I’ve just started going into an episode, and I was supposed to start grad school in a week, now I feel so terrible I don’t think I can handle it and should just stay home and heal. I’m very conflicted, I don’t trust myself to move out and live alone and handle this by myself :( I also feel so bad I don’t think I even deserve to go anymore.

TW I’m feeling really bad about myself today. I feel like a fraud and a liar. I’ve been unable to enjoy my time with my girlfriend because I’m bombarded with my thoughts. I’ve been asking for reassurance from so many people and nothing is helping. Nothing makes me feel better anymore and I’m worried that this is just how it’s going to be for forever. I miss when I could just be happy and not overthink so much. I miss being able to get through my days without this crippling anxiety. I’m worried there’s going to be a day where I realize I have no fight left in me

I’ve been going through this rough patch for the last four months, and I can already feel an even worse one coming. I just feel scared. And on top of that, I’m going to stop therapy. After everything with my current therapist, I just don’t have the strength to keep trying anymore. I feel hopeless. My head hurts so much, and it’s hard to keep going when everything feels this bad. I just want to cry, hope this feeling passes, and maybe try again if it ever lets up. But right now, it feels like nothing will ever get better. I don’t feel like I can ask for help. I hate that it took me so long to realize this wasn’t the therapist for me. I was too scared of being dramatic, so I let it go on for far too long, and now I feel like I’ve just become a burden-like. I hate that I let it get to that point, especially when I was paying for this. I just want to give up. I feel broken down, and I don’t even want to be okay anymore.

I didn’t realize how bad/severe my agoraphobia was, I kept putting off as not being “that bad” or thinking “other people have it worse” without realizing I’m low key one of those people 💀 But honestly it makes me wanna cry realizing just how crippled I’ve been, how badly this has actually been all these years, and it’s only getting worse, I have a serious problem and I’m really hoping this place will help me