Not OCD related but I'm in a conundrum: I play this online game and I met this guy there whom I started speaking with first in the game chat but we have now moved to discord and snapchat. I really liked him (finally actually liking a guy for the first time since I got HOCD) and we were hitting off really well, people we play with started teasing us (playfully) about playing so much together etc. and I was really happy and excited to play with him. But now I got a first picture of him and when I look at it, I think he is kinda cute but the moment I am not looking at this photo I start picturing him as something that I don't find attractive and I even started thinking about all the things that are wrong with him (and things I dislike about him) and now I don't know if that is just my fear of commitment, HOCD, or for real. I really like him. He just didn't look like what I had imagined by the sound of his voice (although he still looks good etc.). I don't know what to think and how do I get rid of these negative thoughts... help?

Tw Do you guys think with POCD/HOCD it‘s nearly impossible to not develop ROCD? I met my boyfriend during recovery, but I didn’t have any butterflies or faster heartbeat and I wasn’t that attracted to him but I was fascinated by his character, attitude and charisma. I started to google and asked friends if I’m allowed to start a relationship with him if I don’t have overwhelming feelings. I noticed I still thought about other guys.But I knew that I wanted to be with him I was feeling good and happy, he is perfect. I thought maybe I’ll develop harder feelings during the next couple of weeks. But I didn’t. I developed more feelings than I had in the beginning and even sometimes butterflies, but I always thought it wasn’t enough. After 2 months my POCD started coming back because I was asking myself constantly if I’m not enough attracted to my boyfriend. We got intimate a couple of weeks before it came up again and it was new and everything to me and it was hard to manage, questioning my feelings constantly. My therapist also said that we have to work on my feelings because she thinks I’m not letting me feel enough. She’s right, since POCD is here again, I am afraid to have feelings towards anyone because I think all my feelings are linked to children. I feel like I just can’t let go and be happy. I don’t know what to do. POCD is one thing, but I thought about breaking up with my boyfriend a lot of times because I feel very guilty concerning the fact about my lack of physical feelings. I know that I love him, I want to be with him, I want him to be the last person I see in the evening and the first person I see when I wake up, I feel safe, he feels like home, he is the most caring, loving and sweet person I’ve ever met. The thought of braking up with him makes me cry so hard and breaks my heart. But I just can’t stop thinking about whether it’s enough or not, whether it’s enough or not, whether it’s right or not. I think my OCD plays a huge part concerning the feelings but at the same time I question “what if not? What if OCD isn’t the one who stops you from feeling things and you just don’t love him?” It makes my POCD even worse. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do/feel/think. Whether it’s my OCD ruining it or not. If I’m ruining it myself and in denial and just not wanting to let go of my boyfriend. I feel very guilty especially towards him. But I want to be with him but all the things from the beginning and everything tells me that I shouldn’t. I don’t know anymore.

Anyone with HOCD/ROCD have any tips about going on a date when the thought of it makes you want to die of anxiousness? I’ve been talking to this guy on tinder who seems nice and everything but every time in the past that I’ve started talking to someone and say yes to a date, I literally cancel the next day cause I’m so deathly afraid. This isn’t even necessarily ocd’s fault I’ve always just been scared to death of this kinda thing but obviously having hocd, and what I believe is pre-rocd thoughts, make it seem literally impossible. But I WANT it. I think about having a boyfriend all the time. Ocd is so detrimental to everything you want it’s so frustrating. Ik- news flash haha. Anyways. Should I go? Is this bad timing- will I make everything worse for myself? He’s really cute and seems really nice. Jeez idk idk idk.

Here’s my biggest issue. I see men that I think are attractive or I’ll notice a good looking man, but not in a sexual way, I don’t wanna cuddle them, no of that stuff. I simply notice how good looking they are, then the thoughts trigger that ask “I wonder if think he has a good looking face means I gay”, then I keep asking questions along those lines. Then sometimes I’ll put my self in a gay situation in my head to try visualize whether I’d enjoy doing something gay. After all the mental gymnastics, I come to the conclusion of no. Then I proceed to ask myself, “is the answer only no because of what society would think, or how you were raised?”. And I genuinely can’t come up with an answer for that, I can’t tell if I’m just in the closet, or if this is just OCD, or what. I don’t know what to do and it drives me crazy.