Hi, my name is Lizzie. I'm 19. This is my report English is not my first language, but I'm trying to find people like me, and here I found it. My pOCD started after I saw some videos with this theme, they appeared in the Instagram hashtag about clothing and I went to the report page and ended up seeing more, because I was in shock. it was disturbing the old men commenting on it. then i had a dream where I was a bully and now I have all symptoms of POCD. But there's a problem, I don't find professionals in my country and I'm afraid. My mom knows about my thoughts, but doesn't know that I have grongial response (which hurts me the most). I have lost a lot of pounds, I have no appetite, I have thoughts like "it would be better to die than to have these disgusting feelings with innocent people". I was never like that, I lived my teen years well, I always loved children, now I feel bad. I want throw up it. I want to be normal again.

I know it can be tough, but you can get through this! Thoughts are just thoughts! Try and get with a therapist!!!!! Stay well!

Thank you for your comment. I think the same, but a part of my brain don't :( it's hard

@Lizzie Scheavi I completely understand! Just know that your not alone and that you can get better! Prayers for you!

Hi, Lizzie. I am the same age as you and I go through something pretty much similar to you. Same theme, same type of event too, only for me it was on YouTube. It sucks. It sucks that disturbing things can be found on the internet, and on Instagram, it can be posted freely. Sorry you had to see whatever it was you saw. You definitely don't have to name any specifics of what it was. I hope you are getting better. You also did the right thing in trying to report things like that because those are real lives at risk and from the looks of the comments, people did not care. It sucks.

It's really sucks. Now I'm totally traumatized. I just wanted to see nice clothes, but those sick people were using the hashtag (in short videos on IG) to post this. It's heartening to see you're the same age as me. Thank you for replying me. Sorry for my bad english. Stay safe

@Lizzie Scheavi Yeah, there are tags and codes out there that can lead people into a downfall of messed up stuff online. Places like Reddit and adult sites have this all the time. I would advice you stay away from those sites honestly. You should limit your use of social media as best you can while you're at it. The only things that cause me stress in my life are anything sexual or social media. Social media has grown to do a number on our society both positively and negatively. You stay safe as well.

@BigGip09 Thanks for the advice, I had downloaded Reddit, but I won't use it anymore (I wanted to find something about OCD). Social media makes me anxious as hell. I just use YouTube and Twitter, but after my OCD turned to POCD I don't even connect anymore. Now I'm only 44 minutes on my cell phone. Sexual things make me feel bad. I think I'm traumatized. When I was younger I had HOCD and I remember that I was so confused and lonely. I was improving my social interactions, but I became even more antisocial. I followed you, you are a good person and you helped me, I hope you fight your demons. U can talk with me always! :)

Wow, 44 minutes a day on your phone? Throughout the entire day? What's your secret? I'd love to know. I would be extremely careful with Twitter. Even worse things could be found on there and there's little to no moderation handled over there. Honestly, I recommend that you cut the app out completely but I'm assuming you have good reason to use it. For me, YouTube has become a little draining and I thought this was the only platform of social media that was fine for me. I've been trying to limit my use on Instagram a lot more, but it's hard when you have contacts on there. This app along with YouTube and Discord as well. Excessive use just gets so exhausting. It's not really anxiety that's the problem but just the idea of being sucked into your screen all day long. I'd say I've been traumatized myself due to pornography. I've discovered it when I was only 13. 11, technically but I wasn't diving deep into it at the time. I didn't know sexual things made you feel bad too, it makes me feel bad pretty much all the time. It's the only thing I get stressed about, so I just neglect those feelings the best that I can. It's hard, but I guess in a way self discipline helps? I haven't seen any of that filth in the last 100 days. I'm proud that I can make a decision to say no, you know what I mean? It feels rewarding. I'll follow you back! You come off as a very nice person and you seem to understand me quite well. I wish you nothing but the best, friend. You're doing great. :)

my secret: I got depressed and didn't get out of bed lol. Twitter is toxic. I started using it because I interacted with the reader community and discovered news (especially in quarantine). On Twitter I saw funny things, but there is a lot of sexualization. I don't like Instagram, but my friends are there, so... (I hate TikTok) I found out about pornography with 11 too. I've never been one to watch these videos, but I'm curious and when I find something, however disturbing it is, I have to check it out, and be even more shocked. That was my mistake. In my case, I find this type of content in the books. You're a boy so, I suppose, you don't read books on Wattpad. There are terrible! Disgusting stories about disgusting fetishes. I was in my teen years when I saw this. So bad feelings... And now, when I say "I don't like hot scenes" people say I'm crazy or silly. I'm tired of this sexualized world. OMG, you don't even know how "refreshing" is read about your fights, and, as I can see, you're winning. Your comment shows me that I'm not alone. You're a nice person. You're a great guy, and of course a friend. I'm send you a virtual hug (forget COVID-19 for a while).

Oh. Sorry to hear that you've been depressed. I've had those moments in my earlier days of OCD. It was awful. I remember when I was in the bed the entire day and that just didn't feel like me. I couldn't keep going like that, even though it felt like nothing was worth interacting with. What a horrible feeling. :( And yeah, Twitter is indeed toxic. I've only used it to look at one page and never used it again. There really is no point in my opinion. I dislike Instagram as well. Honestly I don't like any social media at this point. Guess we have the same reason to use Instagram. I'm not familiar with Wattpad haha. This all started with cartoons that I used to watch.. that and websites that would depict all kinds of fictional things. I really hate that I didn't see anything wrong with this at the time. I really hate remembering this stuff and I wish I could just repress them out of my head. It really disturbs me and makes me feel bad. I was going to make a post about how much I don't like that this world has become so sexualized, but I decided to journal it instead. There's just so many things that are normalized that I just can't accept in that regard. It's so complicated. I'm not too open about not liking sexual scenes anywhere, but friends of mine do understand at an adequate level just like I do. It's nice to see that I'm not the only one, you know? You're a sweet woman and a great friend too. And trust me, I wish covid would be completely erased from the world. ⊂(´･◡･⊂ )∘˚˳°