I told my sister that one of my friends was trans without really thinking about it just so I wouldn’t have to misgender them around the house and now I’ve had three anxiety attacks because I know I shouldn’t have but I only realised too late and my OCD is telling me I’m transphobic

i think with intrusive thoughts, the safest place to start has to always be “this may or may not be true”. so sure, this may or may not have been a transphobic act that might or might not have negative consequences for your friend. however! while that is possible, it is not probable. more importantly, right now ocd wants you to stay put and ruminate. and we’re trying to do the exact opposite of what that bitch wants right!! so heres an idea: talk to your sister! be mindful of reassurance seeking / any other compulsions you might want to engage in while in conversation, but you could approach her and say “hey, just wanted to let you know that my friend’s not out to everyone yet, so if you could keep this to yourself and try not to use any names/pronouns in relation to them?” just my two cents, theres no right answer or certainty but sometimes we can limit the consequences of our mistakes without engaging in rituals like confession or whatever (which are actually only counterproductive!!)