5y ago

@iajswh Freud was important for modern day psychology but had theories that some buy into and some don't. Mainly his ideas of repression set me off - and if you haven't really looked into it don't waste your time, it's basically saying you repress any "bad" thoughts or feelings you have but that repression causes you anxiety and that your "unconscious" mind may want things that are bad and your superego (morals) have to contradict those so you don't actually do the bad things. I told all of this to my therapist (about how these ideas really set me off) and she said not to worry because the majority of people think Freud's theories are a bunch of crock, but still, they really triggered my ocd into being noticeable (beforehand I didn't know I even had it, and of course I still sometimes doubt that I do even though my therapist diagnosed me with it)

Username: jelly

Date posted: 5y ago

Hey so I’m an 18 year old college student I’ve had ocd for a long time but I never wanted to admit this aspect of it as part of it and I still don’t. That’s why I won’t say it cause I’ll just end up crying again. I don’t even want to post about it cause this would just make the problem real. I know I’m not sexually attracted to them but my mind wants to trick me and I end up getting confused on which is rlly me, like the other aspects of my ocd. It spiked ig when someone sent me a meme and it was fine but at the end of it it showed a child being shown in a sexual way which was suppose to I guess be funny but it wasn’t rlly funny to me at all and got uncomfortable and the pocd thoughts came in hard and I had such a bad panic attack and then I felt the need to go back and check to see what I was feeling and went to the video the next day after avoiding it to see which after reading the threads here is I guess a big no no? I know I’m not sexually attracted but my mind is playing these games and confuses me and I’m so scared to even talk to my therapist about it or ask people for help cause what if they think I’m a pedophile? Children genuinely make me happy and I have a motherly instinct to care for them but my mind turns it into something darker and I know I don’t think of these kids sexually but it’s like I have the power to?And that freaks me out so much and it won’t leave me alone I don’t know what to do I know I’m not one but my mind is tricking me and it’s freaking me out and if my mind says it could be what if other people think I am no one I trust will even understand idk what to do I just needed to put this somewhere to vent

POCD

Username: FuckOCD

Date posted: 4y ago

Someone please respond. Let me preface by saying that both my therapists and my mom don’t think I’m what I think I am. I have known I have OCD since I was 14, and I’m 22 now. (I had other forms of it in the past—perfectionism OCD, reverse HOCD (thought I was straight,) etc. But POCD is literally making me feel like trash and so scared and worthless. I can remember sooo many times when I had these thoughts and they weren’t “intrusive” because I didn’t know they were bad. Like so many times. So how does that make me any diff from an actual p********?! Now that I know they’re bad, we’re just going to call them intrusive?! I don’t want to hurt a child ever!! I want to have a relationship with someone my age! (But this can be true for real p********s too!!) I’m so scared, how can I just call these “false attractions” now?? Also, my type is young looking (people my age!) but does that mean I like them because they look child-like?! Please help, I want my happiness back. I’m not a bad person ?

POCD

Username: Karkaree

Date posted: 3y ago

goes I’m going to be brief and very detailed as possible ,I’m 26 female and I don’t know if it’s pocd or the real thing .okay so for starters I do suffer from anxiety and sometimes depression from as far as I can remember,I’ve dealt with bizarre thoughts in the past ,such as intrusive thoughts.I remember reading something about an high profile person getting caught up in cp and that made me start thinking about should I watch cp?.what is cp?.but I quickly realized that is something I didn’t want. To do and it was wrong .I’ve been watching porn since I was 11.it was normal porn but over the years I started watching different types But I have never watched CP.and don’t want to.i have never looked or touched an child sexually or thought about them in that way.I love kids I’ve always dreamed of being a mother,but sometimes I used to be nervous of the future like would I be a great mom or what if I abuse my child ?.different things .but fast forward when I used to masturbate I always think of celebrities who are 17,18 who are attractive but I never thought it was an problem because I would think it would be fantasy and that I wouldn’t actually do it in real life .and I have been doing this for 2 years now .but I noticed that when I’m near my god kids I start having thoughts like what if I touch him ? Or should I touch him but I always dismiss it and move on and feel bad afterwards because I have never thought about any kids that way.so fast forward a month after I masterbated .I was watching a documentary or something and it triggered me thinking I was an p and I start feeling guilty of all the things I’ve masterbated too and I have thought some stuff I’m not proud of .but it was like it was sudden and I couldn’t sleep And it was like it just kept replaying in my head to the point I started crying and overtime it subsided but I keep having these thoughts convincing myself I’m a p and yesterday I was near my godson and a thought popped in my head saying touch him touch him it was like an urge.but I resisted and I feel so bad because i love kids and now I don’t want to have any and I feel like killing myself I don’t know where these thoughts came from all of a sudden and why I couldn’t fight them off .I came across a photo of a preteen girl and while I was looking at the photo a thought popped in saying picture her in a bra and I immediately got disgusted and scared.I’m just on autopilot I’ve been googling and googling and just don’t know what to think .I’m just tired I’m just on the brink of tears and killing my self because I can’t accept that I’m this way .I’m so scared I don’t even want to leave the house or anything I was fine couple weeks ago now i don’t know who or what I’m doing I don’t have anyone to talk to I’m scared .it seems to be not as intense as it first was a Month ,but it still stays in the back of my mind ,I get urges seems real and want Me to do things I’m fighting,and it seems like my attraction to normal ppl have faded I’m having dreams about this situation,it seems I have arousal and when I have these thoughts I just want to cry because I don’t know how I got to this point.every time I see an photo of a kid I get an feeling in my stomach and I kinda get sick and my heart starts to race ,I keep googling signs of a p and now it seems I have moved on too teens I’m just to The point where I want to kill Myself,I don’t know what to do any more,I love children I’ve always wanted an family of my own but now not anymore.I’m stressed out and it seems to be all I think about is that I’m a p ,I can’t wake up Without worrying about ,it’s from The time I go to sleep to The time I wake up,I don’t know

POCD

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