sometimes i cant tell if what’s going on is an intrusive thought or my inner racist. it’s hard as a poc bc being anti racist is such an integral part of my being that i can’t tell if i’m just fighting a racist part of myself or an intrusive thought bc either way i didn’t like what i was thinking but i can see why my mind chose that yk?

Elizabeth D.

Date posted: 4y

I’ve worked a lot with Internal Family Systems - a modality that is NOT specifically for OCD. It teaches that all of our parts matter and have a reason for what they do. I wonder if it might help to consider that your inner racist is a part of you that has a perspective and a reason for how they feel, even if it’s not aligned with your other parts or overall stance. Parts can have so many reasons for believing what they do - like beliefs being passed down from an ancestor or maybe they had a particular experience that led them to believe what they do. At the end of the day, I find it so helpful to befriend all of my parts as best I can. Oftentimes our natural inclination is to push them away or shame them instead of being curious about what’s going on with them.

Xxara

Date posted: 4y

oh i agree! again im a person of colour and i can even notice prejudices i have or preconceived notions i have within myself towards ppl of my own ethnicity/group. i find it interesting bc i know exactly where the thought or idea would stem from and why it’s harmful to both the groups involved and society as a whole. i’ve done a lot of research on anti racism etc., but i find i still struggle with parts of myself that i don’t like that bring up those sorts of thoughts and i’m like no i don’t like that thought or where it comes from, so reading what you wrote was pretty helpful! i appreciate it! it comes from a mixture of ocd and what you’re talking about i believe

Elizabeth D.

Date posted: 4y

Parts are usually relieved when you pay attention to them, so that might help you determine whether it’s a part or an intrusive thought.

Elizabeth D.

Date posted: 4y

@Xxara I’m glad you found it helpful! So much of my healing has come from learning how to work with and understand and offer relief to my parts. You might really like to check out Internal Family Systems. There are lots of books and many therapists offer it.

Xxara

Date posted: 4y

@Elizabeth D. i actually searched it up right after this and i’m starting to read about it now, it’s so interesting! i’ve never really thought of my mind in that aspect so it’s incredibly interesting to see all the different parts and the way they function and are interpreted yk?

OCDSucks21

Date posted: 4y

I’ve had the same experience. Until my OCD started, I never really noticed any sort of racist thoughts, but now a lot of times my brain almost seems to trick me into thinking them.

Xxara

Date posted: 4y

mhm! your brain likes to pick at things you know that you wouldn’t agree with or don’t currently agree with as an attempt to bother you, it’s super frustrating i agree

Xxara

Date posted: 4y

i very clearly was unhappy that i thought that so it doesn’t make me a certified racist bc i know i would’ve never made that connection or thought if not for my hypervigillance that comes with ocd but it’s so fucking annoying

Elizabeth D.

Date posted: 4y

Another thought is that you might be healing racism for the collective by healing the parts of you that hold it that are within yourself in addition to the work you are doing as an activist.

Xxara

Date posted: 4y

i like that idea! again racism and understanding all its facets and how to go against it are something i hold incredibly near and dear to my heart so viewing myself as parts is really cool it helps organize a lot of my mind

Elizabeth D.

Date posted: 4y

@Xxara Awesome! Honestly, I think that healing and loving our parts is how we heal the world.

Elizabeth D.

Date posted: 4y

@Elizabeth D. Or at least one way :)

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 23w

I feel lost

I honestly can’t tell when thoughts are being affected by OCD. Sometimes I think I have what I think are normal “grey” thoughts, but then OCD adds so much weight to them and I spiral. I had this thought that I wished my boyfriend was more confident or independent. I felt so guilty for thinking it. I told him, and of course it hurt him. He told me it’s a normal thought to have, I just dwell on it too much. And that it’s the kind of thought most people keep to themselves. That’s the thing. I don’t know what’s okay to keep to myself and what isn’t. I think sometimes I say things out loud not just to relieve anxiety, but because I genuinely don’t know what’s okay to think or say. I do not know the line between a normal grey thought and something that’s “bad” to think. I don’t know how to tell if it’s something I should process privately or something I need to be ashamed of. I get this confusion with intrusive thoughts too, but those are easier to spot and evaluate. This is harder, because again, it is *my* thought. That makes it harder to sit with. Maybe the intrusive part is the voice that questions what kind of person I am for even thinking it. I don’t have the same telltale signs anymore. My physical anxiety isn’t there anymore, it’s all in my head and that makes it so much more confusing. But I don’t know. The line between honesty vs compulsion is so blurry. I just feel lost

me.vs.ocd

Date posted: 19w

what do your intrusive thoughts feel like?

for me, it's like there's two folders of my thoughts, 'main thoughts' and 'sub thoughts' and it's like a background voice of my background voice, you know? like so quiet and irrelevant but it's still here and i can try to ignore it but not fully and it feels like it's just really nasty, like it's warring with me, never shuts up and just keeps nagging me with those thoughts

God’s Love

Date posted: 16w

Question

Please how can an intrusive thought be distinguished from our own thoughts ?

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