it’s getting worse. i’ll try to phrase this in the best way i can. i came across something on tiktok that was so horrible and triggering and now i’ve been up all night feeling panic and guilt. i tried counteracting the intrusive thoughts with thoughts of my own that align with my morals because i thought it would make me feel better and provide me with some relief knowing i’m not a bad person, but it only made me feel worse bc now my mind is trying to convince me of doing otherwise and i haven’t slept. i just feel so worthless and like i am a terrible person and that i don’t deserve happiness. i’m also pmsing, often my symptoms are worse around this time. i feel like i can’t talk about my struggles to anyone because i’m scared they won’t understand. i really don’t want to be having these thoughts and overanalysing my every action to find some sort of proof that these thoughts are true, it’s only destroying me. i’m so scared of being a bad person. i wish i could stop feeling like this. it’s been this way for years. i feel like i don’t deserve love and that it would be better for everyone if i kept myself away. i just feel so sad and afraid. i honestly don’t know what to do to make things better.

"Pure" OCD

12345678910

Date posted: 4y

Hello. I just want to start off by saying that you are so strong for battling this. I totally how understand the troubles of the guilt caused by OCD and just guilt in general are terrifying. It can get so hard at times. It’s important to remember that you are not a bad person. Your thoughts do not define you. The fear you have of being a bad person shows already that you care very deeply about being a good individual. Take a second to step back from your situation, and observe it from the outside as if you are somebody else. Imagine that instead of you in your situation, it is a friend or loved one. If your friend was feeling the way you were, and was experiencing the same negative thoughts and feelings you were, what would you say to them? How would you feel for them? Treat yourself as you would a loved one. You are just as good and deserving as your friends and family members. We all make our mistakes and have our bad thoughts (whether our own or intrusive), and that is simply because we are human. It can be so difficult, feeling as if you are the only one that makes the mistakes, and that all of the others around you are somehow “better” or more deserving. I get how that can feel. You are not worthless, and you are so special and important. Please remember to take care of yourself. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can always message me. Sometimes it’s easier anonymously with people we don’t know! I won’t ever judge. It’s easy to bottle up our emotions and not share our thoughts because we are afraid, but this can be very damaging. It gets to be too much to bear with time. Please don’t hesitate to talk to me whenever you need it! :)

idonotlikemy...

Date posted: 4y

thank you so much, i really needed to hear this. it’s hard to remind myself that intrusive thoughts are just thoughts and that they don’t define me or mean anything. but they get the better of me sometimes and it can be really difficult carrying the weight of that. hearing things like this makes me feel a little better and at least i know i’m not the only one who struggles with this. thank u for taking the time out of ur day to write this kind message, i will make sure to look at it when things get bad again. i appreciate you so much

12345678910

Date posted: 4y

@idonotlikemybrain It’s no problem at all:) I’m really glad that this was helpful. things will get better. Surround yourself with the people you care about and remember that it is okay to feel this way! It’s not weird, and you’re not alone. It’s good to talk about these things because speaking of the thoughts instead of keeping them all in takes the power away from them. You are in control, and your thoughts cannot decide if you are a “good” or “bad” person. You are you, and it’s as simple as that! What is important is that you care about being good. You want to be good, which you are! Don’t let your intrusive thoughts get in the way of you enjoying your life. :)

Mitu_001

Date posted: 24w

Tw I am so scared

I am so scared of everything .Of my thoughts.If I am a good person.Years ago I didnt help a kid who was in danger.Since then I started to have terrible thoughts :( i am so terrified.I still have these thoughts and I am scared it means something about me .I really dont want to hurt anyone and I want to help that kid now but idk how I can now.Also I am scared I betray everyone.I still have terrible thoughts and when I am with someone I care is worse...idk why.For example I started to talk with a collegue and he is really nice to me.I told him some things abt me( not the intrusive thoughts) and he was supportive.I have no idea if I will tell anyone abt my thoughts..and bcs of that I feel like I lie to them and betray them.I really want to enjoy my life and be happy and support people( especially because I didnt help that kid then).I want to live up to my morals now but I feel like I lie and manipulate people bcs I am a monster.Is this normal? To feel this way? What can I do? What if I am my worst fear and just cant accept it?!

flowerpetals

Date posted: 20w

word vomit

i’ve just been feeling so off lately. i’m okay right now, but a couple hours ago i was in this mood where i felt anxiety creeping up. like i will feel like there’s danger when there isn’t. i just get this really uncomfortable feeling that something feels wrong even when it isn’t. and i’ve been feeling derealization/depersonalization. just really disconnected from myself and the world. i’ve also been unmotivated to where there are times when the thought of doing things upsets me. and i’ve been having existential thoughts that do not mesh well with harm ocd. i get the thought “if people aren’t real then it’s okay to hurt them”. it sucks because there are times where i just don’t even care to ruminate and find reassurance that that’s not the case. furthermore, i’ve just been really aware of my existence. i will get moments where i’m so aware of my existence and it freaks me out. like the fact that i’m a living human being is crazy to me. then there are times when i’m not even anxious about anything which then has me questioning and ruminating on that because i ALWAYS have something i’m worrying about. i’ve also been feeling really nostalgic and bittersweet of the good memories from the past. i keep thinking about good times i’ve had and really wishing i could relive it. for example, last summer was a pretty good summer even with my ocd. and i just wish i could relive some of those moments, but i obviously can’t. and it’s been upsetting me because this month has been shitty with my anxiety. as for an update with my room change to those of you curious, i still have anxiety over it and my mom is taking it as me being ungrateful with what i have when it’s my ocd making a huge deal of it. that upsets me especially since i’ve told her what’s been going on and she was really understanding of it. anyways, life has just been a bit much and i’ve been dealing with more to my anxiety that i don’t appreciate. while worrying about constantly throwing up with my contamination ocd is incredibly exhausting, it’s so normal to me that i’m used to it. but when my harm ocd kicks in along with other themes that aren’t usually common for me, i freak out and feel like i’m going insane. i genuinely wonder how people have dealt with taboo topics of ocd without treatment for years on end. i’ve had harm intrusive thoughts since i was little, but it didn’t get to any extreme until 2023. i feel like i’m drowning in it when it decides to hit me and the thought of having to deal with it for the rest of my life?? i’m scared something in me will flip and i’ll become what my thoughts are telling me i am. i apologize for the mixed thoughts that are all over the place but i feel safe posting on here about it and want to hear how y’all are doing

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 20w

I’m so tired I just wanna be free

I know I keep talking about This but I’m too tired :( I’m really struggling and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I might be the only person who experiences this in the way I do. It’s gotten so bad that during intimacy or self-pleasure, I feel like I’m acting on a thought — like my body is moving because of it. It’s terrifying and deeply hurtful. The moment it happens, I immediately panic, try to rewind everything in my head, and ruminate to figure out what I was thinking at that exact second… but I can never remember. That makes it even worse. feel so lost and hopeless, like I’ll never be able to heal or move on from this. People tell me “it’s just OCD,” but it doesn’t feel like OCD to me. It feels like I’m the exception — like no one else truly experiences it like this, especially the part where it feels like I physically responded to a thought. I know people say “others go through this too,” but my mind keeps saying, “not like this, not this specific thing.”Sometimes I just wish I could go back and relive those moments so I could be sure what happened, but I know that’s not possible. I feel so stuck in guilt and doubt that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m scared I’m a bad person and that I’ll always feel this way. I’ll never be free or be the same again everyday I live with deep depression

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