I feel AWFUL! I feel like I need to pray again. I intentionally got mad at god and inner promised him something.

Helppp😭 what do I do? I'm going to hell for blasphemy. I can't get it to stop and that's the sin that is unforgivable. How do I beg the holy spirit, I have prayed many times? Please can he have Mercy on me? I didn't do it intentionally. I don't want to do it or or go to hell. I can't even go to sleep rn because I'm scaredd... please am I alone😭😭 please someone say something 😭🙏🏼 I'm a believing Christian and can't believe I'm doing this...I have failed...I keep on saying derogatory stuff about HIM, please helpppp

This wasn’t an ocd intrusive thought necessarily. It wasn’t really a well thought out prayer either. I was in the middle of a prayer obsession. I was thinking of things I could pray for. I wanted to die, so without really thinking it out too much I thought “please let world war 3 happen, amen,” and then didn’t really care and regretted it afterward. It feels insignificant to me, but it’s bad to most people. This is a common thing with a lot of prayers and I’m not sure why. I’m not normally a malicious person. I don’t know if the difference is people think I care a ton when I do them, sit down and have a connection with god, and say them. I’m not very religious and know nothing is going to happen. This has happened for other prayers too. I don’t have a desire to keep praying for stuff like that to happen, but I did, and I did stuff like that for a lot of other things too. And I meant it in the moment, but couldn’t have care less 2 seconds afterward.

Today I was trying to figure out something at work, and some people were watching and I was taking longer than expected. I said to myself, “why am I so stupid” and I felt like I was angry and I felt like I was angry at God. I’m worried because I felt like I cursed God in my heart. I’m worried because who am I to be mad at God. I want to have reverence, and I just don’t know what to do. It feels like my heart is hard.