The worst part of soocd is when it makes me question my feelings and attraction to my partner. I start analyzing past memories to see if I felt “enough”, comparing what he feels like to be around compared to friends. Like today I was in the car thinking about how peaceful I am with him but then I had a dumb thought like “You’re seeing it through your eyes, you’re not remembering him enough. It’s like he’s not in the memory , just you.” and I didn’t pull myself out of that until I got home and fell asleep. It’s been 9 months since I’ve even seen him, of course I’m not going to remember his presence perfectly and of course it’s going to be through my eyes and how I felt. I really don’t care about any labels or anything stupid like that, I just don’t want to lose what I have for my partner that’s all. Long distance with rocd already makes me feel like a monster or like I’m supposed to feel a “certain” way every single day he’s gone.