I’m in a long distance relationship and I just realized that I use past good memories with my partner as reassurance when I get anxious or scared about our relationship. Normally that’s a good thing but obviously for rocd it can become a compulsion and now I’m terrified because the memories aren’t bringing the same feelings of calm and happiness they always do. I mean I still treasure them and I wish I could go back and relive those moments but they don’t feel as “rosy”. I think it’s just because I’m in my own head so much analyzing, looking for specific things, etc and of course even when I do find them I still get anxious which makes me feel like the memories aren’t enough even though when I’m not struggling with this theme the memories feel like the most beautiful memories I have in my life. Not to mention it’s been 9 months since I’ve seen him so of course the memories are a little blurry around the edges, plus I developed severe sexual orientation ocd which caused me to lose a lot of the confidence I used to have and on top of that I’m terrified that when he comes back it won’t feel the same so of course the memories make me anxious because I worry that I didn’t actually enjoy them or that it was all just me being infatuated as opposed to actual rocd. I hate this so so so so much, this bond is so special to me and it just tries to take it away when it’s all I want…