- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Let’sgo I have the same fear. I can remember having these thoughts going back for yearsssss, and I’m so paranoid that that means it’s “real” and I just ignored it and pushed it aside and now it’s coming to get me. It’s a really scary scary feeling, that you’ve built your whole life as a lie. Is it possible that you and I did that? I guess! But I don’t think it’s true. I don’t know how old you are, but I don’t think that sexual deviance just lies dormant and then one day shows up to say hello! People might commit crimes later in life, but I don’t think well-adjusted people just casually wake up one day and discover an entirely secret side of themselves. My therapist said that anyway lolol
- Date posted
- 6y
Ok, so three years older than me! And you’re welcome. I feel tricked ALL the time recently, even now typing. There’s a tiny voice “why are you trying to lie to this guy and make him think you aren’t a P.” It sucks, but it’s true.
- Date posted
- 6y
Also, I totally get the temptation to Google about P’s (sorry I hate typing the word sometimes.) but it’s suuuuuchhhh a dead end. Because you will always find an exception to the rule. There’s all the scientific and psychological data, and then there’s one story about a some guy who defies all of the “criteria.” It’s truly a horror show of “But I could be like....!” I still feel compelled to do that sometimes, but I try to not go down that road because you will always find someone who’s story “is like yours.”
- Date posted
- 6y
I think about that often! What life was like before all of this. But my advice is not to focus on that: it’ll only upset you more to try and “get back to before.” I try to focus my best on building new. OCD has ravaged me at times but it’s also provided me with insight and understanding that I really don’t think a lot of people have unfortunately. That’s the blessing in our curse I believe. So thinking to how I was before only makes me feel depressed that I’m not that, but I can be better now!
- Date posted
- 6y
Aw thank you. That means so much to me. Finding this forum has been such a help to me. I’ve posted on countless before, but there’s something so great about this one. All of you guys have been so kind and understanding. And you’ve been a great help to me too! Hearing that means the world to me. :)
- Date posted
- 6y
Just now finding this post but to second things everyone else already said... ocd will always make you think that you need to figure something out and if you just think a little longer you are going to crack the code. LIES LIES LIES it’s a futile search and it’s all uncertainty. You will never find the answers because there are none. Embrace the uncertainty that you can’t figure it out, have confidence in yourself, be kind and compassionate and practice forgiveness in yourself, and tell ocd that it can buck off because you have values and a life worth living. When the thoughts come up, say “oh ok thanks for reminding me I might be a P. I might.. and I might not. Who knows. but I’m currently headed to the gym and it’s a sunny day so I’m going to enjoy this moment :)” Some of the ways I’ve learned to deal with it. Hope it helps
- Date posted
- 6y
Sometimes it’s okay to not know the answers, accept uncertainity. And it’s okay to feel scared, you did what you thought was best at the time with the resources you have. We all have our ups and downs ?
- Date posted
- 6y
I like to think that one day we will get through this mess and look back and laugh. And I will be able to pickup my life where I left it back in October when this all started.
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh good I’m glad it’s helping too lol. That Instagram page literally keeps me going lol
- Date posted
- 6y
That’s so scary...but why children? & how does OCD relate to the children part?
- Date posted
- 6y
he has an obsession that revolves around the fear of being attracted to children
- Date posted
- 6y
That’s true! Thank you for that. I guess I just keep getting tricked by the OCD, and it’s trying to keep me stuck. I’m 24 by the way!
- Date posted
- 6y
Couldn’t of said it better myself. I really appreciate the support you bring me and the others on this platform. Helping others is something I value and always strive to do. So if you ever need any support from me, I’ve got your back.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you so much. I’ve been monitoring the other thread that you two were talking in and it’s been awesome. Currently going through that Instagram you mentioned. It’s amazing!!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I’m worried about times when Child P*rn or suspicious porn videos have come up in the past. I tend to use Twitter for porn and it’s not the most moderated app out there but I was never looking for videos or pictures or anything related to that. Unfortunately stuff still has popped up and I’m just worried about if my reaction was perfect because I have intense POCD I want to say it’s nearly as severe as it can get so I just feel as if I remember times when something suspicious came up and I stayed for a moment to make sure I wasn’t attracted or maybe left and came back to be sure I was safe and didn’t like it and I’m afraid this counts as seeking out or engaging in illegal content that would get me in trouble. I’ve never once looked this stuff up and anyone who creates saves distributed or likes this stuff I believe deserves prison time for life but I’m just so worried that I didn’t react in the way I should’ve I’m 20 years old so I’m relatively young and I’m jus worried about what this means about me any one else deal with anything similar?
- Date posted
- 16w
Im 16 years old and female and up until very late last year and this year I’ve been having thought almost every day that I’m a pedophile or that I’m sexually attracted to or want a romantic relationship with child. I don’t know how to explain it and I don’t want judgment because I’m genuinely so scared and disgusted, but anytime I’m around children I feel my chest tighten, my body feels warm and it feels like I don’t know how to breathe. I sometimes get a groomer response but even then I don’t know if it’s a ground response or not. Also I tend to stare at children when I’m anywhere near them, I feel like if I don’t I’m a weirdo and if I don’t look at them it means I’m attracted to them which I guess could be POCD but I feel like I stare at them inappropriately. Not too long ago maybe three weeks ago I went to the park with my family and there were two girls in their swim suits and I was looking at their backsides and I felt really anxious and scared like I usually do but I felt so upset by looking at them that way and now I’m scared to go to pools or splash pads because every time I do I feel like I stare at them gross and I just feel so disgusted with myself. When I tell myself not to look I end up looking and then I stare. I feel better when I’m not around them but even then, I look back at what I saw earlier that day and I feel anxious again and then I look up what’s been happening and then I feel more worried it’s not OCD. My friends who have OCD say I might have it but I can’t get a therapist, I can’t talk to anyone I’m scared I’ll be put in jail and that I’m not a good person. I’ve never head thoughts like this until this year and near the end of last year and they come now? I don’t know what to do.
- Date posted
- 15w
*tmi warning* I'm so worried im a P. Ive been crying daily unable to do anything else but ruminate over my real events. When i was 14 (before ocd) i was watching adult content and it was censored. The woman had similar features like hair and skin color as my niece. I remember noticing that and saying "huh i guess I'll imagine that as the adult version of my niece" and I did and after i was finished i moved on and didnt think anything was wrong. I dont know if i ever thought about that again? Its so blurry ocd keeps saying i did it again in a different time but i dont remember its too blurry and its scaring me so badly! I didnt even remember this till like literally last week and i wanted to die! Im 20 for context. When I remembered i immediately broke down in tears. I vaguely rmemeber this other thought i had of her when self pleasuring when I was 16??? I think it was a testing thought out of distress? But im not sure at all! It was extremely vague image and unrealistic i dont think I liked it but maybe i did?! Im so distressed its like i remmeber 2 versions of this particular event which is why I think its ocd false memories from there. Ive been ruminating and spiraling for almost a week. I keep crying i havent ate well at all in days ive been honestly dehydrating myself and i cannot sleep. I feel like a monster. I did the mistake of researching last night and kept comparing myself to the "criteria" of those sickos and like I felt so distressed. I also have been asking ai for hours on end everyday. I feel so distressed im literally crying rn as i write this i cant calm down i feel like this sick individual even tho I dont even like thinking of that at all i dont think I meant ill intent when i was a teen but its killing me inside. I would NEVER harm anyone nor want to or plan to, deep down i know I would never act out in those evil ways but like whats killing me is what if im attracted?! Is this a sign?! Am i one of those people?! Am i attracted to my niece bc of those 2 maybe even 3(??)thoughts years ago?! Did i mean ill intent?! Am I an actual danger?! Am I a monster??? I have so many urges to confess to my mom im so scared what this all means or could mean. I feel so alone and scared. Like legit whenever i get intrusive thoughts about gross stuff i feel disgusted and anxious and push it away. Those thoughts do not bring me pleasure whatsoever but this real event is making me doubt my own identity 😔
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