I can't give up women I just can't.... this is horrible 😢

Help

I have completed given up utterly I'm tired and I just have accepted the fact that I'm too much ,I'm too troubled to be loved ,It's like I'm allergic to peace .can anyone please give some advice

I feel like I want to be lesbian. I want to cry. I gave into compulsions and I went on lesbian TikTok. It feels like something I want to try and do and that I’d be happier. Why is it so real. I don’t want to be lesbian but I feel like I’m pushing down the truth. How do I stop giving into these compulsions and feel better, I can’t do this anymore. I don’t even remember being straight or liking men. I hate this.