i hate when i get tripped up by so-ocd again. i had gone a while without thinking about it but now it’s back. i can honestly accept the idea of me being bisexual. like i’m not fussed and i don’t think anyone i know would be fussed. my biggest worry is essentially not liking guys. so when i get thoughts saying guys are less ‘appealing’, it’s super worrying. women turn me on. i don’t know if i’d really want to have sex with a woman but maybe i would. i also don’t know if i’d really want a relationship with a woman. on the other hand, men have always been my crushes, who i’ve fantasised about and stuff. i would want to have sex and be in a relationship with a man. i feel safe and happy with that idea. but then i worry being with a girl would make me PREFER them to men. and i’d lose a big chunk of who i am. i read about gay women who had a lot of internalised homophobia and tried to convince themselves they liked men, and i’m worried that’s what i’m doing. i can accept myself maybe being bi but i don’t think i can accept myself being gay. and i worry it’s because of what the world / society would think, making me no different to those women who had internalised homophobia. the only difference i guess is that i do think i really like men. but what if i’m completely wrong? what if i just WANT to like men?