Hi, I’m new here but wanted to take the leap and try this out. I have had OCD since about 4 years old. Right now I’m having a hard time and would appreciate hearing from other people who go through what I do to help me feel a bit better because I always feel like no one around me gets what I go through. I have been with my partner for 10 years with lots of crazy ups and downs, probably more than your average relationship. My fiancé used to be a heroin addict at the time we met, but for awhile I had no idea. Later on of course it came out because something like that is hard to conceal for a long period of time. Anyways, during the whole thing was traumatizing, he made horrible decisions but we were so good and compatible with one another when drugs weren’t ruining everything so he finally went to rehab to get better for himself, his son, & I after 2 years of having enough. He healed and did all the work and has been clean and sober for almost 5 or 6 years now. I was left though with a lot of trauma and OCD triggers and when we began our relationship again with him sober I was in a depressed state & scared because I was so afraid he would relapse and I worried and worried myself to death that our lives would go back to how bad it was when he was at his worst. Now I wake up every morning with anxiety because somedays I will have a hard time feeling while I’m with him due to depression or anxiety, I’m hoping, and I start to flip out that I might be falling out of love. I even had a therapist say “maybe you just need to accept it” not understanding ROCD. That caused me to have even more anxiety and be worse ever since. So just curious if anyone else goes through long stages of numbness or not being attracted due to depression, anxiety or OCD with the person your with. It makes me feel SO guilty all day everyday because I don’t think it’s my OCD, my brain keeps thinking it’s me and I fell out of love. :(

Good morning everyone, I need some opinions or help on what people might think is wrong. March 2024 is when I started questioning everything about my relationship for no reason he is everything that I wanted, but my mind is trying to tell me that it isn't April 2024 was probably one of the worst times of my life I stayed home from work because I was constantly crying and totally sick because I didn't know what to do. The thoughts slowly started to not bother me as much. I feel like since it ever started I never have gotten that. Love feeling back for my boyfriend, but I want it back so bad because when I did have it, it was absolutely amazing. I have no desire to kiss him or be intimate with him either which also scares me fast-forward to today. I am waking up with so many doubts in questioning myself. Is this ever gonna go away or am I ever gonna feel that love back for my boyfriend ever again? I feel like I'm wasting his time and my time because it feels never ending. I went to a therapist shortly after starting to deal with this and she didn't really seem to help so now on Wednesday I have a new therapist that specializes in OCD I think does anyone have any advice? Thank you so much in advance.

I am in a relatively new relationship (around 2 months) and it has been completely virtual due to varying circumstances. I have never been in a serious relationship before and my past “exes” have never been this serious or brought up any of these feelings. About a month in I started having tons of symptoms and thoughts I figured were due to an SSRI change (i eventually went back to my original med/dose) however, it has remained quite bad since. Thoughts include: -I don’t actually like my partner, I just like the feeling of being wanted -I have crushes on other people, including my partners friends who I barely know -I don’t feel butterflies so I must be losing feelings for him -I think he’s ugly/im just not attracted to him -I’m secretly a lesbian and I’m wasting his time by being with him -a general feeling of dread, wrongness, or needing out of the relationship -not being able to believe him when he reassures me about everything -all of the above is just my genuine feelings and I’m using ocd as an excuse These are obviously crazy things to think, however one of my biggest compulsions is confession and self sabotage so I have told my partner all of these things in detail. He’s really great and patient about all of it but I can tell it weighs on him. Hes even recently expressed feeling like it’s his fault and that he wonders if it wouldn’t be this bad if I was with someone else. I feel so miserable but i feel like I’d be miserable in any relationship but im scared that’s not the truth and my ocd isn’t real. When it’s good i feel the most romantic love for him I’ve ever felt toward anyone ever. He’s an incredible person but I just feel so alone and lost on what to do. I’ve literally tried to break up with him like five times and each time we’ve ended up wanting to stay together. I’m really really scared I’ll never get better or this is simply the wrong relationship for me.

I’m new to treatment and only realized I have OCD a few months ago. I went through a tough and abusive marriage and ended up getting divorced. I had my first panic attack several years ago and ended up needing to go on Lexapro. This helped me significantly and allowed me to leave my partner. Several years later and I decided to stop Lexapro because I thought I was good to go. I’m in a very healthy relationship, have a great job, friends/family, go to the gym and have a wonderful life. It’s been about a year off the meds and I’ve had some panic, but I’ve been able to manage it. For some reason, the last three weeks has been really difficult for me. I have different spirals and different thought processes: what if I’m schizophrenic? What if I have a deeper mental disorder? What if I hurt someone? What if I need to leave my partner? What if I end up becoming so depressed that I end up hurting myself? My brain just goes from one what if to the next and once I conquer one, the next one pops up with even more intensity. I started taking NAC and inositol and I’m taking saffron during the day because I really don’t wanna go on back on medication but sometimes my thoughts scare me and I’m convinced that I’m not gonna get better and I know that’s just the OCD loop, but I’m wondering if this resonates with anyone else!