When I reassure myself that " I'm not gay because I have no attractions to men" i feel happy for sometime. Then on the next day, I think that I'm attracted to men. This happens with almost every reassurance that I take. Anyone can relate?

When I reassure myself that I no I would never do that, I don’t believe it & when I’ve been using the same reassurance for a while it doesn’t work the same way as it use to?

Hey everyone I’ve been doing good lately. I have an ocd therapist and I’m working on myself. Haven’t been doing as many compulsions or checks The last couple days I feel like I lost physical attraction to my wife and my mind says it’s because I’m gay. At this point I’ve been going back and forth on this for years so I’m more accepting but it still freaks me out. Then I noticed a coworker who is define as an attractive guy and thought about what it be like to be gay with him. It didn’t seem horrible but it seemed off somehow. Fast forward I tried gay porn…..again. At first like always it did nothing but I kept like making mental accommodations and trying to physically put myself in the situation. Then all the sudden I ejaculated. Sorry if too graphic. It’s happened before like that but I don’t get why. I feel horrible after it happens too. Anyway I tried straight porn to balance it out and it took forever. Maybe I just need to accept I am gay or not totally straight. I notice attractive guys and girls but I dream about my wife/girls, feel more comfortable thinking about a heterosexual relationship and can’t like get aroused to guys outside of porn. Can anyone relate? What does this mean? I might be seeking reassurance but need help

I feel that I’ve come on extremely well. I still can’t accept uncertainty. My attraction to the opposite gender (females) comes back but doesn’t last how it used to too. I feel that excitement, thoughts like “she’s well fit” then a horrible depressed feeling and those voices saying “but you don’t like females anymore…” The false attraction towards same gender (male) isn’t as bad as it was. It used to be every single male, old young, big, small, even voices, cartoons and so on. Now it’s a quick spike when I see a male followed by disgusted, I still pull a horrible face and I shake depending on how bad the thoughts/ feelings. This HOCD/SOOCD happened 14 years ago but not as severe as this time round. Then just went for 14 years. Has anyone been through the same and got through it??