My biggest fear is what if ocd convinces me to act on the thoughts 😭😭😭

I have really bed harming intrusive thoughts and sometimes feels like it’s feeling! The thoughts happening every day and the hardest part is that I’m testing my self in head all the time if that’s what I am or want!!! Also, so many times feels like I’m been tricking myself and doctor or people and maybe I don’t have OCD, just that maybe it’s me really!!!! How can I know who I am really 🥹???!!??

I’ve had this feeling all day that I’m just gonna lose control because I’m not checking how I feel. I had this thought like oh well you wouldn’t be brushing your teeth or eating if you was gonna act on it and then I felt relief for a bit and now I’ve started getting thoughts like what’s the point in cleaning or eating if you’re gonna act on it & now I feel confused?? What’s going on

I’m thinking about doing erp but my ocd is so severe the thought of accepting my fears happening to me makes me sick to my stomach. I also believe in the power of my words and saying I accept this Bad thing will attract it into my life. I’m not sure what I should do🥲