- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I find that after I got HOCD I can’t really like someone off of looks as much. Of course I can be sexually attracted to someone based off of looks but from someone with low sex drive even before HOCD it was always more about personality and actions. Like before HOCD I never dated a conventionally beautiful girl but I had crushes on them. The girls I dated were all determined within the first few weeks if I was happy with them. My last girlfriend I was unhappy with because of her smoking habits, this is something my HOCD targets a lot too. But I wanted to be with her because she was sexually attractive. But now I am in HOCD I get my attraction to girls back every now and then and I usually fall for personality now. Of course after I’m hooked, sexual attraction isn’t as hard but as I’m anxious all the time it’s hard to tell the difference between anxiety and attraction but I notice usually when I see a girl I like I get bubbly and can’t resist smiling and I notice a major decrease in anxiety, but when I see someone my HOCD has targeted in the past or is currently targeting I cringe or my face drops and anxiety rises pretty much to the max. As for online relationships. I get that, my first girlfriend in high school was over the internet and we met on PlayStation. I assumed how she looked based off how she sounded but expectations like that pretty much always fall through, I still dated her and because I liked her a lot she seemed like the most beautiful girl ever. Of course this was before HOCD and before my social anxiety really took off.
- Date posted
- 3y
Lol wow this sounds exactly like what I deal with too
- Date posted
- 3y
Personality over looks. Just try not to over analyse xxxx
- Date posted
- 3y
I think I have always fell for the personality (not to sound snobby) but I think this is me just getting cold feet cause this is actually getting more serious now. Also I just realised that he kinda looks like this guy in my school whom I don't like that much and that might affect the way I feel :D I have never had a boyfriend before but I have always imagined myself with a certain type and now that he doesn't look like it, I'm unsure. I know looks don't matter and I should just focus on the fact that I feel happy with him and feel like I can be myself around him but I can't help these feelings rn. It helps to know others have been in similar situations as well.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 13w
I’ve been really struggling the last week and I need some help. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months who checks a lot of my relationship boxes. He’s so kind and we have a lot of fun together. The first few weeks I was totally smitten but had moments of fear about being committed. We talked about it and decided to take things slowly, and then I would have days of feeling like every thing was perfect with some fearful feelings in between. Two weeks ago now my SO-OCD and ROCD started to come back a little as well as my more anxious-avoidant behaviors. I started to get more scared of the future and it was more intense. At the end of last week, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He is exactly the type of person I see myself marrying and has great values and is so secure about me. Until last week, he generally made me feel so safe and secure. Ever since saying yes, I feel so scared and anxious and my SO-OCD and ROCD is on max. I also find myself getting more annoyed and irritated about things that were minor annoyances or non-issues before. I’m having intense physical responses to both OCD themes, and the nagging thought and feeling that I need to end things with him because we aren’t right for each other. It makes me feel so sad and guilty. Sex is becoming harder because of the thoughts too, whereas at first it was perfect. I don’t know who I can talk to about this without them telling me to just break up with him. Everything is so new so I think they’d chalk it up to my intuition. But I do want to be in love and have less fear around relationships, so I don’t want to give into the fear. I think it could help me to set boundaries and have space for myself more often. I think I need some advice or insight. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but having some around how other people have felt at the beginning of a relationship would help. Why is it that the label is freaking me out so much? How do you guys set boundaries to prioritize yourself when you feel this way?
- Date posted
- 11w
Hi everyone, I’m a 30-year-old woman, and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. I’ve always felt emotionally close to him — he’s caring, supportive, and we planned a future together, including having a family. I don’t want to leave him. He means so much to me. But for a while now, I’ve been obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction to him anymore. It’s not like I never felt anything — when we first met, there were butterflies, excitement, emotional connection… something real. He was never “just a friend” to me. But the physical side of the relationship feels like it’s slowly faded, and I’m panicking about what that means. I keep thinking things like: – “Maybe I chose the wrong person.” – “You can’t be in love without sexual desire.” – “If I was truly in love, I would still want him.” – “What if I’ve been lying to myself this whole time?” Sometimes my body reacts — I can feel physical closeness or even arousal — but my mind shuts down and says: “no, this isn’t right.” Other times, I feel tension, resistance, or even disgust during intimacy, and I can’t tell if that’s anxiety or if something is fundamentally wrong. What makes this even more confusing is that I truly believe that real love includes sexual attraction. For me, it’s all part of one feeling — not separate. So if the attraction is gone, does that mean the love is too? Is it possible that this is still OCD — that my mind is obsessing and disconnecting me from my real feelings? Has anyone experienced something similar? Any support would mean so much. I feel so stuck between my mind and my heart.
- Date posted
- 7w
Hey guys so I have been suffering with sexual ocd due to the fact that I don’t feel that romantic spark with him anymore, I love him and I know I do but I get to much in my thoughts thinking about why can’t I feel that anymore what has changed what if I don’t wanna be with anymore I’ve been with him for 4 years and at first I think it was ROCD but now I started thinking what if I’m into girls now I’ve always been the type to say oh a girl is so pretty or I like this about her but now I feel like every time I see a girl I’m like do I see myself in a relationship with her oh she’s pretty oh I like her voice do I find it attractive and sometimes I do !!! Which is killing me I feel disgust thinking about because what if I secretly am no shame to people who are my sister herself is but I just feel wierd because I wanna be with my husband and feel happy there not with a girl and feel like a man because I see myself in the mirrior and I’m like do I myself being a man do I look lesbian? Do I act lesbian or bi? What if secretly I wanna be a man or I imagine myself being a man in a relationship with a pretty girl and idk what to think
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