- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I literally feel the same way. With all of my recent OCD themes, life's become literal hell. My family just isn't supportive at all and calls bullsh*t on it. Every. Damn. Time. It'd be good if I could get help but they just say I am making excuses. I fear that if I do tell them to the extent at which I am suffering or I tell a doctor that they will get infuriated w me (they have before when I pointed out my depression problem to a doctor and had to get a test for it) and kick me out or take the things that actually help me get through a day.
- Date posted
- 4y
I completely understand that. Its so hard when people are telling you what you’re doing is bullshit like it doesn’t matter because ocd is a literally hell. Living in it everyday, having to do things to reduce the anxiousness is so draining. Because we both fear being kicked out now that’s another thing that adds to the anxiousness. I’ve been told that I’m selfish and I only care about myself because I’m still struggling. I just find it messed up when the people that are meant to help you say such horrible stuff to you. I want you to know though that what you are going through isn’t bullshit and I do support you even thought you don’t know me. This mental illness makes you feel extremely alone even when you’re supposed to have people there to support you but they don’t and are fed up with you. I understand and I’m supportive of you and I know what you’re going through.
- Date posted
- 4y
@ashh22 Thank you, that means a lot. It honestly makes me question if they are my family. They never really cared about my mental health, I mean my father's side because my mother's side is out of the question. It seems the majority of the rest of my family really only care about my achievements and stuff. They feel that I am gifted because I can be talented in drawing and school but it took me hard work and practice. If it is other things that I like it is like, "You should learn to do ___ better", "Mmm, no", etc. If they feel as if I am "too special" and "too lucky" to struggle w something ig. My dad is probably the one who cares the most but he doesn't seem to care how I am mentally struggling though.
- Date posted
- 4y
@ashh22 This is a really draining disorder and I just feel out of it and numb all the time. I wish you luck in getting better ^^
- Date posted
- 4y
@🌺Dem🌺 Of course honestly just to know someone knows what you’re going through and is there for you helps. Yeah I’ve feel the same way because if they are your family and they care about you they wouldn’t be unsupportive and make these comments. So do you like think nothing is ever enough for them? Like is that what you feel when they say those things to you? There’s a difference between a comment like “oh if you really like this you should continue learning it or keep working at it” and a comment saying “you should do this” and feeling like nothing is ever enough for them if that makes sense. I’m really sorry no one in your family sees how much you are struggling, I honestly am. Yes yes it is very very draining. I feel the same way, out of it and numb I get that. And thank you so much I wish the best for you as well in getting better. If you need to talk or anything I am always here.
- Date posted
- 4y
@ashh22 Oh, thank you. Yeah they just sound heavily unsupportive of my struggle. It does kind of hurt. Knowing somebody wants to help makes me feel a bit better about it though.
- Date posted
- 4y
@ashh22 They just keep saying I am making excuses and that, "oh, you need to learn how to do ___ better" as if they'd be able to do ___ any better
- Date posted
- 4y
@🌺Dem🌺 Yeah that makes it 10x harder I’m so sorry they don’t see it or support you. Of course it hurts, they are your family they are the ones who are supposed to support you and care about you and it really hurts and sucks when that’s not the case. I hope it does because honestly I do really care, I might not know you personally but we are dealing with the same thing and it’s hard when you feel alone. I always hear that too that I’m making excuses and exactly they say these comments but have no clue what it actually is like to deal with this. There is this artist named NF I’m not sure if you’ve heard of him before, he’s a rapper and he deals with OCD as well and his songs are amazing and have helped me feel less like I’m alone. If you like that type of music you should check him out.
- Date posted
- 4y
@ashh22 Yeah, they just don't feel like family anymore, honestly... I have heard of NF, his music is pretty good and pretty darn relatable. Anyway, thank you ^^
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
This is ruining every part of my life. The carpet on my staircase is old and pretty dirty, and there's dried mud on it. There's brown bits, which I'm convinced is cat poop and there's a good chance it could be because there have been multiple times my cat has had it stuck to her after going in the litter tray. It's impossible to clean so I don't try, and my parents don't probably because they don't see it's dirty and because it's such an old worn out thing anyway. So I wear slippers everywhere except my bedroom. Only, the other day I stepped somewhere contaminated in socks and then put my slippers back on, so now they're contaminated on the inside which defeats the whole point. So now, if I want to get into bed, I have to take my slippers off outside my door, and my socks, and I have to put new socks on, but if I do that I have to wash my hands again. Which means going to the bathroom. Which means putting the slippers on. Which means I'm contaminated again. I feel so sick and I want to cry. There are so many not hygienic things in my house, and it makes living with this so much harder. I tell myself that what I'm going through are compulsions and intrusive thoughts and obsessions but how can that be true if there's a very real chance the brown on my staircase is cat poop? How can it be true when it's my own fault because I'm too lazy to clean it and I'm too lazy to try fixing the issue when there are so many things stopping me and there are so many things not hygienic about the house. I want to cry, it's too much. I can't tell myself I'm being irrational when I'm being rational. I just can't keep doing this. I want to lay in bed until I feel better but I never feel better. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow about my ocd symptoms and thoughts but what am I meant to say? My house is a state and covered in mud on the carpet, and it sends me into multiple mental breakdowns a week? A day? Surely that's not ocd but instead is perfectly rational? I can't cope with any of this anymore, I want so badly to live in hygiene and cleanliness. It doesn't matter how hard I try, I'm never clean. I will never be clean. And I keep trying to tell myself that even if it's cat poop, it's not the end of the world. But I feel so ashamed. I feel dirty. I just want all of this to stop being so difficult.
- Date posted
- 20w
(long read ahead, sorry lol) I’ve struggled with ocd for as far back as I can remember. I find that it gets worse with stress, and recently I’ve really been struggling with the contamination aspect of my ocd. I’m worried about it becoming unmanageable and negatively affecting my relationship with my partner. I’ve been living with my boyfriend since January (got kicked out of my house a week after I turned 18, it’s for the better though my house is toxic as hell) and I love living with him, but him and his family aren’t as concerned with cleaning as I am used to. My boyfriend and I have been together going on 2 years and there’s been many times throughout our relationship that his struggle with depression severely impacted his ability to keep up with cleaning his room. This is something I completely understand because I’ve struggled with it too so i’ve often helped him clean, and since i’ve moved in he’s done so much better at keeping up with cleaning (especially because he knows about my issues with clutter, mess, germs, etc.) He is really good at being accommodating towards my needs (not overly so, i’m aware that recovering includes accepting being uncomfortable), but it’s so hard for me to differentiate between what is the normal standard for cleanliness and hygiene and what’s excessive and unhealthy. I get so stressed out every single day over the thought of how dirty everything is. He has 3 cats that mainly stay in his room (he has a catio attached to his window/side of the house) and dogs which stay on the opposite side of the house and backyard, so there is fur everywhere constantly (i’m also allergic to cats but it’s not severe). I can’t stop thinking about how they are getting germs from their litter box all over everything. They also used to piss under his bed and in his closet when his room used to be a mess and it’s soaked into the floor so no matter what it stinks. It’s so hard to bring myself to walk around the house without slippers because my feet will get visibly dirty and my socks would get covered in hair. I always think about how my boyfriend sometimes walks on the rugs in the bathroom in shoes and all the germs that spreads. There’s so many more things but this is already getting long and I am shaking just thinking about how unclean everything is. I want to deep clean the entire house myself so I can get it to where It’s not like psychological torture everyday and it’s easier to maintain but I have been so busy I don’t have the time. I am worried about my boyfriend thinking I don’t like living with him or that I think that’s he’s dirty but i don’t. We have had several conversations about this and he’s reassured me that he knows none of my obsessive thoughts are personal but I still feel so bad about it. I would like to get therapy to help work through this but currently that is not an option for me. I know things will get better once I get through the main things in my life that are causing a lot of stress and therefore making my ocd flair up, but I need advice on what to do in the mean time. I keep having moments where all I can do is shake and cry and clean and I feel bad for my poor boyfriend who can only sit next to me and try to comfort me or help me clean. I also don’t want to make him worried that nothing he does is enough for me (i’ve also already talked to him about this and told him about how I can never even be clean enough for myself and that I don’t think he’s dirty). There’s been many times where I want to tell him to do things that I think might be my own unhealthy compulsions (ex. not wearing shoes in the house or in our room, not getting into bed with socks on, making sure to completely dry off before getting out the shower, put makeup and jewelry back where they belong right after using them, etc.) but i can’t tell if they’re reasonable or not and i try to not tell him unless it’s something that severely distresses me. I’m aware that everything is going to have germs no matter what and have been using NER’s to help manage my thought spirals/rumination. I know that I shouldn’t keep doing compulsions because it just offers temporary relief and makes the problem worse because nothing will ever be enough. I just feeling so overwhelmed and hopeless and exhausted and want some feedback.
- Date posted
- 18w
sorry this is super long i just wanna know if anyone else has been thru something similar bc i feel super alone 🩷 i have super bad contamination ocd. it was bad already but my house was like my safe space until a few months ago someone brought something into my house that i considered ‘contaminated’. and so then i felt like that part of the house was contaminated, then it spread to everything outside my room (since family is moving around touching stuff) and then somehow i got convinced everything in my room except my bed is contaminated and i need to wash my hands after touching it. in my mind its like the contamination just infinitely spreads to things after the tiniest bit of touch. idek what im afraid of anymore or even what the original thing was but i can’t let it go. when i have to wash off contamination i have to wash at least 4 times or until it feels right, or sometimes take rlly long showers and wipe down all my stuff. i even throw away food and clothes or just whole items sometimes because they feel so contaminated i don’t want them in my space. i can’t be super near people or have anyone touch me, and i also can’t bring anything new into my room since it had to go through the entry of my house which feels contaminated. i feel like all i do is lay in bed and then wash my hands and do compulsions so i can go eat or do other stuff around the house. also i never go out because i’m bc people outside make me feel dirty, and i hate thinking about how many people have touched stuff in stores or in public and stuff. so im just in my room worrying all day. i feel so trapped and the contamination/avoiding it is all i think about anymore i barely have time for anything else and im never present when i talk to people because im worrying about if i accidentally got contaminated. im starting erp next week and knowing that im going to have to expose myself to things is really freaking me out. does anyone else have this kind of ocd ? im exhaustedddd 🥲🥲💔
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