Does anyone else keep reminding themselves that: “it’s just HOCD” numerous times in their heads when the thoughts and feelings are so real? Well I’m having a hard time sleeping rn cause of it.

I can def relate, I’m even afraid to get into a relationship with a guy since the thoughts keep holding me back. It’s exhausting.

@Kärsiä same here. My attraction to men is zero rn and I’m questioning all my past crushes to see if they were actually real crushes. I fear that i’ll never love a man i’m so scared bc it actually feels like i’ll end up with a woman. I also dig in my past for proof I’m lesbian. Like I’ll be analyzing all my past interactions and friendships with girls and I’ll convince myself I actually had a crush on them and didn’t know. Like my ex best friend was v toxic and I’ll do anything she asked me too. But I didn’t know she was toxic and I admired her bc her life was so much cooler than mine. However it was at that time I started having those intrusive thoughts ab kissing her but my hocd wasn’t fully there yet. I was so confused with those thoughts but I think they were unwanted bc they would cause me distress. I even started thinking “do I wanna be her or kiss her?”. But then those thoughts went away and I never questioned them again until now. Im like convinced I had a crush on her and Im so scared. Does that sound like a crush? And can u relate?

@strawberry ice cream It’s best to sit with uncertainty, as much as I don’t like to go through that- I’d have to bear with it. When I get questions like those in my head- I’d just reply “maybe, maybe not” and I won’t get bothered by it as much than before.

@Kärsiä Im sorry I just wanted to know if that sounds like a crush Im like paranoid. Ik it’s best to sit with the uncertainty but ugh it’s so so hard. Can u at least tell me if u can relate or if it sounds like hocd?

@strawberry ice cream Idk if this is relatable but because of my hocd- it started digging with my past and somehow stumbled on a memory when I was younger. I masturbated to a thought of me having sex with my female friend despite my zero attraction and interest towards her (and it only happened once), the amount of nausea was so overwhelming to me that it felt like I developed real-event ocd. I got stuck in that memory, Malvolia (what I call my ocd) just kept repeating it over and over again to the point that I almost was convinced that I had “surpressed” feelings towards women. The memory was too terrifying for me, I stopped digging for more answers to it. It’s really hard not to and it’s agonizing not to keep on researching about my past and it’s meaning. So I do think it’s hocd, the memory was so long ago that it has the power to do something like that.