To those who have somewhat managed to stay on top of their so ocd, or have been doing well lately... how do you cope with the trauma of what you've been through? Here's some context: I haven't been on the app in about a month because I've been doing well, even able to watch films with attractive women and not be triggered. But, I now get anxiety about the possibility of being triggered cos I know what's coming for me if I do get triggered. I've tried to sit with it, I've acknowledged its ocd and the trauma that comes with it, but it's not working and is leading to a panic state sometimes. Like I watched balls of fury with my bf and there was a slim attractive woman and they over sexualised her (as most films do). I was fine, but was so on high alert for triggers. Now, it's like if I relax my brain is going to start overthinking and creating scenarios around soocd that won't happen but that feel like a real possibility (when they're obviously not). It's linked to the trauma of it. It's also like when I look up to women that inspire me or are beautiful and make me want to look like that, the trauma creeps up on me.

How the hell do I tell this to my therapist?! So like I said about shape-sifting fictional characters like Pennywise sometimes when they’re male I get attracted to them by their charm for example bob gray aka Pennywise in It. Idk if you know the IT lore but IT the creature is supposed to be female or so they say but the clown bob gray is male. Which triggers my ocd cause I don’t want to be attracted to a female character now my intrusive thoughts is like oh I can’t handle it I wish I was dead like Georgie. I may have to get rid of everything I have that deals with this movie cause it triggered a thought I thought I would never have. I haven’t even watched the movie but when everyone started talking about it again cause a new series is coming up the thought just keeps coming back😭 SOS

I feel like after years of living in survival mode from various back to back traumas, I don’t know how to turn off my brain. It’s always in some sort of overstimulated cycle of overthinking, rumination, self checking, and seeking reassurance. I know there will be more peace after treatment. But just hating like I’m stuck in always feeling like I’m waiting for the next shoe to drop when so many shit things have happened to me early in life. How am I suppose to be excited about what’s next?

I can't look at 18+ videos, comics, etc. I am straight, but SO-OCD tries to make me think I am not And the thoughts turns to feelings, and makes me scared, uncomfortable, sad, because I know this is not me. And when I try to imagine myself being with the woman on adult videos, and comics, my OCD gives gronal response not at the girl, and it fills me with fear, and anxiety, I always loved, and was attracted to women but I can't and it caused me to be depressed, and I keep ruminating I keep trying to focus on her, but it's so bad that I avoid those all the time now. I am wondering has anyone gone through something like this, or currently is, and wondering how you have done to combat this!