I had a dream where this girl I met was like kissing my neck and stuff, and I liked it... But I'm really really confused bc I thought it was a boy for the first bit?.. I think, idrk... But after I knew it was a girl, I felt anxiety fill my mind but it still wasn't bad... I really am starting to think I'm bi with a male pref.... I don't wanna be tho.

Last night I took my meds to help me sleep and I kept waking up throughout the night with thoughts like “I’m really a lesbian now” or “I’m ok with it now, this is what I prefer”. I really feel like everyday for a couple of days now, I’ve woken up feeling more and more like my preferences have completely changed. The first few days was major anxiety, panic attacks, then I had a really bad double-bind and reversal spiral, and I became a little bit calmer since then. Now I feel like I’m managing the thoughts without anxiety or panic like I’m used to, but now it feels like I really want them and that I’m ok with it. Like I don’t care anymore. But the thing is, in between all of the mini spiral episodes I’ve had, I had these little moments of clarity like “I’m not giving up on my fantasies of men” or “I’ve always wanted men, that doesn’t just change”. But last night I’ve had really sexual dreams that I’m having trouble interpreting. I had one where I think it was me sleeping with a guy, but I woke up frantically because I think the roles got reversed, but I’m not sure. Another one I was a random woman with a husband, but I think the roles got reversed again so I woke up immediately. Both times it felt like arousal. Obviously I still care somewhat if I’m still here asking, but my brain or maybe me (I’m really not sure anymore) is telling me that I’m a lesbian now and I prefer it. It’s like I don’t care and want it now. It’s like I’m not even feeling confusion about it. I don’t know if it’s because of the meds, I’ve been distracted (family in town), because I’m in maybe quieter stages after two bad spiral episodes, or because I’ve really changed. It’s literally like I think being a lesbian will be enjoyable now but I don’t want that, even if my brain (and body apparently) keeps telling me that. I was told that ocd doesn’t change who you are, but now I’m worried that what I thought was background noise leading up to another spiral was suppressed self discovery (I’ve had two major soocd episodes in my life: late high school and now a few years later).

Hi everyone I'm 18 and recently discovered i have soocd. I remember having random thoughts about men and it would make me feel uncomfortable and have bad panic attacks. Sometimes I would have to leave class bc these thoughts was messing with my head. And sometimes I would avoid men bc of this. I remember having a sex dream about one of my guy classmate and when ever I seen him I would have hatred for him. These thoughts keep on repeating over and over in my head to the point where I don't reaction to it. I don't if I'm slowly realizing im actually into men, but I still have this weird gut feeling in my stomach when I think about it. I really don't wanna lose my identity as lesbian.

I really really need help. Please. So, lately, I've started to notice that I may or may not have a bi side. I'm a girl, and I'm a Christian. I love Jesus and I don't want to do anything that's against his laws so I can't be a bi. I just can't. But lately, I've started to notice that when I see, like, a really beautiful lady, I feel some sort of attraction and tightness in my chest. I can't deny the tug I feel whenever I see a beautiful lady and I don't want it. I don't read or watch anything related to lesbianism and I can't deny that I find gay couples cute but being a lesbian has always been a no for me. It's been getting worse lately and last night I had a dream. So, there's this live TV show that's going on in my country and I had a dream about one of the contestants. Mind you, I have no interest at allll in this contestant. I barely see her on screen and I don't even like fee any connection for her whatsoever. But in the dream I had, she was offering herself to me to y'know, do some stuff and what happened to my body is what is still shocking me. I HAD NEVER FELT SO AROUSED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I still can't explain it. I don't know what happened or what's happening to me but I need help. Like serious help. I don't know what's wrong with me but I just can't be bi. I don't want to. I feel like with each day that passes, I start to discover new, scary sides of me and my OCDs aren't even helping matters. Please, any advice at this point would do. I can't tell my mom or even my youth pastor cuz I'm too scared that they'll start to see me differently and start judging me.