tw// pocd , nsfw another panic! great! so i used to read miraculous ladybug fanfics when i was younger like 13 maybe and some were nsfw but i liked the plot or angst behind mari and chat blanc. so i read them. the characters in miraculous are 13-15 and i feel like i kinda forgot that bc a few months ago i remembered how much i loved those fanfics and i looked for some but i don’t think i really read any. but now i’m horrified bc i remembered that i’m 17 and those characters are in fact younger than me and idk if i was directly looking for the nsfw fics but now i find that disgusting and again i know a real pedophile would never rlly find it disgusting like ever but i find it rlly nasty when i realize that those characters are in fact younger than me like that’s so nasty ew, but i’m panicking bc regardless of whether i knew or not i still wanted to find them bc i remember i used to rlly love them but again i think i tried to read a few but nothing rlly grabbed my attention (none were nsfw i think even now i’m not a big fan of reading any nsfw like i rlly don’t like it tbh) so i just forgot about it but i’m panicking bc those characters are younger than me now and i think i forgot that whilst looking a few months ago at least i hope I did bc now i’m like so disgusted by even the idea of reading abt ppl younger than me do anything remotely nsfw that’s so nasty i just ugh idk what to do is this smth i should let go as in it’s just my ocd or is this a legitimate mistake or problem i can’t tell anymore. (also i’m aware it’s just fictional characters but that still grosses me out like tremendously)

Is this pocd? OCD?? Please no judgement!! This has been on going for years and I want the thoughts to stop and enjoy anime again :( not the other way around I used to love pride from an anime fmab (full metal alchemist brotherhood) when I was 14-15. And I feel so guilty because he took the form of a kid cause he’s a villain who can disguise himself and possess. I never liked the kid but more personality. I don’t think I NEVER EVER had romantic attraction to the body. I feel so gross talking about this as I’m older now and know what this is. The thing is Pride the homunculus character is ancient years old but his disguise is 10 years old and they have the same height but Pride is literally just a shadow with eyes and mouths in in the general lore of the anime. I do not like him now. As I got older I stopped liking him. Not in a sxual way even at all but just in general but my brain is making me think I like him or I used to in just a sxual way or ftish type of way but I DO NOT!! Idc I just feel disgusting. And I don’t want to have him as a favorite character anymore. How can I explain this to a therapist?! Any advice? No judgement please.

Ive dealt with pocd for a very long time now and it gets more real as time goes on. I was watching a movie and I’ve read the books so I knew there was a kiss scene coming up.The actors and their characters are children but I was basically looking forward to the scene. Then as they were kissing, it looked kind of weird and mechanical because again the actor was technically still a child. And I let myself indulge and enjoy it, of how someone young was doing something sexual and adult like. Idk I feel like a fuckikg creep but I don’t WANT this. There was nothing intrusive about this, it’s just something creepy that I’ve done. I keep ruminating about it but still. I don’t identify myself by this mistake but it still sucks. My mind then went to children that I know, one girl and one boy, and them separately doing sexual things for the first time and navigating that and it feels like I like it but I don’t. It’s not as real as the movie scene because the fact I enjoyed the scene WAS real but it’s still stressing me out.

So one day a couple months ago I saw some posts on threads pop up on instagram and they said I’m 17 and horny and 18 and horny or I think I even remember see a 16 year old one. I’m 20 and I remembered that when those popped up I clicked on them and I don’t know if I did it out of true attraction or out of the urge to make my anxiety go away. I feel like often times if I see something that says any number under 18 even if it has nothing to do with age it could be talking about season 17 of a tv show my mind immediately goes what?? 17??? And then I click on it to make my anxiety go away. So when I remembered all of this I downloaded the threads app because I wanted to see if I could get reassurance and see if I could rekindle how I felt in these moments. When I opened the app all I saw was posts like that but everyone claimed to be 18. The only problem is none of the girls looked 18 they looked like 14-16 so I started to panic I and worry that because I clicked on the threads in the past it popped up more and I was a pedophile for that. All of the accounts all pretty much had only fans links so at that point I was like well they have to be 18 then but now I’m worried that maybe it’s a scammer and they are using underage pictures of girls and putting them on onlyfans. Which I know is out of my control but I just feel like a Pedo and like I did something wrong. Does anyone have any advice? Or have any similar situations/ similarities with this?