- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
My false memory is about when I felt aroused when I picked up a 2 year old or 3 year old I can’t remember how old she was. I was probably 14 or 15. When I was about 19 I started having harm ocd in nursing school and then one day (three years ago) the thought popped in my head “ what if you touched that child” and I remembered feeling aroused and i got so scared that maybe I did and I was severely depressed and anxious and thought I was going crazy and losing touch with reality. I remember feeling aroused once or twice before then and thinking how maybe it’s just my body saying that you want a baby etc and obviously I just let it go until this awful thought “what if” came into my mind and then once I started ruminating and worrying about past memories that maybe proved it was true etc it got so much worse. Eventually my mom took me to the doc because I had “anxiety” and I sat in the doctors office thinking I was a P. The more you feed into the ocd the more you can’t figure out what is real and not real. My best advice for you: Try to stop ruminating. The intrusive thoughts “what if” can come in but tell ocd oh yeah maybe I did do that maybe I didn’t but I’m choosing to accept the uncertainty. The best thing that has helped me is to think “confidence over certainty” I’m not certain I didn’t touch that child because certainty is never attainable and especially as a ocd sufferer, but I’m confident that I would have the moral code to 1/ not do that 2/ just “forget” and move on I’ve came a long way and medication has helped a ton.. currently in therapy and learning how to combat the rumination and intrusive thoughts (about false memory) and it is helping... hope you can recover
- Date posted
- 6y
Also practice compassion and be kind to yourself
- Date posted
- 6y
I am going through this right now. A few weeks ago I wanted to kill myself because of this, I know exactly what you feel. I have improved a lot since then, a way to go but I have a bit of hope now.
- Date posted
- 6y
I was like that a few months ago, I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s horrible I am trying ACT, it’s accepting that its my False Memory OCD. It’s been working very well for me. I have a ‘mantra’ that I repeat every time I have the thought.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m glad you are doing better Lewis
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you so much everyone for your kind words. I have had this type of OCD for 30 years and each time an intrusive thought has come up I have always felt this way and tried to get certainty to no avail. In the end these other thoughts which crippled me back then no longer do that. This thought just seems so scary as it is saying what if when I was asleep?! Daft I know! I know 100% that I would never do anything against my morals but this one seems to be twisting it. I know this never happened at all but the OCD makes it seem so real. If I wouldn't do something like that whilst awake why the hell would I when I was asleep?!!! It is just a crazy disorder and the anxiety this time round is the worse I have ever felt. I used to tell my Mum all my thoughts and can't now she isn't here. I have told friends who just think it is ridiculous which I know it is but it just won't leave my head alone. I do get some days where I can see it for what it is....the lying OCD but I need to be able to cling onto that. Last week I felt much better but like I say I got so upset about my Mum again it just takes me back to square one.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m so sorry about your mum girl any amount of stress can make ocd ten times worse. It can feel so very real. Are you in therapy?
- Date posted
- 6y
I am in therapy but over facetime. My counsellpr has known me for 10 years and knows me very well. I start to get over it but then i just get upset about my Mum again out of nowhere and it makes the thoughts seem real again. I feel sick all of the time and have lost weight. I have started to go jogging but today has been the worst day and I was in bed.....
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m so sorry. You sound like me when it started and my relapse. Food tasted awful and nothing seemed to be worth it. I promise it gets better with help. Is it an ocd specialist tho?
- Date posted
- 6y
He is an OCD specialist. We do theory a and b and erp. He is lovely. He has got me through all of the other OCD obsessions and they crippled me like this one is now. I know I will eventually look back at this obsession and realise how ridiculous it was. The other obsessions I have had have been truly awful compared to this mild one! It's just crazy how your mind creates all of these things in your head and won't leave you alone. I get so scared when I have OCD. X
- Date posted
- 6y
Lewis thank you for your help. What is your mantra? I haven't tried ACT. Perhaps I will ask my counsellor x
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes it’s pocd is the worst because it’s so scary and against our morals. It feels so scary but you can do it! You take away the rumination and response to it and once ocd, like a bully, recognizes it can’t win will back off until it fades away into the background
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you so much for replying to me today. It has meant such a lot. I know EXACTLY what I have to do to get the OCD to stop bullying me but this one for some reason is just so hard. Probably because everything that has happened over the last few years is now hitting me. I know when this one has gone that I hope I don't have as much stress as I have had 3 years ago......I lost my step dad friend and uncle in three months.......found out my husband was having an affair with a friend,I moved 4 times in the Space of 18 months . My divorce came through 3 weeks before my Mum died. I had to argue over the settlement whilst looking after my Mum. I had to sell my Mums house and empty it all out on my own as my brother wouldn't help. All he wanted was the money then tried to accuse me of holding money back. It was awful. I have a lot of my mum's things still as I can't bear to part with them. Even writing this is making me cry xx
- Date posted
- 6y
That’s not a problem! I’m happy to help. So my Mantra was advised by my Therapist and Ali Greymond (YouTuber I highly recommend) Every time the thought comes in my head “From this moment on, I am no longer going to pay attention to this thought. This is False memory OCD. I’m going to live my life and not deal with it anymore” It doesn’t matter if you believe it or not, you are making the choice not to believe it. Then after you say it, focus on something else. If it comes back a second later, repeat again. The less attention you pay the thought, the less you ruminate, the more you think “I can do this” - don’t fall into the trap of feeling a little better so it’s safe to go back and think/figure it out. Ali explains better in videos! :)
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you Lewis. I know about Ali Greymond and was going to book some sessions with her in fact. She explains false memory ocd exactly how it is. I do have her morning and evening affirmations and was doing them last week but haven't this week. I think I have done what you said not to do......when I feel slightly better I do go back and think about it to make sure !!! It's a never ending cycle at the moment. I am talking with my therapist tomorrow and I am going to get back on track no.matter how hard it feels. I know this obsession will go and I will feel silly but that's OCD for you. I have been bullied a lot of my life and I am not going to be bullied by this disorder.....Even writing this it is saying to me "well it isn't ocd is it?" It is such a wicked disorder. Xx
- Date posted
- 6y
Let me know how she is. I’ve been considering booking some sessions with her too. She understands it exactly! Do you notice how when you follow what she says it does get better. Then you get distracted or if you get tired later on in the day, or think it’s safe to go back and reassure yourself then it goes back to being worse right? OCD will make you think it’s not working, but it does. If you hear it say “well it isn’t OCD is it?” Repeat the mantra, move on, repeat etc
- Date posted
- 6y
You are so very right Lewis. When I follow what she says it gets easier and the mist clears but then you go back and check and reassure yourself like you said and it gets worse. I have to learn to say the mantra to myself. We will get over this lovely xx
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah, write it down. Keep it on you. Learn it, if we stick to it, it gets easier. Who knows what’s beyond that, let’s find out haha!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 17w
Any advice? I just got triggered by false memory OCD. There is no indicator or memory of me doing anything bad, only the what if. So how can I deal with uncertainty because if I did do the false memory it would go against my morals?? Not something extremely unforgivable just like not ideal and against my morals… I don’t know if it happened. I have no memory of my false memory happen only the “what if” which is enough to scare me FOR CONTEXT: I was in the mental hospital when I was 16, and made a few friends. Some just a grade below me, so 14-15. I remember bringing up in convo someone I met previously at the mental hospital earlier in that year a different time I was hospitalized , to which a boy responded he knew her, and they did (seggsual) stuff at their school. The girl I was talking about at that time was 14. So im assuming the boy was 14 as well. 13 and up is together in the hospital, so he couldn’t be younger than 13. I have no memories of him flirting with me or me flirting with him. Or anything bad happening. Literally just “what if”.. or what if he wasn’t 14 but 13 and u said something inappropriate or flirted with him. I will never be able to know what happened and I’m sick thinking about this. 13 and 16 is NOT WITHIN MY MORALS. I am worried because the only inappropriate I guess convo had is when he was telling me what happened between him and that girl I knew. I also remember him having a bulge down there and it freaked me out and made me feel weird at the time because I noticed it. (At this time I was already diagnosed with OCD and experienced POCD) I try to tell myself maybe maybe not. But the what if it did happen makes me feel like a p33do, and me thinking it didn’t happen doesn’t satisfy me because I don’t have 100 percent certainty
- Date posted
- 14w
Hello all, I’ve dealt with various OCD themes and compulsions for pretty much as long as I can remember. In some periods of my life the thoughts and compulsions have been particularly severe, but I’ve also had years where I’m able to keep it under control. This has made me worry I don’t actually have OCD, especially because I haven’t been doing consistent therapy and my therapists have gone back and forth on whether I have OCD. In the past few years, I’ve struggled immensely with false memory ocd, and right now I’m going through probably the most severe episode of my life. I love my boyfriend with all my heart. A few times that I’ve gone out drinking I’ve had the thought before “what if I lost control and cheated tonight” and it’s bothered me severely. Two times before, it’s gotten to the point of convincing myself that because I talked to a man that meant I had cheated on my boyfriend and just couldn’t remember. It has never turned out to be true. About a month ago, I went out with friends and had too much to drink. I was really ashamed of myself the next morning, particularly because I always try to drink cautiously now that I know it can trigger my anxiety. I am ashamed to admit I do not remember the very end of the night getting in my uber and going home. I woke up anxious and extremely worried and immediately started off by worrying if I could have tried to kiss my friend and not remembered. I called him and was immediately reassured nothing had happened, I simply drank too much and went home at the end of the night. I started feeling better, but then remembered a moment I had been in the bathroom. I remembered chatting with people in line about how long the line was, and then being in the bathroom on my phone. I then felt like I remembered people knocking and saying to myself “that wasn’t that long” and leaving. There is nothing concrete that I remember that in any way indicates I cheated, and in fact I have texts with my boyfriend from the whole night telling him I loved him. My friend told me that the only time I was ever apart from him was about 5 minutes and that when he came back I was in the same exact spot he left me in. However, when I remembered being in the bathroom, I thought to myself “what if you cheated on him in the bathroom”/ “oh my god did you cheat on him in the bathroom” and then a series of images of me performing sexual acts popped into my head. I’ve poured over my memory and truly do not remember meeting anyone, talking to anyone, or even finding anyone attractive that night, but the fact that I was drinking makes me worried I’m just forgetting and these images could be real. I’ve been constantly ruminating on these fears for the past month, to the point that the only relief I feel is when I’m able to fall asleep. I’m a law student and it’s becoming extremely difficult to keep up with my classes. I’ve been google searching, asked chat gpt for advice, confessed my fears to my boyfriend, asked for reassurance from pretty much everyone in my life, and even emailed the bar asking for security footage (which I know all sounds insane). I’m a naturally guilty person and feel bad about small things, so I really don’t think I would be capable of cheating and then nonchalantly texting my boyfriend, but these images feel so real that it’s terrifying. I’ve also seen a lot about how I would “just know” and that begins to scare me because then I think “you do just know, you did it” even though I really don’t think I did. I know these posts are not supposed to be for reassurance seeking, I’m just so exhausted and feeling really depressed. I’m wondering if anyone has experienced something similar and has any advice. I’m also wondering if images can feel more real the more you ruminate on them or if it’s a sign of memory. Thank you so much for listening.
- Date posted
- 9w
Hello 😭, so uhm I’m kind of in the point of my POCD where I’m just tired. I just need to get it all out and get some sort of instruction of how to just idk live? So for me my childhood is pretty blurry. I have a few real event blended with false memory events there but other than that I’m a csa victim. And the way I tried to cope? By fetishising nyself, making CP of myself, seeing my life goal as being used, raped and a prostitue. Self destructive behaviour through talking to pedophiles and seeing my only worth as if I was sexually attractive. Which made me kind of numb to CP as a coping mechanism I guess. And heres’s where my main event of REOCD/false memory ocd comes in. I have a few events in my life when I’ve accidentally stumbled across CP ish mangas or just plan abuse and not had a big reaction. Some of them I even liked the story. And my ocd LOVES playing with it, making me truly believe I enjoy and get of from CP. I’ve also had quite a few dreams. A few days ago I had a dream about me getting triggered by something I did in the dream. Which I now can’t figure out if it actually was a dream. But also moments overall where I’ve unintentionally touched my private part while my siblings are in the room or when I found a guy 2 years younger than me pretty in 4th grade. Or a few of my only friends who turned out to be younger than me, and I had talked about sexual things (like fan fictions, my trauma ect) with them. AHSHB I absolutely hate ruminating and I’m tired so so so so so so tried 😭 idk help me? Please TT
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