my race ocd and POCD are really trying to fight for relevancy in my brain rn. this is going well. and both are about thoughts that i can’t remember. what a joy 😭

Ruminating only makes ocd stronger. The more you ruminate, the more your ocd brain will keep sending you ocd thoughts. Remember that your ocd thoughts are ego dystonic - which means that they are the exact opposite of something that you would do. It's just ocd messing with you

Do you have access to an OCD therapist? What you are describing sounds like OCD to me, but a good therapist would be the best person to check with. Once you know for sure what the problem is, you can fix it