- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Let’sgo I have the same fear. I can remember having these thoughts going back for yearsssss, and I’m so paranoid that that means it’s “real” and I just ignored it and pushed it aside and now it’s coming to get me. It’s a really scary scary feeling, that you’ve built your whole life as a lie. Is it possible that you and I did that? I guess! But I don’t think it’s true. I don’t know how old you are, but I don’t think that sexual deviance just lies dormant and then one day shows up to say hello! People might commit crimes later in life, but I don’t think well-adjusted people just casually wake up one day and discover an entirely secret side of themselves. My therapist said that anyway lolol
- Date posted
- 6y
Ok, so three years older than me! And you’re welcome. I feel tricked ALL the time recently, even now typing. There’s a tiny voice “why are you trying to lie to this guy and make him think you aren’t a P.” It sucks, but it’s true.
- Date posted
- 6y
Also, I totally get the temptation to Google about P’s (sorry I hate typing the word sometimes.) but it’s suuuuuchhhh a dead end. Because you will always find an exception to the rule. There’s all the scientific and psychological data, and then there’s one story about a some guy who defies all of the “criteria.” It’s truly a horror show of “But I could be like....!” I still feel compelled to do that sometimes, but I try to not go down that road because you will always find someone who’s story “is like yours.”
- Date posted
- 6y
I think about that often! What life was like before all of this. But my advice is not to focus on that: it’ll only upset you more to try and “get back to before.” I try to focus my best on building new. OCD has ravaged me at times but it’s also provided me with insight and understanding that I really don’t think a lot of people have unfortunately. That’s the blessing in our curse I believe. So thinking to how I was before only makes me feel depressed that I’m not that, but I can be better now!
- Date posted
- 6y
Aw thank you. That means so much to me. Finding this forum has been such a help to me. I’ve posted on countless before, but there’s something so great about this one. All of you guys have been so kind and understanding. And you’ve been a great help to me too! Hearing that means the world to me. :)
- Date posted
- 6y
Just now finding this post but to second things everyone else already said... ocd will always make you think that you need to figure something out and if you just think a little longer you are going to crack the code. LIES LIES LIES it’s a futile search and it’s all uncertainty. You will never find the answers because there are none. Embrace the uncertainty that you can’t figure it out, have confidence in yourself, be kind and compassionate and practice forgiveness in yourself, and tell ocd that it can buck off because you have values and a life worth living. When the thoughts come up, say “oh ok thanks for reminding me I might be a P. I might.. and I might not. Who knows. but I’m currently headed to the gym and it’s a sunny day so I’m going to enjoy this moment :)” Some of the ways I’ve learned to deal with it. Hope it helps
- Date posted
- 6y
Sometimes it’s okay to not know the answers, accept uncertainity. And it’s okay to feel scared, you did what you thought was best at the time with the resources you have. We all have our ups and downs ?
- Date posted
- 6y
I like to think that one day we will get through this mess and look back and laugh. And I will be able to pickup my life where I left it back in October when this all started.
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh good I’m glad it’s helping too lol. That Instagram page literally keeps me going lol
- Date posted
- 6y
That’s so scary...but why children? & how does OCD relate to the children part?
- Date posted
- 6y
he has an obsession that revolves around the fear of being attracted to children
- Date posted
- 6y
That’s true! Thank you for that. I guess I just keep getting tricked by the OCD, and it’s trying to keep me stuck. I’m 24 by the way!
- Date posted
- 6y
Couldn’t of said it better myself. I really appreciate the support you bring me and the others on this platform. Helping others is something I value and always strive to do. So if you ever need any support from me, I’ve got your back.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you so much. I’ve been monitoring the other thread that you two were talking in and it’s been awesome. Currently going through that Instagram you mentioned. It’s amazing!!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I was looking up stuff about kinks, because my friend is trying to help me "get out there", and I took the bdsm test to see where I land on it. I got 100% vanilla, and I was a little embarassed so I decided to Google things like "is it normal to not have a lot of kinks" or "what % of the population is into kink" and when I scrolled down a bit, I clicked on one of the little suggestion things with the arrow that said "are men more prone to enjoying kink than women" and it revealed a blurb from the website that said that men are in fact more inclined to kink, but also mentioned that it also means they're more inclined to p*dophellia, which sort of set off all these questions in my head of like "Wait so if p*dophellia is just a kink, does that make it more likely that I have it? Because scientenists still don't know what causes it so what if events in my childhood led up to me having it to some extent" and I started kind of going down this internal rabbit hole of trying to figure out how likely it is that I have it or some form of it bc if it's just a kink and not a mental illness than it feels more feasible? Idk I'm a woman so ik it's not AS common in us but it's still possible. I'm doing a little better with redirecting my attention and cooling my anxiety but I had an onslaught of intrusive images before falling asleep like I used to have when I first started experiencing this fear. It's been really catapulting me back to the beginning and I find that I'm ruminating on when it started and if it really means I'm a p or not. I know it's classic ocd but it's hard when it doesn't feel that way ;-; anyway, I'm too scared to Google bc i know it'll be a form of reassurance but also I'm just scared of having anything related to that in my search history so I just thought I'd post here. Anyone else have conflicting thoughts like this?
- Date posted
- 23w
I’m worried about times when Child P*rn or suspicious porn videos have come up in the past. I tend to use Twitter for porn and it’s not the most moderated app out there but I was never looking for videos or pictures or anything related to that. Unfortunately stuff still has popped up and I’m just worried about if my reaction was perfect because I have intense POCD I want to say it’s nearly as severe as it can get so I just feel as if I remember times when something suspicious came up and I stayed for a moment to make sure I wasn’t attracted or maybe left and came back to be sure I was safe and didn’t like it and I’m afraid this counts as seeking out or engaging in illegal content that would get me in trouble. I’ve never once looked this stuff up and anyone who creates saves distributed or likes this stuff I believe deserves prison time for life but I’m just so worried that I didn’t react in the way I should’ve I’m 20 years old so I’m relatively young and I’m jus worried about what this means about me any one else deal with anything similar?
- Date posted
- 14w
Im 16 years old and female and up until very late last year and this year I’ve been having thought almost every day that I’m a pedophile or that I’m sexually attracted to or want a romantic relationship with child. I don’t know how to explain it and I don’t want judgment because I’m genuinely so scared and disgusted, but anytime I’m around children I feel my chest tighten, my body feels warm and it feels like I don’t know how to breathe. I sometimes get a groomer response but even then I don’t know if it’s a ground response or not. Also I tend to stare at children when I’m anywhere near them, I feel like if I don’t I’m a weirdo and if I don’t look at them it means I’m attracted to them which I guess could be POCD but I feel like I stare at them inappropriately. Not too long ago maybe three weeks ago I went to the park with my family and there were two girls in their swim suits and I was looking at their backsides and I felt really anxious and scared like I usually do but I felt so upset by looking at them that way and now I’m scared to go to pools or splash pads because every time I do I feel like I stare at them gross and I just feel so disgusted with myself. When I tell myself not to look I end up looking and then I stare. I feel better when I’m not around them but even then, I look back at what I saw earlier that day and I feel anxious again and then I look up what’s been happening and then I feel more worried it’s not OCD. My friends who have OCD say I might have it but I can’t get a therapist, I can’t talk to anyone I’m scared I’ll be put in jail and that I’m not a good person. I’ve never head thoughts like this until this year and near the end of last year and they come now? I don’t know what to do.
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