Does anyone struggle with scrupulosity

Been having blasphemous intrusive thoughts about God. Then sometimes I’m really struggling and I feel resentful, sometimes even towards God, which I know is not right, I want to have reverence. But it feels like sometimes I think the blasphemous thoughts on purpose because of my anger. I don’t know if this is an OCD issue or an issue of my heart or both. But yeah I don’t know what to do.

I thought I was the only one who experience this kind of thoughts. I've been struggling intrusive blasphemous thoughs and sexual scenarios towards Jesus every minutes and seconds it so distressful to me. These thoughts inside my head also affects my church services as member of liturgical ministry during Eucharistic mass celebration. This lead me to asked myself "maybe I am bad person pretending to be a follower of Christ." Everytime I feel shame and guilt these thoughts much even getting worse. Asking myself several times "Am I going to hell? Am I mocking God? Am I experiencing a spiritual warfare or demonic attacks even I filled with the Holy Spirit? Am I committed a blasphemy against the Holy Spirit? Am I suffering from a mental disorder?" These questions made me realize that this was just my thought and I found out from the internet that these intrusive thoughts are severe symptoms of scrupulosity OCD. I'm afraid to share this with my family and friends because I'm scared to be judge. My dear brothers and sisters of Christ I respectfully ask for your advices. Please include me to your prayers. 🙏

Today I was listening to a sermon, and it was about pleasing God. Sometimes the preacher mentioned people who are not right with God, and I got scared. Sometimes I wonder what if it is conviction. But then I go and I pray but there’s some anxiety and I feel like I’m trying to force myself to do something. So it feels like either I was triggered by the sermon and as a compulsion I tried to pray really hard, or am I ignoring something? I feel like I am being OCD but I fear what if that is conviction. I know that repentance is not always easy, but I feel like sometimes I put unnecessary burdens on myself.