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Y e s. I find that any person, of any gender, tends to trigger me.
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Thank you! Gosh I hate this
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@Fruitsbasket Same here. š Hang in there, bud. Things get better. :)
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@OCDumb >:( Thank you š
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@Fruitsbasket Of course. SO-OCD is a bully. :(
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@OCDumb >:( Yeah I like totally broke down about it today. It feels so real and that Iām just in denial. Or like Iām the exception. Iāve only been dealing with this for 2 months but it feels like itās been forever. It wasnāt this bad until I started doing ERP. I was avoiding a lot so things were so much easier. But now that Iām being triggered so much Iām just having even more thoughts and images and now I feel confused. Idk itās just crazy how much of a roller coaster this is. Because I know some days are better than others but idk if Iāll ever truly get over it because of how much it has mentally and physically affected me.
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@Fruitsbasket Ugh, I feel. Iām going into my eighth month in the next few weeks, and while Iāve drastically improved, I still have a long way to go. It definitely feels like itāll last an eternity.
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@OCDumb >:( Iām glad youāve improved!!! I hope it continues to šāØ
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@Fruitsbasket You as well. I know what the worst days of this are like, and I can assure that itās not like this forever. Stay strong š
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@OCDumb >:( Thank you!!! š
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@OCDumb >:( Did you ever go through a phase where you actually felt like you were gay and just in denial?
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@Fruitsbasket Yeeeeeeep. The worst.
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@OCDumb >:( Have you gotten past that?
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@Fruitsbasket Sort of? Not fully. But itās better.
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@OCDumb >:( Iām glad itās better!!!
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@Fruitsbasket I hope it gets better for you too :)
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you are defs right about that. But it does get easier, I can sit through the thoughts without fighting them. I just hate when itās on repeat subconsciously. I know !! I hated myself for having these thoughts like why me š© I donāt understand and itās not fair.
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Yeah exactly š do you still feel confused?
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yes any women, before I could even see them. Thatās what made me avoid going places
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Did you ever get groinal responses or ever have images come into your head?
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yeah even when I was just scrolling on newsfeed, before I could even see their faces mental images of females that I have seen during the day you ?
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Yeah boobs is unfortunately a mental image that will randomly come to my head during the day. Especially when I see a woman and sometimes Iāll get groinal responses. I think thatās what honestly made me spiral
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I know what you mean ! my brain repeats stuff over and over. But sometimes I get the responses from nothing so idk
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Yeah itās definitely confusing š but we can get through it!!!
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@Fruitsbasket yes I believe that we can, itās easier said than done but we just have to be patient and keep trying š
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are you better at how you react to them ?
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Right now I am but literally just this morning I was panicking bad. Too many thoughts and worries. Itās hard to get use to the thoughts and be okay with them (or accept them). Like it just makes me feel like there is something wrong with me
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I donāt think I was ever confused, I was just confused as to why I was having these thoughts when I know what I want and who I want to be with. It sucks !!
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Ohhhh okay that definitely makes sense! I feel kind of confused. Some days are better than others and vise versa. Like for me, itās hard to get passed that the thoughts and images and mostly the groinal responses donāt mean anything. Itās only been 2 months though so hopefully things will get better :)
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yeah I know what you mean š© same for me as well, itās hard to forgive myself
Related posts
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- 23w
I went out last night with a couple of girlfriends. One of them is contemplating divorcing her husband bc of a drinking problem (she is straight) and made a joke about running off and joining the ālesbian islandā. She then continues to say āmaking out with a girl is one thingā but that she could never actually BE with a woman sexually, etc. Well⦠this has triggered my SO OCD significantly because Iām thinking, well why does she think itās okay to just kiss/make-out if she doesnāt identity as bisexual? I mean she is beautiful and Iāve heard all my straight friends say the same thing. So I start to worry by thinking, well I find her very attractive - does that mean I want to make out with her and see what sheās talking about? Just to note, I also identify as straight and am married. So this is just so damn frustrating and confusing. Especially bc society shows women kissing all the time on reality tv shows etc (who present themselves as straight). So now Iām having intrusive thoughts and making myself think sexual things to ācheckā if Iām still straight. Ughh..any advice would be greatly appreciated. And if someone could please explain why a straight woman would make such a comment - that would be very helpful.
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- 19w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I donāt want, and then tries to convince me that I do. Itās painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I donāt want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but Iām terrified that one day Iāll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. Iāve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that Iām "bisexual." Iāve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge meātelling me, āYou donāt even know what love feels like.ā It wonāt shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that Iām a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
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- 12w
I never read someone talk about this so I wanted to know if it applies to anyone as well. For context: I deal with ROCD and SOCD but I do identify as straight and am in a (happy) relationship with a man. What often triggers me is memories about childhood and adolescences about having the groinal toward nudity in porn or music videos. Because I canāt deny having watched other things than straight porn and experimenting with porn I simply canāt stop trying to figure out what that might have meant and if i deep down have actually a other sexual orientation than the one that I feel comfortable identifying with. I only hear people talking about random triggers but never the REAL memory of arousal to pornography and so on.
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