(This is going to be long but I just need someone atm) Hey guys I’m not sure where to put that as my therapy has been paused for a couple months as something came up in her life. I’m not 100% diagnosed with ocd but I may have some form. This is more of some advice that I’m asking and I’d appreciate some help. Me and my gf met roughly 8 months ago and everything is was perfect until around the 4-5 month mark. I’d have issues trying to figure out if I loved her or not. I knew morally I did and through my actions but mentally how does one know they love someone. I have a bad time with understanding emotions. I have no idea what love feels like and it gets frustrating when people tell me to take some time to myself and I’ll figure that and well that still won’t help. Me And my gf decided to break up and in a week we will asses our feelings and see what to do. My issue is I miss her when she not around but when we are together I just want to be alone. I miss the freedom of being single. I even caught myself interested in girls that I don’t even like at all And were def not pretty. I felt bored. I felt like the only times I loved her was when there was an issue and she ignored me. Ik it sounds crazy. Trust me I deal with it all day. Ik I love her because I just cried for 15 min today over the fact that she’s so perfect and treated me so well and she’s very pretty. I feel really sick because I’m so confused at what all this means and I don’t want to hurt her. This has been in my head for months and it’s driving me insane. Even simple questions like “do u see her In your future and is this the type of girl you want to marry” are super hard for to decided. Like how do I know that I want to spend my life with her or do I like her. This is so confusing and I feel awful.

Relationship OCD

k-low

Date posted: 4y

Hmn. I don't think you have to feel anything. There is no fixed way how love is supposed to feel. I myself have rocd, and I can relate to the fear. But there is no point im chasing a feeling. Love isn't supposed to feel a certain way. I know I love my partner bc I enjoy spending time with him and he makes me happy. But there are moments where he just feels like I friend and I don't feel in love and that's perfectly fine and normal. I think it's a very modern idea that love is supposed to feel or be a certain way. I think if u don't like spending time ever or seing the person ever that's a different matter. I mean would it really hurt you if you didn't care? I don't think so. When I have my doubting episodes I wonder every second how I feel about him, I Analyse everyhting and it does feel real. It's scary and it hurts me every time, like hell. But trying to figure out what love is supposed to feel like won't get you anywhere I think. And maybe go back to why you started dating in the first place. There was a reason? I hope this is helpful

Marrkk18

Date posted: 4y

Ty you so much I needed this

Marrkk18

Date posted: 4y

I also wanna ask one more thing that I forgot to mention. Why is it that if we spend a couple days apart I miss her but as soon as we meet it’s like all those feelings are gone. I don’t think this is related to ocd and much more deeper then that. I’m not too sure but it happens a lot and it makes me not look forward to seeing her anymore since Ik ima feel like this

k-low

Date posted: 4y

@Marrkk18 Hmnn I don't really know. Maybe your ocd spikes when you see her? And then you feel worse and that's why you don't like seeing her, bc your thoughts spike? I don't know if this is relatable. But my partner and I broke up for a few days when I was at my worst and I didn't know it was ocd. I felt better when we weren't together anymore, but that was because I didn't have to face that fear of not knowing anymore. OCD makes you look for feelings and chase them, and when you see her you probably do it even more. And as I've learned- the more I look for feelings the less I can access them, because the anxiety overpowers everyhting. Why don't you try a therapist from noocd? They can help you with it 😊

k-low

Date posted: 4y

I understand where you're coming from. But you don't have to know yet what's going to happen in the future. Things will or will not happen. Some people may think they will marry but end up splitting and the other way around. I think if you enjoy your time together then that shows she means something to you. Everyhting isnt important wo worry about. And it's totally normal to find other people attractive and even have doubts sometimes :)

Marrkk18

Date posted: 4y

Ty it’s kissy it hurts so bad ya know. Ik you not suppose to give reinsurance but I genuilly don’t know what love is suppose to feel like as I have nothing to base it off of. I’m just tired of hearing “only you can decide” but I can’t decide because in order to decide I have to know what I feel lol. It makes no sense and I currently just don’t have any way of starting. I have no idea what to do or where to go

k-low

Date posted: 4y

Great that it helped 😊

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