For CC97

Me too. It feels like I can’t feel that way about men, like I’m not able to.

@missbluesky Me too

@PinkLotus Do you worry that you don’t have success in relationships because you’re not MEANT to date men?

@missbluesky I do

@missbluesky I worry my current relationship is platonic and I don’t realize it

@cc97 How long have you had this?

@missbluesky 2 years almost 3

@cc97 I’ve had it for almost 8 years on and off…seems like that’s not ocd.

@missbluesky What me? Or you?

@missbluesky I think OCD themes can last for years - depending on if you’re doing ERP therapy ETC

@cc97 Me! I’m taking about me. I was 12 when it first started, now I’m nearly 20. I feel like because it started at he age most people find out they’re gay and the fact that it’s stick around for so long says something. It’s also my worst theme by far

@missbluesky Have u heard of Chrissie Hodges?

@cc97 Yes. I think I’ve watched every single one of her videos lol.

@missbluesky I’m pretty sure hers started around 12 ? No

@cc97 I’m nervous mine I proof bc it started so late

@cc97 She was 14, so young but not as young as I was

@cc97 Really? How so? I can’t even imagine how ocd would justify that

@missbluesky 1. I don’t have a lot of experience with guys and I’m 24 so OCD uses that to be like this isn’t really OCD and 2. A lot of people get this theme younger then I did

@cc97 I’m 19 and I don’t have a lot of experience with guys either. I used to cry about not having a boyfriend but now I’m worried I only wanted one because I was seeking male validation.

@missbluesky Same!! Never thought twice about it until HOCD

@cc97 I felt like a deep sense of loss that I would never experience love and I based my self esteem based on what men thought of me so basically I had no self esteem

@cc97 And of course, that is somehow a sign of being gay.

@cc97 And also I’m worried because all of my other friends have boyfriends and I feel panicked that I don’t have one and that I never will and maybe that’s the only reason i want one

@missbluesky I have had all the same thoughts and concerns!

@cc97 Really??!

@missbluesky Yes! Like I’m unlovable or for some reason un able to love like everyone else. I think it’s because of society’s timeline but there’s people all over Tik tok who are older like 30s and never had boyfriends

@cc97 But do you worry that that makes you a lesbian?

@cc97 When I see things like that I panic because I’m worried that I’m going to be in my 30s without having had a boyfriend

@missbluesky Depends on how I’m feeling. some days it triggers me and makes me feel like I’m a lesbian and some days it reassures me that it’s okay and not abnormal

Thank you for responding. It just feels like a massive game of denial at this point. I’ve suffered from this theme since I was 12, and even that is a sign.

@missbluesky How old r u now

@cc97 19, unfortunately. About to turn 20. I can remember the day this all started: December 21st, 2013

@cc97 Is it also normal that if i often admired women or really wanted to be friends with them your whole life. But never thought of being with them as a couple and now my ocd is trying to convince me that this is proof and i just didn’t realize it for my whole life.