Sorry if I haven't explained this well. Does anyone else with SO OCD have a trigger of women that are sexualised in films? At first I'm like freaking out cos my brain is like "she's sexy" (even though that's the point) and is like "straight girls don't find other women sexy" and have this intimidation thing where they feel like child or a boy (or less of a woman) around women like that. When I was younger I used to look up to pretty girls cos they were considered popular and cool and like you know hug them and hang out with them (like little girls do) but my brain is now like "you did that because you're bi, and you only want to be friends with pretty girls which isn't normal and makes you gay". Just wanted it to be said that I do NOT care about appearance. Only personality. I grew up that way and still am that way. I used to be aware of that I was the "ugly" friend growing up so I would try to improve myself to look like pretty girls and my ocd is playing off that and twisting it. I couldn't care less what people looked like, only whether they were a good person or not. Always has been that way for me. But like now, after my ocd started I have an issue with sexualised women and even not because of the intrusive thoughts, but just cos it makes me feel weird and anxious and idk if that's because of the trauma of ocd. Idk. Just want to see if others go through a similar thing??

I can't look at 18+ videos, comics, etc. I am straight, but SO-OCD tries to make me think I am not And the thoughts turns to feelings, and makes me scared, uncomfortable, sad, because I know this is not me. And when I try to imagine myself being with the woman on adult videos, and comics, my OCD gives gronal response not at the girl, and it fills me with fear, and anxiety, I always loved, and was attracted to women but I can't and it caused me to be depressed, and I keep ruminating I keep trying to focus on her, but it's so bad that I avoid those all the time now. I am wondering has anyone gone through something like this, or currently is, and wondering how you have done to combat this!

I have experienced every theme that can be added to post but I’m currently experiencing those. So I am on the spectrum and I happen to have a high sensory profile and it definitely gives the ocd more to latch unto. I would see a pretty female with makeup done and it eatssss and I would notice the facial symmetry + how her features compliment each other and my ocd would be like why did you notice she is pretty, BECAUSE I HAVE EYES😭! I can’t be the only neurodivergent person that notices details and how attractive people are intensely? I do not even care about orientation but I know for sure if I was into women, it won’t just start plaguing me one evening Im my head shouting “you are gay” like man Im a female at least say you are a lesbian 😭😂😂😂😂. How can I genuinely have no interest and get outrightly repulsed by females sexually and romantically. It feels like I am being forced to be something im not. I tried accepting i am lesbian but I experienced more anxiety and could not sleep till I accepted i am still straight and it is ocd playing with me(ocd leave me alone, I don’t even enjoy playing with you) I accepted i am a lesbian like ocd said I should but why do I still love my ex and hope I marry him😭 + I couldn’t bring myself to be interested in females. OCD leave me alone because I don’t enjoy this game again! I’m not homophobic at all but denouncing Im straight doesn’t feel like home and I still find myself yearning for only men

I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments