I finally did it. I have my first session tomorrow. I've never been diagnosed so I'm quite nervous.

my appointment with the psychiatrist is months away and still need to confirm everything but after talking with my therapist last night I just feel even more scared. Like scared I'm not going to provide enough info and then she'll tell me that nothing is wrong then all of this is for nothing. Of course, id love for there to be nothing wrong with me and to feel none of these things that have been bothering for so long. But the fear of being told that there isn't when its causing so much worry... it's making me really anxious. But it also makes me feel guilty because I feel like I'm just looking for attention or making something out of nothing. Even though I know very well it isn't nothing. I know that people sometimes take years or even decades to get help or get a diagnosis that actually fits what they've experiencing and im scared of that too.

I’m considering trying therapy through nocd. This is too heavy for me to try and hold in anymore. I had a really bad night last night. I don’t want to use my mom’s insurance so I’d be self pay. Has anyone tried and is it worth it in your opinion? I’m afraid this is starting to affect my relationship and even my job+ feels more debilitating than ever. I think it might be time I’m also so shy. I wish I could do text therapy rather than phone visit 😫 any advice? I’m sure it’s not as bad as I imagine it’ll be. If anything I’ll bet it’s nice and I won’t feel the need to hold back. I’m also not diagnosed yet, has anyone gotten a diagnosis from doing therapy this way?

(21+ ONLY: TRIGGER WARNING) I have therapy today and I’m nervous. I just started going to therapy and I really like my therapist. She talked to me about doing ERP and I’m really nervous about it. I’m scared to tell her the extent of my OCD, and my themes. I’m scared to tell her about my false memory OCD, because I’m scared that what I did was real and I’m just excusing it as false memory, although I have no memory of it. I’m scared that I am truly a monster and I’m using OCD as an excuse—and that she’ll find out and distance herself. I’m just scared that my whole world is gonna fall apart, all around me.