Y'all this pocd is so stupid. I know myself. I'm a 21 year old woman who has literally been into older men since i was in elementary school lol. And I've been into my age and older too in women since 4th grade when i figured out i was bi. BUT, in all those years, I've never thought about children in the same manner. Kids actually always highly irritated me. Also, when someone I've dated acted too childish, i wasn't into it. The only thing I've been into is being the dominant over an ”innocent” acting person during sex. And this also goes with the daddy kink. BUT i never actually thought about kids in regards to these things. Literally nothing adds up to me wanting to seek out kids, but now, because of intrusive thoughts, I'm suddenly worried that I'm a pedophile? It's so stupid but here i am and i feel so gross and I'm so done. I don't want to worry anymore. I swear I'm a good person, i just want to believe it.

I relate to all of this SO MUCH. I had a huge spike related to tumblr too oh my gosh.... TMI warning but last summer I was masturbating and looking at a porn page on tumblr and then I was looking at the notes and clicked on a random blog (i was trying to see if I could find a different porn blog lmao) and they had a picture of a child that wasn't sexually explicit but was kind of in the vein of sexualizing a child's body and I freaked out and had to stop and it haunted me for weeks after. Now I'm so worried I will find a child's body sexually attractive, always questioning myself, constantly telling myself "why are you denying it?" And freaking out. I'm also studying psychology and had a professor that like LOVED Freud and all his theories which is literally the worst for ocd, fuck Freud, and that really set my ocd off majorly. This past month has been better but I still get triggered and go down the anxiety spiral.

I totally get you! Same here! It all started on tumblr, came across some not so appropriate content, and was like omg. And then freaked out that the gov might have their eye on me because of it now and my mind does not stop wondering and freaking out. I feel like i want to just give in, like let my mind wonder like people say but im scared that i will feel horrible? They say reassurance is bad, so what do i do? Continue the thoughts, being as disturbing as they are? Its all so confusing. I feel like I’m stuck.

My pocd started when my friends husband called me a pedophile (jokingly) after i made a joke about their baby boy. From what I've learned, i guess you have to become numb to the thoughts by living with them. You have to try to just do what's right everyday and enjoy life. The thoughts occur because of our fear. It's so hard though i know

I’m so happy there are other people like me. I’m a young girl and I’ve always been attracted to older boys, but these past couple of years I’ve been scared that I’m a pedophile

Sorry for the rant lol

@katarina51 yes it is so hard. And im sorry. i remember constantly googling what a pedophile was and signs of it. And i felt soo bad. I wasnt gonna be able to live with myself, until i came across this app, and seen the topics and stumbled upon pocd, and read on it. It felt soooooooooo relieving to see i wasnt crazy and that it was scientifically proven to be a thing! Now I’m just like well, what if i like it and I’m just hiding behind the fact that pocd exists??

@iajswh what I've heard is that a pedophile will go out of their way to be near kids. For example, theyll go to a park for the kids. But for us, well want to go as far away from a park as possible because we're afraid.

Omg I’m literally the exact same way and ive been struggling with pocd since seeing cartoon child porn and then having to question myself if I liked it or not. From there I started googling things to compare myself to pedophiles and felt really uneasy looking at children. There’s also a constant struggle with morality.

Can you do some ERP with your therapist about this?

Yep.

@T. Its okay i completely understand. If i may ask, what/who is freud and what was his theories about? Maybe i can understand a bit better?

@iajswh Freud was important for modern day psychology but had theories that some buy into and some don't. Mainly his ideas of repression set me off - and if you haven't really looked into it don't waste your time, it's basically saying you repress any "bad" thoughts or feelings you have but that repression causes you anxiety and that your "unconscious" mind may want things that are bad and your superego (morals) have to contradict those so you don't actually do the bad things. I told all of this to my therapist (about how these ideas really set me off) and she said not to worry because the majority of people think Freud's theories are a bunch of crock, but still, they really triggered my ocd into being noticeable (beforehand I didn't know I even had it, and of course I still sometimes doubt that I do even though my therapist diagnosed me with it)