I was doing so good for like a month and now I’m back to stressing again. It started with groinals. At first I brushed them off because I was happy at the time and didn’t want to deal with it. Now I’m stressing about them and other things. I saw a tik tok about a girl coming out after being married and having a child and I’m scared that’ll be me. Im scared that I’ll never be satisfied in a relationship with a man even though that’s all I want. It might be heteronormativity but I’ve tried to think about women like that and being Intimate with them like that but I just genuinely do not feel that way. I’ve thought about having connections to women the way I have men and I’ve never had connections or wanted connections like that with women. And even though I feel this way it doesn’t change the way my brain thinks. Literally any doubt that I’ve had or any thought, it uses it as proof and I hate it. I’m so scared of never being happy in a relationship. I’m so scared to try to have a relationship, I’ve never had one, because maybe I’ll hate it. I’m just so scared. Terrified even. I hate all this and I can’t even talk to anyone about it so I’m just suffering silently. I wish I could be like everyone else and just know what I want. At this point I don’t know anything about myself just that I’m alive. I just want to be alone for the rest of my life because it’s easier then actually knowing what I want.

Sexual Orientation OCD

alex.123

Date posted: 4y

You sound exactly how I am right now and it’s so exhausting, I wish I had an instant cure.

LilB

Date posted: 4y

It’s real tough.

bens

Date posted: 4y

I hate myself sometimes, like why is my brain trying to destroy me like that

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

I’m working on not hating myself. I find it makes life and relationships way harder. Show yourself some compassion. My therapist sent me a quote that said “we are wired for struggle, but we are worthy of love and belonging”

Date posted: 4y

EXACTLY ME AS WELL

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

My ocd is telling me to be alone too. Before I had ocd I knew I wanted my boyfriend was who I wanted to marry and be with forever. I never doubted anything. Now it’s all I do and I hate it. My ocd tells me to break up with him and that everything would just be easier if I was alone forever. But this is a LIE. Being alone forever is far more depressing. We weren’t created to be alone. You just have to keep yourself uncertain, that’s the key! “Maybe I’m attracted to the same sex, but also maybe I’m not. Because of my ocd I’ll never figure that out and that’s ok, it doesn’t matter. Loving someone is always a choice. I can love someone even if my ocd tells me I can’t. I’m stronger than this, I’m done feeding it and giving it power. These are all just thoughts that really don’t mean anything. They only mean something right now because I’m giving it meaning and power but thinking about it so much. I’m uncertain about this and that’s ok, that’s where I need to be”

LilB

Date posted: 4y

Such a powerful message! I’ve never dated a boy and I’m 17 and I think that is probably one of my biggest triggers. I’m glad that you have someone like your boyfriend to give you hope. I do have a big crush on a guy right now but I’m terrified that I’m faking it and I won’t actually enjoy a relationship with him. But I’m holding on to faith and I know that that is what makes me happy and comfortable so hopefully I will see that one day and stop doubting myself.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@Hopeforall I’m 20! Thanks for your kind words. That’s so happy that you have a crush on him, crushes are exciting!! Don’t listen to your ocd and go for it is what I would say! You deserve happiness.

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