It’s your ocd trying to convince you that you don’t. But, the thing is, your ocd goes after the things you love most. So, the fact that your ocd is going after him means you love him a lot! Don’t give up, you can do this!
How come it feels like I don’t want to be with my husband of almost 18 years? I feel I no longer love him and feel uncomfortable with him 24/7. I feel so sad that I feel like this. How could this be ocd?
I’ve thought the same thing when I am in the throes of an OCD spike. The best words anyone ever said to me were, “love is a choice not a feeling.” Feelings come and go and are unreliable. OCD attacks our values and what we hold most dear. For me, it targeted my relationship with my husband. Leaning into those fears with ERP is the only way forward. Repeating the intrusive thoughts until they are no longer anxiety provoking sounds counter-intuitive but it really works. I actually am going through a pretty bad spike at the moment and I needed a reminder myself.
I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD, but went to counseling in college and she did say I have pretty bad anxiety. When I mentioned these exact symptoms with my husband, she said that your anxiety (or OCD) takes the most important things in your life and makes you believe you don’t want or love them.