Hi. I have pocd and I have extreme anxiety that I could be sexually attracted by children. It started several months ago when I saw a child girl and had a bad thought since that time every time I see a child I feel anxious. I never had pedophilic thoughts before except two times when I also had anxiety about if I had been attracted to a child but it quickly went away. Before having pocd I had faith ocd about God's existence (am Christian) and I also have ocd about dirt so I spend 2 hours each day cleaning my butt after pooping until it bleeds. I have also a ridiculous ritual of washing my hands while counting. But none of these thoughts caused me as much anxiety as pocd does. Id hate to be an actual pedophile more than anything and if I listen to my ocd id feel less guilty killing someone or raping a grown woman than being a non offending pedophile which would be awful for me. I regard pedophilia as the most disgusting thing on earth. Moreover I have a strange symptom which is that I feel like my work is dirty (currently writing a thesis) if I had a bad thought while writing. So I hate the work im supposed to enjoy doing caus of this ocd. I always feel guilty, dirty and anxious and as soon as I see a child (on real or on photo and even on painting!) I cant help but checking any sign of sexual attraction. I quitted porn a year ago and now am falling back into it caus of checking processes I do. I start looking a pictures of children on google to check arousal and then I watch normal porn to check that im actually more aroused by that. Ive always liked girls of my age and still do and never was into girls with child like features but rather big boobs and stuffs. Id give almost everything I have to have certainty that im not a pedophile and that i wont ever become one. Hope my story will help pple in same situation to see that they are not alone. Please answer me if you have things to tell me in order to make me see that im not a pedo. Caus when thinking rationally Ik am not but as soon as I see a child I start doubting and the circle starts again.

I'm 14m n I hope I have pocd and I've never got a official diagnosis, a lot of times I get what I hope is false attraction when I see certain kinds of kids, not all kids cause it, only some of them do, I'm worried that's a sign of actual acttraction, today I saw a reel on insta n it had some 8 year old kid in it, I felt what I hope is false attraction but it felt too real, I initially scrolled past it but I scrolled back idk why and watched the full reel with the kid in it, I really hope it was false attraction and not real, I don't understand why I scrolled back onto the reel, I don't think I should have done that, I'm worried it's actual attraction, just this past week I've met a girl my age whom I knew I was into, I don't get why this stuff is happening to me, but I don't want to be a pedo n I wanna be able to have a relationship with that girl I met. Also today I went to see a therapist for the first time and I described this situation and what I hope is false attraction, my therapist told me that feelings are just feelings unless you act on them, now I'm worried she was saying that I am attracted to kids but I'm just not acting on it, like I said, I really hope I'm not a pedo and that I hope I'm able to have a relationship with a girl my age but now I'm doubting myself so much, I'm starting to believe that I am just a pedo in denial, I don't understand what's happening with me anymore, I can't stand it all anymore. I've also never gotten a official diagnosis.

TW So I haven’t been diagnosed with pocd, but many ppl said that I have it. I was in bed when I remembered this time when I first started experiencing what I hope is false attraction not actual pedophilia, I’m looking back on it rn n I’m worried it wasn’t false attraction, I remember feeling a sense of attraction when I saw that kid, I was about14 at the time and the kid was 11 or 12. I remember constantly searching to see if it was normal for a 14 year old to like a 12 or 11 year old, I was worried when I was doing that i think, I also kept walking pass her to look at her i think to check if i was attracted or not, but it makes me worried that I was attracted to her because im worried that i did it bc i was actually attracted. now looking back on it rn, I don’t feel panic, worry, shame, or guilt, I originally only felt panic and worry, never shame or guilt. Now I don’t feel any of it, not feeling panic and worry now makes me think that I am a p, I don’t want to be a p. I hope im not a p, Ive talked to a therapist and they’ve said that it’s pocd, but it wasn’t a official diagnosis, I’m worried it was a false diagnosis because I lied on one or two of the questions. I also constantly get senses of what I hope is false attraction when I see some kids, I keep trying to figure out if it is real or false attraction. Can someone give me some advice please

TW So I haven’t been diagnosed with pocd, but many ppl said that I have it. I was in bed when I remembered this time when I first started experiencing what I hope is false attraction not actual pedophilia, I’m looking back on it rn n I’m worried it wasn’t false attraction, I remember feeling a sense of attraction when I saw that kid, I was about14 at the time and the kid was 11 or 12. I remember constantly searching to see if it was normal for a 14 year old to like a 12 or 11 year old, I was worried when I was doing that i think, I also kept walking pass her to look at her i think to check if i was attracted or not, but it makes me worried that I was attracted to her because im worried that i did it bc i was actually attracted. now looking back on it rn, I don’t feel panic, worry, shame, or guilt, I originally only felt panic and worry, never shame or guilt. Now I don’t feel any of it, not feeling panic and worry now makes me think that I am a p, I don’t want to be a p. I hope im not a p, Ive talked to a therapist and they’ve said that it’s pocd, but it wasn’t a official diagnosis, I’m worried it was a false diagnosis because I lied on one or two of the questions. I also constantly get senses of what I hope is false attraction when I see some kids, and I keep trying to figure out if it is real or false attraction. Also some other time today I was feeling aroused and I wanted to m#sturbate, but then thoughts of kids started popping up, I think that I didn’t like them, I’m not sure any more, but while I was finishing the thoughts kept comigg by, idk what it means but it felt like I enjoyed it, which made me worried, but after I finished the thoughts disappeared a lot more, idk why that happened idk what it means, could someone give me some advice pls?? I don’t wanna be a pedo. All of that happening makes me feel like I am one, can someone give me advice on what’s happening and what I am??