I can’t stop thinking existential thoughts I can’t take it anymore. Whenever anything good happens I think them.

m at the point where every night I contemplate going to the ER for my terrible thoughts. For the past 2.5 years I’ve been struggling with extremely bad existential ocd/nihilism. One day I woke up and had a nihilistic thought and since that day I’ve had severe nihilistic and suicidal thoughts. I truly don’t wanna do anything because in the end we die. In the end life is meaningless because we die. I feel almost delusional bc these thoughts feel true. Anything I do my brain goes “why are you doing this? It’s not gonna matter” I’m getting married in June and I don’t feel anything. I don’t wanna do anything. I don’t care to. I have to quit my RN job at the hospital because of this terrible theme. I don’t see a point in anything. Life doesn’t make sense. Death terrifies me. And life feels meaningless. My life is ruined. I hate ocd I hate it.

I'm getting intrusive thoughts of self harm. It seems like I've achieved everything in my life and it makes little difference. None of it was worth anything.

I can’t stop thinking about death today. Not like suicide or pondering how I could die. Just more so I’m going to die. It’s like. I was eating my pizza today listening to music and looking at the clouds. And I was like I love this this is amazing. And then Brain says “ur gonna die one day btw” Or I redid my wallpaper on my phone and I love the way it looks. I unlock my screen and admire the vibe I’ve created. And then brain says “one day you’ll be dead” When I feel a moment of joy or happiness or peace is when the thought screams at me. I’m really unsettled and distraught about thinking about being dead one day. This doesn’t come up often like other thoughts I have but I hate this one because it’s hard to cope with. Because I do the things and “techniques” to make them quieter. But then immediately Brain says “why are u even trying tho. It’s pointless because you’ll be dead one day.” Any advice ??