it’s annoying bc before this ocd episode i barely questioned half of this shit, like i never questioned any of this before bc i knew that i obviously had no attraction to certain things, so if i felt a little sensation in my groin it didn’t mean anything bc i don’t find myself aroused by this. it’s just my body doing things but brain isn’t into it. but now suddenly everything is under this microscope and i have to solve it and understand bc it has to mean something and everything is proof that i’m an awful person and to let go of that in my mind is to accept being a bad person and i can’t do that bc i don’t want to be yk? ruminating is the only way i can prove to myself that i am a good person or one deserving of care