Having a lot of command thoughts :( I feel sick

Hey yall, having a tough time. I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts while I self pleasure and it GENUIENLY feels like I enjoy them for whatever reason. And then now about half an hour later it’s like okay it’s a sexual thought but I might not actually like it. Idk I just really hate myself, because I basically genuinely liked it in the moment

I had a horrible thought and it was my own thought. I feel awful. Also my heart is racing all the time

I have all kinds of thoughts that aren’t me it feels like someone is talking to me telling me evil things about people or to do evil things 😞😞😞😞 I can’t do this anymore