Just wondering if anyone else has this too.. i feel like i often admire other women and sometimes its quite intense (like role models and stuff or people i look up to or wish i could be more like them). Im terrified im secretly in love with them or that in the future it will happen again and then i’ll realise ive been gay all along even though i dont feel attracted to women (although my ocd says im in denial about that). Its killing me, im terrified. Im starting uni in a couple of weeks and im so so scared im going to end up crushing on another girl or something and also that i will never experience strong feelings towards a guy because im denial 😭 i feel like theres too much proof and im in denial and i feel like i cant get treatment for ocd because i probably dont have it because im just in denial or that i have ocd but i am also in denial or something. I know its so stupid, im just really stuck at this point.

girl I relate to every word

Im glad im not the only one but im sorry youre having to deal with this too. Its so scary. Hope youre okay ❤️

I have a friend that I really look up to , she’s like the “golden “ girl she’s so sweet and kind and I wish I could be like her but now I feel like I have a crush on her so I definitely relate.

Thanks for replying, im sorry youre going through this too. Its so hard. Feel like i just cant get out of bed these last few days and that its got to all be true :( its horrible. Hope youre okay ❤️

@Winter do u also feel like u can’t be attracted to men anymore? And then if u rlly tried it, u would like it with women? bc that’s my current thought and Im so scared. I thought all my life I was into men and had crushes when I was a kid. But what if it was comphet and all fake? Bc it rlly seems like this rn. Can u relate?

@Winter Likewise Winter ❤️stay strong

@strawberry ice cream Yeah ive had similar. I go through phases though about what i worry sbout most. Sometimes its that im faking liking men, sometimes its that ive secretly had crushes on women etc but its all just a big cycle and i never truly find an answer even though i think theres “too much proof” a lot of the time. Its hard but stay strong

@Winter yeah I get that too. Stay strong u too

I relate to every word you wrote and have read similar posts on here as well. What makes me obsess most is that when I was younger I think that I also felt butterflies sometimes when I was talking to a female role model or wishing to be their close friend. This worries me so much sometimes as my OCD makes me think that butterflies are the ultimate evidence of romantic and sexual desire. When I started dating my bf (12 years ago) I remember having butterflies and excitement as well but also uncertainty and some anxiety because I was not sure where it would lead. I obsess so much about the past and these first few months of our relationship and it makes me feel as if everything we achieved after that doesn't count anymore 😑

Hey, thanks for replying. Yeah i know exactly what you mean, same thing with celebrities too and now im convinced i had crushes on them too, especially if i thought they were pretty or wanted to be like them. I can imagine ocd latching onto your feelings around your bf. Stay strong though, its just attacking the things that are most important to you so dont let it win ❤️

@Winter Yeah it sucks because before OCD it was just a pleasant and enjoyable feeling to look up to or feel connected to someone I admired or felt inspired by without any romantic or sexual desires or thoughts and now it's like this was taken away from me because every time I think a female person is cool or nice I immediately worry about what that might mean 🤦‍♀️ It's getting better but I realize that I am always on my guard when I meet new people and especially women. I started a new job recently where a lot of women work and I worry that I am going to develop a crush on one of them 😑 but yeah, all we can do is be mindful about what our brain is doing to us, accept that we cannot and don't have to be really sure about these things and try to not let it affect our actual daily life too much 😑