Hello I am new to this app and I’m glad I’ve just come across it because I’ve really been needing a group of people that is understanding of OCD. I will have a psych Eval next month to get an official diagnosis but I have been working through harm OCD for the last four months. I didn’t truly understand what it was but through my general counseling and Google it’s clear. I have a fear that I’m going to harm my kids in some way and it’s debilitating. I have been afraid to be home alone it’s them and being really careful with watching my moods around them. I hardly ever chastise them and that was before I started having the intrusive thoughts. Does any one have any tips or anything to help me ease my anxiety as I wait to speak to a specialist?

Harm OCD

kmecroz85

Date posted: 4y

Hello! I feel this in my SOUL. I have this as well. I've struggled for 9 years, but I'm not anywhere where I used to be. I didn't know what it was until a year ago, so I just thought I was crazy. I have flashbacks of my really bad times and I think that's what is holding me back right now from full recovery. I fully recommend NOCD therapy. Get a counselor who specializes in OCD and knows. There are workbooks on amazon. The bible also has a ton of verses on anxiety and fear. It helped me so much when I was at my worst. Honestly, that was the only reason I made it through during that time. Otherwise I think I would've just had myself committed hahaha. On a for real note, it does get better. Spend time with your children, they need you. Don't be like me. I would make myself so busy I wouldn't spend quality time with them bc I didn't like feeling afraid. My OCD turned into afraid of being afraid. Life is too short for that and they grow so quickly. Talk about it to friends and family. One thing I've learned from my journey is that you're not alone. Your OCD will make you feel alone, but you're not. I promise you. It will get better, you will have victory. The thoughts will subside and you won't have them as often. Therapy will teach you to treat your OCD as a bully. One who stands in the background yelling terrible things at you. The more you learn to ignore and let it pass the less it yells at you. Look up intrusive thought memes or harm OCD memes. You'll find a huge community of people making fun of their fears. It helps me a ton. Stay strong my friend. It will pass. From one Harm OCDer to another - YOU WILL BE VICTORIOUS. 2 Timothy 1:7, Jeremiah 29:11. Hugs from Ohio!!

vscurry

Date posted: 4y

Wow this is amazing I’m like near tears 🥺🥺. This has been such a lonely road I’ve cried for God to take me so I could stop feeling this terrible. Knowing that I wouldn’t want to miss life with my kids. I’ve lost so much weight from not feeling like eating because I’d be so upset from worry. Sometimes I can’t even look at them in their faces because I feel like they have a monster for a mother. I am trying to stay as positive as possible with meditation and prayer and journaling but some days it seems like it’s not enough.

kmecroz85

Date posted: 4y

@vscurry Oh man. I know how you feel. I'm a mom of 4. Sometimes in the midst of it I would catch myself looking at a pic of them smiling and I'd feel immediately anxious and have an intrusive thought about killing them. It was awful. I couldn't sleep. I made contengency plans of cutting my arms off (LOL). I mean it was baaaadddd. One day I was in so much dispair that I picked up the bible and opened it. I heard the word stop and looked down. It was the verse where it talks about the devil prowling around like a roaring lion seeking those to devour. But stand firm in faith knowing that your brothers and sisters around the world are going through similar trials. And after you've suffered a while you'll come out refined. I hit the floor and cried. OCD made me feel alone and that's a lie. You're NOT alone. It took what mattered most to me and twisted it all gross and gave it back to me. You need to open up to people no matter how afraid. The more you do the more you'll realize the people who are struggling right there with you. I promise this. God has put soooo many people in my path that have helped me and that I've helped. We are called to be the light of the world. Remember the bible tells us that God gives the birds places to sleep and dresses the field with lilies. And we are so much more than that to him!!! God calls us to come to Him with our needs. So I mentally picture myself throwing up this black blob of harm OCD and give it to Him and haha I say thanks for taking this! I've learned to pray using bible verses. So I tell Him when I pray, "Lord, you said that you did not create me with a spirit of fear. But you created me with a spirit of power, spirit of love and sound mind and self control." I also personalized bible verses. So in Isaiah it says, Fear not, so I would say "Fear not Kecia, for I am with you." Also psalm 91 is good for fear too. Lastly, I want to tell you God hears your cries. He sees you. Ive always prayed to ask Him to take this from me, but I'm switching my prayer up. I'm asking Him to equip me to face this and conquer it. I've found through that not only am I stronger, but He is using my story to help others. It's helped me grow in faith as well. Please trust me when I tell you that these thoughts are in no way a reflection of who you are as a person. You WILLLLLL have victory. I know this because I've lived it. I'm living it. Our journey is baby steps, but they are progress no matter how small. Keep the faith, have hope. Never be ashamed of talking about it. Erp will help you, just make sure you do it with a licensed counselor. It can be tough but if you stick with it, it's totally worth it! Praying for you Momma. You got this. You will get through this and in turn with strengthen another momma down the road going through the same thing. You're a warrior, a Christian the darkness will NOT overcome you. The battle has been won. Hugs and many prayers.

vscurry

Date posted: 4y

@kmecroz85 Thank you so much for these words of encouragement! It really means so much!

kmecroz85

Date posted: 4y

@vscurry No problem, anytime. Always have hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel

justlive

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

Hi and welcome! I know how scary and upsetting this can be but know you are not alone. Many people with ocd have these same fears. Ocd tends to take hold on the things that mean most to us in this world and twist them into crazy irrational fears. I would definitely suggest seeking help from a professional but until then try some things such as meditation, avoiding compulsions, don’t push away the thoughts or avoid your kids because it’ll come back ten times worse. Also try journaling, exercise, and even looking up erp tools on the internet may help. Hope you start to feel better soon! And just know you’re not alone and you will get better!

vscurry

Date posted: 4y

Thank you! I do a lot of these already but have not tried erp tools.

satoruwu

Date posted: 23w

New here

I’m irrationally terrified of being found somehow by someone who knows me but I’m trying to post anyway. Not sure if I qualify as young adult or mid-life at this point because I’m about to be 30. Hi, I’m new here and I’m in the process of getting a diagnosis. I’m already diagnosed with autism, GAD, and probable ADHD, and I believe I’ve had varying subtypes of OCD since childhood. My worst OCD-related issue right now has been constant reassurance seeking. I’ve fallen into a trap of constantly doing it and without reassurance I’m terrified to make decisions in my new job. It’s causing me to ask too many questions I already know the answers to which makes me not look competent. Even though I’m somewhat experienced in my field of work, starting this new job has me feeling like I’m starting in the field all over again because I’m so bad these days with working independently since I can’t reassure myself that what I’m doing is correct. I’ve been stressed out of my mind and have come close to losing my job because the stress has exacerbated my autistic struggles such as meltdowns and social issues and I’m also battling the ADHD and GAD on top of it. I’ve also been pushing away people who are close to me with my reassurance seeking because I have problems with not being satisfied with any piece of advice or reassurance given to me by friends and family. They can say things will be okay a thousand times and even though I’m the one who asked I will fight them on it and I’m getting tired of my own difficult behavior and obsessive thoughts. I finally got into therapy again to try and save my job and my relationships from the clutches of my various mental illnesses and I’m just looking for community here.

L0ng16aelak

Date posted: 13w

Unsure if I even have OCD

Hello, I’m new to this app. I’ve always had an anxious brain, and I’ve had coping mechanisms for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, from as early as I could spell, until I was probably early teens, I would constantly write words in my head along to the beat of music. It’s such a vivid memory because I never stopped doing it. The word had to perfectly match up to the lyric and I loved that it kept my brain busy. I grew out of that, but felt like good context. My anxiety increased drastically around ages 17-19, and I began therapy. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety and panic disorder, due to having a panic attack nearly every day at that time. I overcame that as well, and now the panic attacks are every now and then, but the anxiety is constant, and some recent symptoms have led me to believe I might have some form of OCD. Maybe not. I’m trying to understand myself and get better so I joined this app to make sense of things. Lately I’ve been having really intense intrusive thoughts. I’m really embarassed and they make me feel like a bad person. Thoughts pop in my head seemingly out of nowhere. It will be an image of me harming myself or someone else in a really bad way. (Trigger warning) for example the other day I couldn’t shake the image of me putting a knife through my own forehead, although it’s not something I want to do. Or I’ll imagine someone killing me. I imagine my loved ones dying often. The thoughts feel so out of my control it’s insane. I hate them. Another persistent issue that isn’t as new is replaying social scenarios. I’m a hairstylist so this one is difficult since I meet a bunch of new people every day. I obsess over how I act and if people like me. I will impulsively say things all the time and they will haunt me for weeks. I question even my closest friends and family who show their love. I find myself so angry and numb and like I have so much built up emotion and a busy mind always. While doing my job I spiral really badly if any little thing goes wrong and it’s embarassing. I know there’s more but I can’t think of it now. I just want to feel better and like I’m not constantly battling my mind.

Emeee

Date posted: 10w

Just starting here

Im new here so im not exactly sure what im supposed to be doing but my therapist recommended that I start using this platform. I have had OCD my whole life as does my mom and her parents, but I never had a formal diagnosis until about 5 years ago. Recently my OCD has been absolutely taking over my life and it is just so mentally exhausting. I know there’s nothing “wrong” with me but I really wish that I just didn’t have OCD. I really just want to be able to exist without all of these obsessions. I’ve seen a few posts from people just talking about experiences so if anyone has any tips on how best to use the platform that would be great! On a funnier note - I’m pretty open about my OCD and I mention it to a coworker and there response was “Do you really have that or is that just something you say”. And my response was oh yeah no I really have it and it really impacts every minute of everyday in my life and they were just like 😶

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