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- 4y
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- 4y
I feel the exact same way. Truly. I feel like I never even had intrusive thoughts and it was questioning from the beginning.
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- 4y
Are you also just thinking about it all day? It’s not like I have a normal day and then I get an intrusive thought. It’s just literally all the time and I’m always combing through my memories and always checking scenarios and always seeing if I find actors/people on tiktok attractive. I don’t know who I am :(
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- 4y
@b13 Yes. It’s like that for me when it’s really bad, and when it starts to get better i get intrusive thoughts but I’m not scared, I feel like I don’t have ocd and it’s all just fake.
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- 4y
@doloresguppies I hope that’s the case for me but sadly I think I have too much evidence and stuff for this to be OCD. I know literally everyone says that but I can’t help but feel that way.
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@b13 I feel the exact same way. There’s genuinely too much evidence, like actual evidence. I’ve watched lesbian porn, I’ve questioned my sexuality twice before this, I’ve masturbated to a girls body once, I’ve had this since I was 12 and now I’m 19, the list goes on and on.
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@b13 I do this too, and at this point idk what to feel anymore it's gotten to the point where it's just confusing
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@doloresguppies Me too. I stumbled across lesbian stuff too young and would then watch like girls kissing and stuff (which is whatever EVERYONE on tiktok says is like the biggest sign) and I said some weirdly lesbophobic stuff when I was like 12 and I have no idea why and now I worry that was some form of internalised homophobia. I worry that I was weirdly possessive of my best friend when I was younger. This started at 15 for me and I’m 22. I feel like nobody else has this evidence and that I’m for sure the one in denial. :(
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@b13 what** not whatever
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@corpse dance I don’t know what’s true and what’s not and I wish I just knew. When this first started when I was younger I used to think if I a single wish granted it’d be to know my sexuality for sure.
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@b13 It sucks because I feel like im lying to everyone and myself, it feels like I already know and am in denial ugh
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@corpse dance I absolutely relate to that. It seems like I KNOW I’m in denial and I’m just lying to myself and to my family and my doctors.
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@b13 those aren’t even bad signs 😭 look at what I said. I am clearly gay and in denial. You have ocd 😭😭
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- 4y
@doloresguppies @doloresguppies @corpse dance I have had this feeling like I’m lying to everyone too.
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@doloresguppies I don’t think so. :(. I don’t have any other themes either so this feels like what other people must feel like when they ‘realise’ they’re gay.
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@b13 I don’t either!
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@b13 Do you have Instagram or anything? I’d love to talk to you more.
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@doloresguppies It dosent even feel like Im lying to myself, I just feel like or know that Im gay, both of you guys have ocd lol. Only think Im worried about is If I actually am or talked myself into it but it feels like I actually am and sort of becoming ok with it too ugh Idk.
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@Imaan7 I currently feel like that :(
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@corpse dance Do y'all feel like you're coming here to attract the same gender bc this is horrible!
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@doloresguppies I’m really sorry I don’t give my usual social medias out! Sorry if you think that’s weird but I’m happy to talk to you here!
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- 4y
@Imaan7 Now with you saying this I feel a bit better but is that reassurance? Because I still think I’m the exception despite you saying that to me.
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@b13 No that’s totally fine, I use a different Instagram account for that reason lol
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@doloresguppies I should probably do that!
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@b13 Im just worried that I convinced myself too much by saying I am gay, or I actually am. Both possibilities are scaring me. And I dont even know anymore If I want to be or not, sometimes I feel I do. I just feel like Im gay all the time, its all so stupid
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@b13 Do you mind if we just talk on here? I’ll make a separate post
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@doloresguppies Okay sure
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Same, just me talking to myself in my head or figuring it out
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Yes like all day!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
I have really started to take control of my compulsions and im starting to string together better days! Still not great days or even good, but they are better!!! I have controlled my outward compulsions (googling, research, reassurance, checking) the past couple of days and felt the positive impact of that. But unfortunately, I am realizing that the rumination is still constant. My sexuality and relationship are the only two things constantly on my brain, and if they aren’t I freak out and wonder why im not thinking about them! Anyone have any advice on how to deal with the rumination. Sometimes I don’t even notice im doing it, but it’s taking up 90% of my day. Once I start to tackle this I think I may make some real big progress! Hope everyone is fighting today! ❤️
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- 20w
I was diagnosed with OCD around the age of 6, subtype- contamination primarily. It calmed down as I got older and I assumed it had gone away, but also didn’t realize it can show up in other ways, and it still had been effecting me which I know now. I’m not 31 and I’ve been in therapy for a year and it’s helped a lot, although I sometimes get thoughts that what if some of the stuff I’m dealing with isn’t ocd and I’m exaggerating. I feel like thoughts will feel sticky and I’ll do certain compulsions but then the thought eventually vanishes if I do it a few times which makes me think maybe it’s not OCD since other people/friends I know would probably do the exact same thing. Not sure if I’m making sense, but I guess my question is if that thought comes up with anyone else? Just being unsure if something you’re doing actually is ocd or not.
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- 20w
I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?
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