In order to understand if this is ROCD or simple out of love shall I stay close or far from my partner?

So I haven’t been diagnosed with ROCD but I’ve kinda self-diagnosed myself because of my repeated thought patterns and my way to escape them by searching for answers online (“signs I love her” or taking “do I love her or am I attached/codependent” quizzes) and asking loved ones how they knew they were in love. But recently I started to question this symptom of ROCD, wouldn’t someone in denial about loosing feelings for their partner do the same thing? (try to look for reasons that they do love their partner) I started to feel emotionless and apathy for my partner around the 3 month mark but as we grew closer and had real and emotional talks I started to regain my feelings. But sometimes when we are cuddling i’ll get this sudden emotionless feeling and it gives me anxiety. (It also scares me to think this started at the 3 month mark due to the 3 month rule phenomenon I see on social media) Our relationship has always been soo healthy, I really love my girlfriend and I know it but Im not to sure if i’m actually “IN LOVE.” I sometimes get intrusive thoughts about her looks and feel like im in love with her physical potential rather than how she looks now and that feels so wrong but don’t get me wrong either I still still think she’s beautiful regardless of how she looks. I love everything else about her like her personality, kindness, generosity, and loyalty. She’s my first girlfriend so I don’t know how to distinguish between loving someone and being in love with someone. I also don’t know how to or how it feels to move on from someone after so many emotional/special moments with them and the thought about starting a new relationship makes me feel uncomfortable and is just something I don’t want, hence the feeling that I might just be attached/codependent. I feel so uncomfortable when thinking that if we break up I might never see her again and we’ll never get to rejoice in sharing these emotional, special, and beautiful moments. I want it to be her that I spend the rest of my life with so badly but I feel like my mind is stopping me from picturing a future of us together even though that’s what I really want. (writing this sentence^ I got the intrusive thought of “are you sure that’s what you really want” and now i’m questioning myself) I also can’t help but feel this intense anxiousness in my chest and an inner gut feeling/voice telling me to break up with her without any reason other than because I have a strong feeling she isn’t the one. I haven’t acted on this feeling because In the case that I do have ROCD I know this gut feeling/intuition cannot be trusted. I also read, in the case that I do have ROCD the way to treat it is to endure the anxiety and face uncertainty but I feel like there is no uncertainty about my relationship. I feel 100% safe with her and that she won’t cheat on me, so why do i feel like this!!! I don’t want to endure this anxiety forever, I’m so confused! I’m currently looking for therapy to help decipher my feelings correctly and see if I’m experiencing ROCD. But according to what i’ve explained.. Is this ROCD or DENIAL about losing feelings?

So I have intense relationship doubts about if I’m really in love or just attached to the security and companionship my partner brings. It started with knit-picking the way she jokes/talks about me and like sometimes i didn’t like how she looked in her glasses, then It was fantasizing about other woman thinking i must not be in love if I do that, then it was the fact that we couldn’t have deep talks without it being over an argument. If i truly loved her I wouldn’t be knit-picking her, I wouldn’t fantasize about other woman, I wouldn’t feel like we have something missing like having deep talks but then again I feel so much affection and care for her and what I assume is LOVE. So what is it?!? When I found out about ROCD i was quick to self diagnosed. I felt like that’s what I could have and for me my compulsions would be: searching up am I in love or attached quizzes, or searching up signs i’m truly in love. But although these compulsions provided relief for a bit, I always had a small voice/feeling/intuition telling me this isn’t right and I’m denying myself the truth which was that I’m not actually in love and just looking for a reason to justify staying in this relationship without feeling the guilt that I don’t really love her and just love her presence. We have broken up about 5 times but each time I run back to her within 24 hrs because I miss being with her and feel so sad to cause us both emotional pain. Is this ROCD or just attachment to the relationship and having her be mine.

Would i know if i am losing feelings for my partner? How would i know? I feel disconnected and irritated by him recently and its scaring me that ive lost feelings and just dont want to leave because i am comfortable