I’m scared I just woke up from a nap and I had intrusive thoughts but I can’t tell if I wanted them or not idk but I felt the anxiety, what if I do something bad to a kid :(, or what if I want to ? It was scary to me it was like a rush like if I wanted to or something but I was anxious and confused .. I hate this :( I feel like a bad person fo waking up feeling like that

When I woke up today I got intense feelings of arousal and urges to masturbate and thoughts of this 12 year old kid I’ve seen irl started popping up, idk why it all happened, I can’t tell if I liked it or not. Or if I wanted it or not.

I woke up disassociating really bad ,I was super tired and if you read my prev post I've been having problems w depersonalization after a bad thc trip the other night. Im so so so scared I just said a slur or whispered it to myself because I cant properly remember things rn. I remember getting the thought and im scared i whispered it to myself and I cant tell if it happened or not bc waking up things feel rly blurry . It feels really real. I would never want to say such a word and im scared i did bc I was so out of it. I dont remember if i just had the thought or acted on it

17f That's it I'm a monster. Before yesterday I had classic textbook POCD. Avoided children like crazy, was scared to even look at them. But something randomly clicked in my head and I became a monster. I suddenly became numb to s*xual thoughts about children. No anxiety, no remorse, no "this is wrong" or "this is weird" feeling. Nothing. Just weird curiosity. I was able to imagine SAing a child. Even made a hypothetical plan on how I would do it. And still. No remorse. No nothing. Now it's the next day and I'm freaking out. I still feel kinda numb to the images and the morality itself but at the same time it scared me how OKAY I was with the thoughts even made a PLAN.