“Negative reassurance-seeking”? Is that a thing? I don’t know that reassurance is something I seek because when I worry that I’ve done something immoral I tend to get angry with people who try to tell me what I want to hear, and only listen to people who will condemn me. I’m not diagnosed with OCD (yet) but this is one of the main things I have doubts about. Reassurance doesn’t ease me nearly as much as like... repenting and confirmation that I am bad.

At the beginning of this year, I experienced false memories for the first time about watching bad stuff online, which I have never done in my life. I then turned to hours upon hours of googling and researching about it and reading articles about it. I'd sometimes google the same articles or topics multiple times a day. I then also remembered that I watched a clip once from Big Mouth (not knowing they were teens at the time). I became so afraid that I was being watched by the authorities or my ISP simply for doing research that I impulsively deleted my Google activity and became extremely paranoid that I was a bad person and a criminal, even though I'd never ever had these types of thoughts before. Then felt bad afterwards because I was like omg what if i am bad because what if it seems like I'm trying to hide a crime. I just really hate myself rn. I know we shouldn't ask for reassurance, but I'm more just pondering this, does this make me a bad person? Is there anyone else who has experienced something similar? Does this mean I still have OCD? or am I truly just only worried about how other people see me? Even while typing this, I'm asking myself, what does this all mean.

I have terrible ocd. Lots of different subtypes but the one that bothers me most is religious ocd. The advice I've been given is to go to only one priest for confession (I'm Catholic) and to listen to his advice. I've been doing that lately and I'm actually taking his advice (like, for example, that if I committed a mortal sin, I'd know for sure.. When there's doubt about whether or not I've done smth wrong, it's likely not mortal and I can recieve communion). I've read that this is good advice for scrupulous ppl. So I'm finally taking his advice but it's so scary! My biggest fear is receiving the Eucharist in a state of mortal sin.. But I need to trust what the priest is telling me. Any other Catholics in this situation? I'm proud of myself for actually taking his advice but it's terrifying at the same time..What if I'm fooling myself and can't admit to myself that I actually did commit a mortal sin, but he sees it as doubt..like, I don't know if I'm doubting I've sinned or if I'm in denial about sinning.. If anyone knows what I mean..I also realize that full will needs to be involved in mortal sin and the presence of doubt is often a sign that even if I did sin, it wasn't fully willful so that's why it's not mortal.. But I'm still unsure and afraid. But that's probably cuz I have ocd and anxiety. Lol.. I'm just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation.. And if it gets easier to listen to your confessor's advice even though it's scary and not what your OCD wants.

Less than a year ago, I had a very big anxiety flare up to the point that I felt as though I needed to report to the police / harm myself. I ended up leaving an anonymous tip at the police hotline about something that I know I didn’t even do but everything told me I had to or else I will go to jail. And similarly after that I called the help line and explained I had unwanted intrusive thoughts and I didn’t think I deserved to live for having those thoughts. After these many months and working with my therapist, I’ve been able to feel a lot less anxious around this topic and now I’m getting lots of anxiety about what I did that time when I was so anxious. I gave in to my compulsions and confessed for stuff that I know sounds bad saying out loud but only certain people will understand I would never do. So now I’m just looking for someone to relate and perhaps let me know that I don’t have anything to worry about? I know it’s bad to seek reassurance but I’m not sure where to go. And I’m worried I’m going to keep incriminating myself.