it’s getting worse. i’ll try to phrase this in the best way i can. i came across something on tiktok that was so horrible and triggering and now i’ve been up all night feeling panic and guilt. i tried counteracting the intrusive thoughts with thoughts of my own that align with my morals because i thought it would make me feel better and provide me with some relief knowing i’m not a bad person, but it only made me feel worse bc now my mind is trying to convince me of doing otherwise and i haven’t slept. i just feel so worthless and like i am a terrible person and that i don’t deserve happiness. i’m also pmsing, often my symptoms are worse around this time. i feel like i can’t talk about my struggles to anyone because i’m scared they won’t understand. i really don’t want to be having these thoughts and overanalysing my every action to find some sort of proof that these thoughts are true, it’s only destroying me. i’m so scared of being a bad person. i wish i could stop feeling like this. it’s been this way for years. i feel like i don’t deserve love and that it would be better for everyone if i kept myself away. i just feel so sad and afraid. i honestly don’t know what to do to make things better.

Hello. I just want to start off by saying that you are so strong for battling this. I totally how understand the troubles of the guilt caused by OCD and just guilt in general are terrifying. It can get so hard at times. It’s important to remember that you are not a bad person. Your thoughts do not define you. The fear you have of being a bad person shows already that you care very deeply about being a good individual. Take a second to step back from your situation, and observe it from the outside as if you are somebody else. Imagine that instead of you in your situation, it is a friend or loved one. If your friend was feeling the way you were, and was experiencing the same negative thoughts and feelings you were, what would you say to them? How would you feel for them? Treat yourself as you would a loved one. You are just as good and deserving as your friends and family members. We all make our mistakes and have our bad thoughts (whether our own or intrusive), and that is simply because we are human. It can be so difficult, feeling as if you are the only one that makes the mistakes, and that all of the others around you are somehow “better” or more deserving. I get how that can feel. You are not worthless, and you are so special and important. Please remember to take care of yourself. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can always message me. Sometimes it’s easier anonymously with people we don’t know! I won’t ever judge. It’s easy to bottle up our emotions and not share our thoughts because we are afraid, but this can be very damaging. It gets to be too much to bear with time. Please don’t hesitate to talk to me whenever you need it! :)