I don’t like them at all but I feel like I have to do it
To make sure that I find them disturbing and that I’m scared of it..
Yessss this is a compulsion, more specifically a mental compulsion. I’ve dealt with the same. I know this sounds hard, but to treat ocd you have to use erp and stop doing this, and accept the uncertainty by saying “yeah, maybe it’s true”. The point is to sit with the anxiety it causes. It’s scary for sure but after a while the fears bothered me much less :)
yes I do this too