I’m worried that I don’t actually get intrusive thoughts. I just ruminate about my sexuality all day everyday and try to figure out the answer. I feel like the very first one I ever had was intrusive but not anymore? I worry it’s not OCD. And because of this I don’t know how I’m supposed to address it. Because people say ‘when you get a thought, do this…’ but I just have it on my mind constantly so I don’t know how to approach it.

Are you also just thinking about it all day? It’s not like I have a normal day and then I get an intrusive thought. It’s just literally all the time and I’m always combing through my memories and always checking scenarios and always seeing if I find actors/people on tiktok attractive. I don’t know who I am :(

@b13 Yes. It’s like that for me when it’s really bad, and when it starts to get better i get intrusive thoughts but I’m not scared, I feel like I don’t have ocd and it’s all just fake.

@doloresguppies I hope that’s the case for me but sadly I think I have too much evidence and stuff for this to be OCD. I know literally everyone says that but I can’t help but feel that way.

@b13 I feel the exact same way. There’s genuinely too much evidence, like actual evidence. I’ve watched lesbian porn, I’ve questioned my sexuality twice before this, I’ve masturbated to a girls body once, I’ve had this since I was 12 and now I’m 19, the list goes on and on.

@b13 I do this too, and at this point idk what to feel anymore it's gotten to the point where it's just confusing

@doloresguppies Me too. I stumbled across lesbian stuff too young and would then watch like girls kissing and stuff (which is whatever EVERYONE on tiktok says is like the biggest sign) and I said some weirdly lesbophobic stuff when I was like 12 and I have no idea why and now I worry that was some form of internalised homophobia. I worry that I was weirdly possessive of my best friend when I was younger. This started at 15 for me and I’m 22. I feel like nobody else has this evidence and that I’m for sure the one in denial. :(

@b13 what** not whatever

@corpse dance I don’t know what’s true and what’s not and I wish I just knew. When this first started when I was younger I used to think if I a single wish granted it’d be to know my sexuality for sure.

@b13 It sucks because I feel like im lying to everyone and myself, it feels like I already know and am in denial ugh

@corpse dance I absolutely relate to that. It seems like I KNOW I’m in denial and I’m just lying to myself and to my family and my doctors.

@b13 those aren’t even bad signs 😭 look at what I said. I am clearly gay and in denial. You have ocd 😭😭

@doloresguppies @doloresguppies @corpse dance I have had this feeling like I’m lying to everyone too.

@doloresguppies I don’t think so. :(. I don’t have any other themes either so this feels like what other people must feel like when they ‘realise’ they’re gay.

@b13 I don’t either!

@b13 Do you have Instagram or anything? I’d love to talk to you more.

@doloresguppies It dosent even feel like Im lying to myself, I just feel like or know that Im gay, both of you guys have ocd lol. Only think Im worried about is If I actually am or talked myself into it but it feels like I actually am and sort of becoming ok with it too ugh Idk.

@Imaan7 I currently feel like that :(

@corpse dance Do y'all feel like you're coming here to attract the same gender bc this is horrible!

@doloresguppies I’m really sorry I don’t give my usual social medias out! Sorry if you think that’s weird but I’m happy to talk to you here!

@Imaan7 Now with you saying this I feel a bit better but is that reassurance? Because I still think I’m the exception despite you saying that to me.

@b13 No that’s totally fine, I use a different Instagram account for that reason lol

@doloresguppies I should probably do that!

@b13 Im just worried that I convinced myself too much by saying I am gay, or I actually am. Both possibilities are scaring me. And I dont even know anymore If I want to be or not, sometimes I feel I do. I just feel like Im gay all the time, its all so stupid

@b13 Do you mind if we just talk on here? I’ll make a separate post

@doloresguppies Okay sure

Yes like all day!